Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Sparky Ma Vs the squirrels

Sparky Ma told me the other the day that she's entered into the first battle of what I believe could be an ongoing conflict.

You see, she has a few tubs in her garden that have bulbs in them. And every spring these bulbs blossom into a beautiful array of colourful flowers. She is, quite rightly, a little bit proud of them.

Imagine her shock, then, when she walked past the currently dormant tubs to see that the local squirrel (or 'tree-rat' to give it its correct name - it is a rather wretched looking creature) had dug up one of her bulbs and replaced it with a walnut it had found ... somewhere.

The bulb, naked and vulnerable, had been placed carefully beside the tub, almost as if it were a casualty of war - and a warning to anyone who might dare to interfere with said squirrel's nefarious plan for tub domination.

Incensed, Sparky Ma did what any military general would do. She got her trowel, dug up the walnut, and gently brushed it clean of soil. Then she returned the bulb to the tub, and diligently patted the moist soil down on top of it.

Then she placed the walnut beside the tub in exactly the same place as she had found the bulb. And crushed it with her foot.

Squirrels: 0
Sparky Ma: 1

This is just the beginning...


There's nothing like a massive bill for tyres and brake discs and pads to get you in the mood for making some money. Thus, for the last few nights I've been polishing off the articles I've been writing for one of our Japanese Star Trek magazines. Funny - it's taken me ages to get the majority of these nine articles written, then - BAMM! - I've written two in the last two days. And before anyone says something about me just doing it for the money - No, I'm actually very pleased with them, and I've never written anything just for the cash, so "nyyyeeeh."

Where was I? Oh yeah. They've been doing some essential cable maintanence in my road over the last couple of days, and the bloomin' numpties have only gone and left a WARNING: MEN AT WORK sign right outside my house.

I was going to phone up about it, but then I thought it goes quite well with my current level of activity and state of mind.


What the hell is going on with the weather?!

Today: cold and blustery!
Tomorrow: freakin' hot!?

Wha...?! I guess this is all something to do with global warming and all those nasty people driving 4x4 cars and damned cows farting methane all over the place, but that's really not helping me decide what clothes to wear each day. I thought I was being pretty sensible today, but apparently not.

So, c'mon, is it woolly pullies or bra and panties tomorrow?


skillz said...

I wear a shirt and trousers no matter how cold it is.

But I'm tempted to switch to the bra/panties combo now.

By the way, have word verifications suddenly become much harder or am I undergoing a period of dumbening?

Is that how you spell dumbening?

Wait a minute, dumbening isn't even a word!

Miss T said...

Crotchless leather chaps are always my weapon of choice against the weather. With some leather braces.

Tim said...

Skillz - That's exactly what I was wearing today! And yet, whatever I pull out of my wardrobe these days it seems to be the wrong thing. Damn weather! Damn the changing seasons!!

Oh, and there does appear to be some sort of (I'm going to pause here in a dramatic Shatner-stylee for effect) ... word verification issue at the moment. IDV was having problems with it. Maybe it's because I've gone Beta? Ooooooh, Beta...!

Dumbening wasn't a word - but goddammit, it is now!

Miss T - Are you in the Scissor Sisters!?

Dinah said...

Heh. Maybe you have the Simpson gene, Skillz?

Squirrels are bold and fearless. I live among them (of sorts...I mean, I live indoors, but they park across the street is so full of them, and they're all bold and like, "yeah, whatever, I own the place.")

Also, I vote for Bra and Panties. or Layers. Do guys layer the same way girls do? Hmm. I guess I've never thought about it.

Tim said...

Dinah - for a second there I thought you had the beginnings of an amazing movie...

She was raised by squirrels... Bold and fearless... they would do anything to protect their nuts!

I certainly layer if possible, but the weather just doesn't warrant it at the moment. Bring on winter proper I say!

Dora and Tina said...

She wishes she was in the Scissor Sisters.

Actually, that's not true - or is it?

Bra and panties? Is there something you want to let us all know about Tim?

Plus, I just saw the title of your last post (that because I am slack and don't read blogs everyday I only just saw) is Number 5 is alive. Isn't that a quote from a movie with a robot in it?

what's the name of it....

it'll come to me....

oh. my. god.

Short Circuit!!!!!

Johnny 5 you piss me off.

Tim said...

Does she now...? Can we see Miss T as Anna Matronic?

Ha ha, afraid not, Dora - it's purely a figurative bra and panties! It just sounded more exciting than, say, three-day old socks and beige y-fronts.

And Short Circuit is ace!!! Not such a hot sequel, though.

Miss T said...

"You're every woman in the world to me" isn't that what Johnny Five sang when he was whirling the lady around? And that song, Electric Dreams....

I don't have tatts like Anna Matronic - but I covet her wardrobe. She's like a funky 50's housewife. Plus I love Jake Shears.

Tim said...

Ooo - I dunno. I just remember him shouting "HEY LASER LIPS - YOUR MOMMA IS A SNOW-BLOWER!"

Great line.

I actually wouldn't know Anna Matronic if she came up and slapped me in the face, though she has an ace name.