Sunday, October 29, 2006

Turn time back!

I went out for a meal with my family last night to celebrate my nan's birthday, and by the time I got in it was about half 10.

So, I pottered about on the intermaweb for a while, then thought about watching a DVD (been meaning to re-watch The Rules of Attraction for a while), but ultimately settled on reading some more of Charlotte Simmons (who is currently fretting about having to use coed washing facilities, the freakin' prude).

After a while I turned the clocks back (not something I do randomly if it's late, more to do with daylight saving time), so it was still relatively early. I know, I thought, I'll check the news on telly, then I'll go to sleep.

And that's when I made my fatal mistake: bacause that's when I turned over to the late night quiz on Channel Five - the one that runs for four hours through the early hours of the morning.

My god - what horrific trash telly! I couldn't turn off. There was this rather strange looking man gurning and asking me to identify what was wrong on a series of nine road signs.


And he just kept walking around a crap set, basically ordering people to call him, and saying things like "I know we're going to get a winner soon - don't call me if you're going to guess, the answer's there on your screen. Look closely, and gimme a ring!"

Bizarrely, there was a small dog in the corner of the screen (named Jack) who would bark whenever a caller came through to the studio.

And that's when I noticed what was wrong with one of the road signs...

Part of me actually seriously thought about calling in, because, let's face it, the 10 grand on offer would be lovely. I even booted up my computer and went onto the Highway Code website to confirm my suspicions about the wrong road signs. But another part of me was saying "don't get sucked in by this horrific botoxed quizmaster's claims."

So I JUST. KEPT. WATCHING.

And after about an hour I realised there was one on ITV too, so I started channel hoping.


The host on this one was quite aggresive. Look - at one point his head even caught fire.


Although in hindsight that might've been the reflection of a lightbulb on my telly...

Anyway, back over on Channel Five, the botoxed monstrosity in the ill-fitting red suit was still encouraging people to call in, and still claiming that he could feel that a winner was imminent.


Well I watched for two and a half hours and no one won A THING.

Thank god the clocks went back or I'd be knacked and super-headachey this morning.

16 comments:

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Ha! First!

That's all. I'll be back on Tuesday.

Ta ra!

Tim said...

Wha...? Who was that masked man!?

Miss T said...

Faster than a speeding bullet!

I *hate* those shows - they are taking the rightful late night place of reruns of Passions and Saved by the Bell!!

Tim said...

Awww, I REALLY could've gone a late-night Saved by the Bell marathon! As long as it didn't include the Screech sex tape...

Dinah said...

Screech sex tape = ew. I don't need to know that he's apparently spectacularly endowed.

Also, Passions, is there any better time to watch that in the middle of the night? Juliet Mills is awesome.

What is wrong with the traffic signs?

Tim said...

Or that he like shi- No, actually, even I'm not going to mention THAT!

As for the traffic signs, number 5 - the lights should be red, amber, green; number 4 - the antlers have been manipulated! I suspect there may be something on one of the other ones too...

Dora and Tina said...

Well at least thew dudes running your scam gameshows late at night weren't named "Hotdogs". One of our late night scams is run by a so called "Big Brother Celebrity" (aka he pashed some chick on the show and talked about his cock) and now runs a scam gameshow.

Also number 8 looks like it's a sign for "Dump bodies here!".

Tim said...

I kid you not - number 7 is 'no driving while carrying explosives!'

We have some wacky roadsigns. I just ignore them all.

Dora and Tina said...

Yes, you have some damn strange ones like that "deer" that looks like it has a broken leg. Watch out for injured deer????

Tim said...

That deer also has VERY elaborately drawn antlers - it proved very distracting as I whizzed past at 70 mph. If it had been a bit simpler I probably would've paid a bit more attention to the road and wouldn't have crashed into that deer...

Dinah said...

Heh. No driving while carrying explosives. Thank goodness the sign told me that!

Number 6 is probably something about pedestrians, but I'm looking at it and all I can think of is "Dance Break!"

Tim said...

Number 6 usually goes hand in hand with number 9 - Stop: Hammertime!

And then we all put on floaty pantaloons and jive like crazy things!!!!

Dinah said...

England is so fun!

Tim said...

Ha ha!! You don't know the half of it!!!

Ryan said...

You do realize British people are exported to America to host those quiz shows in my hood. Endemol knows how to make 'em. :)

Tim said...

Really?! Good grief - I apologise for that! We must be breeding them in a battery farm somewhere...!

(I still want Cat Deeley back though - don't think you're getting out of that one...)