Saturday, September 30, 2006

IKEA-day!

Note this date down in your diaries people (along with the date when I'm on Radio 2 - as we've now ascertained that it's actually Tuesday, 3rd October!) - this is the start of a new day that we will come to worship and look forward to each and every year:

My friends... Today was the inaugural IKEA-day.

Like the pair of little devils that we are, Jo and I have been plotting IKEA-day for the last few weeks, and by gum it was excitement-a-go-go.

Look at my little cherub-like face glowing with excitement:


Isn't that chair just THE COOLEST THING EVAH?!

Of course, tiny Smurf chairs weren't the only delights awaiting us at the Brent Park branch of IKEA. Oh no, let me tell you: it was a sensory overload of visual delights and bargains galore (there were, of course, few aural delights for me as my hearing continues to cut out sporadically; on the plus side, these ear malfunctions pretty much always seemed to coincide with Jo trying to tell me how great the Robbie Williams and McFly gigs were that she went to recently. Funny that...)

Anyway, what else charmed and delighted us? Let's see....


I don't know what 'Flaj' and 'Dimpa' are, but they don't half sound rude!

I also liked the wicker reindeer in the Christmas department:


Aaaah, ain't that nice?

Then you up-end it and are confronted by a might wicker pee-pee.


Not the sort of thing you want to see under your tree on Christmas day, I think you'll agree...

A smidgeon of disappointment did creep into my mind when I noticed that IKEA had SOLD OUT of red lack tables, and the only ones remaining were part of a multi-lack display, which admittedly did feature some quality lack-on-lack action.


I could've had a bright green one, or a blue one - but why the hell would I want those?!

Fortunately, I was cheered up by some amusingly named food:


Anyone for Snore and Dumie?


Fancy some Swedish Fish sailor?


And why not treat the kids to some Skum?

All in all, it was an exciting and life-changing couple of hours. But the question I know you're all eager to ask is: did I buy anything?

Well, yes I did! And what did I get? A battery-powered milk whisk for frothing milk in hot beverages (a bargain at 99p!), some batteries, and a small ironing board, that, I kid you not, cost me three quid. Oh, yeah, I also got some hand-cooked crisps, and what looks like a cheap Swedish rip-off of Ritz crackers (and at 60p, I ain't complaining).

After all this excitement, god knows how I'm going to be able to sleep tonight. And next year I hope you'll all join me - in spirit if not in person - in a trip to IKEA for the second annual IKEA day.

It's a beautiful thing people, a beautiful thing...

18 comments:

Dinah said...

Mmm, Skum.

I love that one Swedish fish who looks like "shit! How did I end up here?"

How DARE they sell out of red LACKs!

This almost makes me want to go to Ikea.

Miss T said...

Ikea is the BEST! Pity they don't sell reasonably priced iPod phones.

Oh, and the horse genitalia? Priceless. I hope you bought it. Can't you just see your little wax man riding the wicker horse? Sounds like a sequal to "The Wickerman."

Dora and Tina said...

No red LACK tables????????

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Although I was impressed by the lack on lack action. They are naughty little scamps ain't they??!!

Dora and Tina said...

Also they seem to have alot of food that has elephants on it....very happy and smiling elephants.

Tim said...

Dinah - I must admit I felt a bit weird walking round IKEA taking photos of sweets in the food section. But I did it for you guys - I did it. FOR. YOU. GUYS.

That Swedish Fish looks a bit odd... like it knows it's radioactive or something...!

I think you should definitely go to your nearest IKEA in honour of IKEA-DAY!!! DO IT!!!!

Miss T - No, I did not buy the wicker reindeer. I thought about it, but then I saw the pee-pee, and that's just wrong on so many levels. Of course, I could've snapped it off, but then I'd've felt bad for the pee-pee-less wicker reindeer...

Dina - I know! I was shocked at the lack of lack!! I almost made a formal complaint. I still might in the form of a harshly-worded letter.

And you're right - there are a lot of elephants around... Is IKEA butchering them and making them into amusingly shaped sugary treats?! I demand answers!!!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Awww. Don't you look cute on the little fairytale chair. It looks like something that Little Red Riding Hood's granny would have in her house.

Is that elephant on the Snore sweets called Lord Gubb Strawberry? How strange...

Tim said...

Wha...!? Fairytale chair?! What's fairytale about it?! I'm going to buy a load of those for my house!!! They're awesome!

That elephant actually looks a bit scary. I certainly won't be indulging in Lord Gubb of Strawberry's snore, let me tell you...

Dinah said...

If I had a lot of money to blow on crazyness, I would have a miniature room in my house. With those chairs, and little tables..maybe even little books. And then I would make the entrance to my house that room. And then when people came in they would think I was a giant.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

As if you'd eaten the cake or drunk the drink from Alice in Wonderland, Dinah. Fantastic idea!

Sorry Tim. I meant no disrespect to the chair :)

Tim said...

Dinah - I thought about doing the opposite and having massive furniture in my house to make me feel tiny. But then I realised I'd only be able to get, like, one armchair in my house, and where the hell am I going to get one massive armchair?!

(Because all the furniture places would probably only sell you a whole suite...)

Inexplicable Device - Ha! No worries, I'm just overly protective of the tiny chair. I wish I'd bought it. It probably only cost £2.50 or something...

Dora and Tina said...

Tiny little chairs are cool and it would confuse people when they came to your home. On the flip side giant furniture would be cool in theory, but I agree how are you going to get that into your home?? Although once inside everyone could just sit on the one chair...and eat some of those smiling elephant lollies...and talk about your lack of LACK or something.

Tim said...

Can you imagine how amazing it would be to open the front door to someone, sweep my arm upwards, and say "WELCOME TO MY CHAIR!!!!!"

It's almost worth doing just to be able to do that...

Dora and Tina said...

oooooo....that is making me want to post another quality paintshop artists impression of you doing that.

Or at least posting what I think those lack tables were up too....

Tim said...

Ha ha! You LUUUUURVE your paintshop!!

DO IT!!!!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Those dirty, dirty Lack tables. Have they no shame? They were 'nesting' and everything. I think Dora's captured the moment perfectly!

Tim said...

She has!! Those LACKs are nasty, filthy, dirty little tables.

And SO cheap.

Will said...

Not wanting to sound weird, but I like your shoes.

Tim said...

That's not weird at all. Thanks. Although, to be honest, they're the fart shoes, and unfortunately they're heading for the bin pretty soon...