Friday, October 27, 2006

Official business

I knew my Friday plans were going to hit a little bump in the road when we got the order that the boss wanted to take us all out to lunch. Lunch at my company is not a quick pint, you see.

The pub is referred to as 'the meeting room.'

This also meant that I had to hastily email and text Yaz and Marcosy who I'd planned to meet for lunch, and rearrange for Monday. Tut!

So we strutted down to the pub, and soon enough the important topics of conversation started. Today's agenda consisted of:

• Who is your celebrity shame shag (someone you would do that would repulse every other person on the planet).
• Beer goggle sex. Which celebrity would you sleep with knowing that you'd regret it in the morning.

The names Madonna and Kate Moss came up quite a lot, it must be said. I wasn't taking it all that seriously to be honest, and kept suggesting ancient, and quite often dead, celebrities. I might've even mentioned Cherie Blair, which even I think was overstepping the mark a little.

As enjoyable as this critical office meeting was, it did have the effect of royally buggering up my precision planned Friday evening. Instead of 16:30, I didn't actually leave until 17:40. Which was very bad news because - and no kidding here - my stars today said that I would "find love where books are sold."


Fortunately, the traffic was reasonably good, so I got to Kingston within an hour.

Wandering into Borders, I started scouring the shelves - not just for potential ladies, but also for books. And by gum, I didn't just buy one book - goddammit, I bought two!

First up, I did buy I am Charlotte Simmons. Out of the three copies on the shelf, one was priced at £7.99, while the other two were £12.99. Guess the hell which one I bought?

Then I bought The Dog of the South by Charles Portis, which just sounds fun from the synopsis.

Curiously, when I paid for them the guy on the till asked for my email address so Borders could email me a voucher for money off my next purchase. Question: is this a genuine offer, or have I been tricked into giving my email address out to a strange man who's possibly taken a shine to me?

Damn Mystic Meg!

Anyway, I took my books upstairs to Starbucks, ordered a grande misto, settled into a plush chair, and began reading I am Charlotte Simmons. Despite being engrossed in the book, I did pause every now and then to take a sip of coffee and keep an eye out for any hot, well-read ladies who might want to take a seat opposite me.

Sadly, no one seemed willing to take up my spare seat, possibly because there were plenty of other spare seats scattered around.

And no, I did not loosen my trousers.


Miss T said...

Celebrity shame shag? I don't think they are shameful, but lots of people tell me I should. How about Patrick Stewart, Chris Barry, Leslie Neilson, James Spader, Charlton Heston (when he was younger)?

Beer goggle shags... I guess all of the above would fit in there.

Damn - I want to work at a place like yours! It was world teachers day yesterday and pretty much everyone at the school was thanked barr the teachers! No boozy lunches here....

And you are right, one seldom needs to loosen leather chaps. There's plenty of ventilation already.

missy&chrissy said...

how is charlotte simmons so far? i wanted to read it, but never picked up a copy...

Dinah said...

Patrick Stewart is not a shame shag!!!

(is he?)

skillz said...

Horoscopes lie Tim. Metro has been promising love every single bloody day for me.

Tim said...


(On a side note - Marcosy interviews Chris Barry last year...)

But... Blimey!

And even manly me agrees with Dinah - Patrick Stewart is NOT a shame shag!

It would probably surprise you to know that those topics of conversation were about the only ones from lunch that I could post about without Blogger shutting me down. Seriously.

Missy&Chrissy - I'm enjoying Charlotte Simmons so far, although I am only 40 pages into it. I intend to read a bit more this afternoon - heck, maybe I'll write a post about it when I've finished it bearing in mind how much controversary there's been about me actually buying a copy!

But yes, so far, so good. I've actually never read any Tom Wolfe before either, so it's... all good!

Dinah - on the defensive there!

Skillz - Yes, they do. Damned horoscopes. It was just so... precise! Wouldn't it be awful if I found out that Kristen Kreuk was sitting in a chair just behind me and I'd walked away without noticing...

Miss T said...

I don't know why, but I think Chris Barry is the bomb as Ace Rimmer. And have you *seen* the young Leslie Neilson from that old sci-fi movie?

See what I mean, though? Other people's shame is my shaggable - but I will stand by my shame shags. I do find the oddest things attractive.

Is Marcosy's interview with my shame shag on the internets for viewings?

Miss T said...

PS You two are about the only human beings I have ever met that agree with me on the Patrick Stewart shaggability factor. Most people react with horror...

Will said...

Starbucks? Dude. Those poor Ethiopians.

Tim said...

Miss T - Yes, I have seen Leslie Neilson in Forbidden Planet... but it's sort of ruined because I'm always waiting for a fart gag. And that's what we call 'mental typecasting!'

And nope, unfortunately Marcosy's interview isn't online - it was done for a magazine that was axed before it even published!

Will - In my defense, it's the only coffee shop that's open at that time in Kingston! And it has comfy chairs.

And in Starbuck's defense, they have been a supporter of CARE for the last 15 years, a humanitarian organisation that is dedicated toward fighting global poverty. Together they have funded projects to improve water systems and educational and medical facilities in a number of countries, including Ethiopia.

I've no doubt that, as a multinational giant, Starbucks are not entirely innocent - it's worth reading their response to the situation here - but it's sad that none of the news pages have made mention of their humanitarian contributions to provide a more balanced story. But then charitable work is rarely as newsworthy as 'Starbucks crushes Ethiopia!'

Dinah said...

I will have to take your word, Miss T, as I've never actually told someone I'm attracted to Patrick Stewart. So him, um, and Matt Damon? Some people don't like him. And also pretty much any male from Arrested Development, especially Will Arnett.

Tim said...


Ha ha ha!!! Ever since Team America that's all I can think of when I hear his name!

I don't think there's anything to be ashamed about with Patrick Stewart - he's very rich and very suave.