Sunday, October 22, 2006

Kiss kiss bang bang

Actually that's not quite true - it was more bang, kiss. You see, I banged my head today, and saw The Last Kiss at the cinema.

Pray tell - how so did you bang your head?

Well let me tell you.

I did a load of clothes washing this morning. Actually, that's another lie - I only got up at noon (I don't sleep in that much - it was a treat!). Anyway, I did the washing, and was hanging it on my airer, which is positioned in a little nook under my stairs (which are wooden and open plan). And then, as I was backing out of the nook, I bashed into the stairs with my head.

Now, some would say at least I didn't damage anything important, but seriously - I've banged my head around quite a bit over the course of the last year. In fact, I remember when I was decorating said nook late last year, I stood up under there and - KABOOM - whacked my noggin then too. Fortunately, I texted into Xfm at the time and lovely DJ lady Marsha played me a Nada Surf song in sympathy.

Where was I? Oh yeah, so I bashed my head. It hurt quite a lot if I'm brutally honest, sort of enough that I actually wouldn't mind admitting that it had made me cry, if it had in fact made me cry. But it didn't, so I just squatted on the floor rocking back and forth for a while like a monkey that's been in the zoo too long and gone a bit mental. Incidentally, there was a loud cracking sound when head met stairs, and I'm not sure if that was the wood or my head, but I do have a big comedy-style bump now (luckily my hair is hiding it).

Hours later Jo and I went to see The Last Kiss, which I was looking forward to because Zach Braff makes me laugh, and Rachel Bilson is cuter than a basket of kittens. Before the movie we had a big ice cream sundae each (it was called cookie monster!), then played House of the Dead 4 which had sweet mock-uzis. This led to one discovery for me: if there ever is a zombie apocalypse, Jo's not the handiest person to have around. She was a bit rubbish with the uzi, and the zombies kept pushing her over and jumping on her. Still, she is a giggle, so that sort of makes up for her lack of zombie-killing prowess.

While we were waiting for the film to start some dude came into the cinema and sat in front of us with his baseball cap on at a jaunty angle. Seriously, he was older than I am, which is JUST wrong. I hold myself up as the fine line at which jauntily-angled baseball caps should not be allowed. Personally, I wouldn't, but on anyone younger it is allowed. I was so tempted to just reach forward and straighten it out. It was also offending my sense of symmetry as well, you see.

Fortunately the movie started.

I really enjoyed The Last Kiss. You can tell it's written by the same guy that wrote Crash as it shares a similar fragmented sense of storytelling based around a group of interconnected people. Except that it's not so violent, and doesn't deal with serious things like racial tolerance. It's all about learning to grow up and whether or not to accept your responsibilities. And Zach Braff gets it on with Rachel Bilson.

On the downside, the male gender does not come across as being squeaky clean. In fact, we're made to look a little like we're all just desperate to get our ends away.

Jo and I were talking about this as we walked back to my car. "All men are bastards!" she said.

"Oi!" I replied, which made me sound like I'm Jewish.

"Oh, I didn't mean you - you're special!"

Now that, my friends, is what I call an offensive remark masquerading as a compliment. At first it sounds like it's something really nice - but then you go "oh... hang on... SPECIAL?!" Men don't like to be called 'special!' Men don't like to be seen as safe!

That's right up there with the time an old work colleague said to me "you're going to make someone an amazing husband some day!" Again, complimentary - followed up by the suggestion that you're the safe, sensible option. Bah!

I said this to Jo, and she countered by saying that the film showed how most men can't help but do something stupid.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Don't ever call Rachel Bilson stupid."

14 comments:

Dinah said...

Rachel Bilson is hot. I think so. I don't understand why everyone doesn't think so. Not to say that I think everyone should think like me, but honestly, what is not absolutely attractive about her?

to move on...

What is wrong with the comments where it's like, "all men...but you." do you want to be lumped into all men? That's a bad place to be. If you're special, that doesn't mean special, it means you're above it. Hmm, do you want to be all men? Not all man, that's something different. Really, I shouldn't be posting right now. But now that I am...Hmm. That's an interesting thing you've pointed out. Seriously (to quote Grey's Anatomy). I like that we're in different time zones. It's um...1:52 here, so 6:52 there? And like, tomorrow in Australia.

Shit. I am way off topic. I should erase this. Maybe I'll leave this one, and then in the comments you should say, "Dinah, next time erase it" and then I will know. To tie into skillz, I'm sort of swaying back and forth like Ray Charles.

I'm FIRST!!!!! Have I said that yet? I am, suckas. Hahaha.

So...yeah. What's wrong with being thought of as a good guy? Do you want to be a bad boy? THis is interesting to me, elaborate. Please.

p.s. I failed verification 1. Onto #2!

Miss T said...

This boils down to the fact that we are being fed a bullshit idea of a non-existant gender divide by the media and our peers.

Sure, some guys are players and bastards and will rip a girl's heart out of her still breathing chest with a comment like "You're sweet. The kind of girl I want to marry. But I want to have fun right now".

Then there are some girls who will pull shit on guys that is even worse. Trust me, I know some. And I know how long it's taken their victims to heal. And I say victims because these girls are pathological drama queens who create their own misery. I have no respect for that.

There are just people who are dicks. I don't think by any stretch of the imagination that all men are bastards. Nor do I think all girls are bitches. There are just members of either gender who are simply too juvenile or self centred to sustain any sort of meaningful intercourse with anybody.

Nice people don't finish last. Sometimes they just have to go the road less travelled, and it takes a little longer to get there.

I know I'd rather be the tortoise.

Tim said...

VERY interesting points from you both, although Dinah does sound like she's a little drunk.

Dinah, were you drunk?

Anyway, I do agree with you both. I'm not changing who I am just because the latest GQ says I should. Sometimes it's nice just to pretend you've been offended by something someone has said. For giggles and what not. And isn't the road less travelled more fun anyway?

Miss T said...

Here's the road less travelled!

This was an interesting post. It's spurred me onto have a rant of my own.

Tim said...

Ooo - I'm off to your blog to check out the ranting of Miss T!

Dinah said...

I was a wee bit drunk at the time of the posting, but I meant everything I said, which I see now wasn't much. But I'm loving these posts and now I'm off to see Miss T.

Tim said...

Dinah, you made a good point, and made me laugh. Seriously, the image of you drunk bashing away at the keyboard in an attempt to type in the word verfication is comedy gold!!

Dinah said...

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Plus, I forgot to ask...how is your head?

Tim said...

It 'urts!

Dora and Tina said...

Hmmm....I thought I posted something on here. Perhaps I was drunk and thought I posted a comment on here. Or I posted it on somewhere else.

I hope I didn't do that.

I find the statement "you're special" to be really interesting. To be sure you are special - I mean, I read your blog nearly every other day (because I am a bit slack keeping up with these things).

Actually that just makes you interesting to read about. Not really special. Perhaps she was talking in a well rounded "you're special". Even though I have no idea what that would look/sound like.

So you pretended to be offended - just for giggles. That does make you special. In a good or bad way....you decide.

skillz said...

"In fact, we're made to look a little like we're all just desperate to get our ends away"

Sorry Timbo, but it's true. This might sound a little stupid, but I really believed that video in Futurama:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFlpHHH9EIU

"All civilisations was just an attempt to impress the opposite sex"

It's so true!

Bah, maybe I'm just cynical.

Tim said...

Dora - I don't know about Ausland, but over here 'special' is more often than not used as a rude term these days... most people say it with their tongue sticking into their bottom lip and just go 'pecial. It's nasty. I use it quite a lot on people I don't like...

But when Jo said I was special I immediately made her think that I thought she'd used the term to call me a spacker. For giggles!

Skillz - You may be cynical, but you're also right! Damn, now I want a Lucy Liu-bot!!

I hope the future is just like Futurama. But without the planet destroying aliens.

Miss T said...

Gah! Chicks only ever think about getting our ends away too!

Trust me.

Tim said...

Technically, and I'm not a scientist so I could be wrong, but I didn't think chicks had 'an end' to get away.

Except for that Ginger Spice transvestite that kept pinching my arse at a party seven years ago.