The Hampton Court 10k run!

Yes people, today was the day of my second 10k run - the Hampton Court 10k run!

To be honest, things didn't start well; just as I was leaving the house I realised I'd pinned my number on the back of my turquoise monstrosity Tesco-promoting T-shirt, so I had to swap it over. Then it began pissing it down with rain. Then I got stuck in traffic (on a Sunday morning!) on the way to Hampton Court because by the looks of things about four million people had entered.

Anyway, using my cunning knowledge of Hampton's backstreets, I managed to get there eventually. The car park - if you can call it that, as it was essentially a field - was by this time super-muddy. Fortunately the rain had stopped. I got out of my car and it started raining again; forget the 10k, I was number one favourite to win Hampton Court's first wet T-shirt competition (Henry VIII would disapprove, I'm sure). Wet, and muddy, I traversed the deer-poo gauntlet, and bumped into Scanner Dave from work who was also taking part. Eventually we managed to find Sweatband, how was doing hardcore runner things like shouting "C'MON!!!!" at random people and questioning whether there would be distance markers. Collectively we decided not to take part in the mass pilates class that the organisers were putting on in an attempt to get us to warm up; being wet and muddy already we did not feel the need to look like twats as well.

Eventually, the run started, and to be honest I enjoyed it a fair bit more than the last 10k I did, although there were a few TOO many people, which combined with the mud and the rain was a bit off-putting at the beginning. Things improved as the pack spread out a bit, however.

Some points that spring to mind:

• There was some wench who kept running alongside me, then stepping in front of me so that I had to do an emergency jump to the left (having an innate knowledge of the dance moves to the Time Warp definitely helped here). I was very close to pushing her into the mud at one point, and I think I would've been entirely justified. Anyway, how would she have identified me? "He was wearing a turquoise T-shirt?" Ha! Me and everyone else, SUCKER!!!!

• At several points throughout the run there were big signs saying 'WARNING! HAZARD AHEAD!' Gosh, I thought, I wonder what it can be? I mentally prepared for everything from a crocodile pit to those weird stompy metal things they have in the Star Wars movies, and was thus a tad disappointed to find that it was actually either a bit of uneven ground or a change in terrain.

• After my earlier pondering over whether to do the run in fancy dress, I was surprised to see that there was actually only one fancy-dresser. And he, like I had thought about doing, was dressed as Superman. He was doing very well, to be honest, although with the wind and rain he was nevertheless having some cape-related issues.

• There were no deer in evidence... I expect the grounskeepers rounded them up somewhere safe and warm. Or shot them all.

So that was that, basically. I did it a tiny little bit slower than the last 10k I did, which I'm putting down to the weather, but on the plus side I got another medal. On the downside, it's nowhere near as good as my last one; in fact, when they gave it to me all wrapped up in a little plastic sachet I wondered why they were handing out congratulatory condoms. Anyway, here's what it looks like:


Yes, it's a 10 pence piece on a ribbon.

So that's that. I'm off to de-wax my ear again (which is another excuse for going to lie down on the bed, although there will be a wax update - a wax-date if you will - soon... That's something to look foward to, huh?).

Oh, and finally - massive thanks to everyone who sponsored me. All the money you very kindly donated is going to Cancer Research, a cause which is very close to my heart.

Whoa - that was serious! Um... I DID IT FOR YOU GUYS - WOO-WOO!!!!