Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Everything's falling apart

Well, what about Mel Gibson, huh? Someone's got issues.

It's funny how we all love a spectacularly public breakdown of a successful person; Britney Spears, Michael Jackson, David Hasselhoff at Heathrow Airport with a moist crotch, and now Mel - it's the ultimate car-crash moment, and we, the normal people, love it. And don't deny you're not willing Mel's downfall upon him, or hoping it's going to get EVEN WORSE - we all hate people who are successful. There's nothing like pointing and laughing at the famous people whizzing past us mere mortals on their way to hell.

Seems like that lovable crazy-man act he put on in the Lethal Weapon movies wasn't so much of an 'act,' and certainly wasn't 'lovable.'

I say, if you're going to have the most amazing breakdown in history, doing it in public is certainly the way to go; it's certainly no worse than writing a blog where you just write about stupid things like almost making an incredibly inappropriate comment to someone you're trying to establish a business relationship with.

*Ahem*

Right - let's take bets on who's next for the one-way ticket to looneyville.

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I've been meaning to mention this for a while - what is this thing where teenage boys walk around in public with their hands down their undercrackers? Really? What the hell is that all about?!

Staines High Street is the last place I want to see someone having a quick fiddle; although to be honest, they're not being quick about it - it's more like their treating it like a marsupial pouch or an extra pocket, and warming their hands down there. Whatever, it's not something I want to see, especially not outside WHSmiths. That's just wrong.

Maybe I AM getting old(er), but it was just never the done thing to be manhandling your Gentleman's Assets in public when I were a lad, unless something got snagged and you were ABSOLUTELY SURE no one would see you. And even then it was just a quick tug (in a non-sexual manner), a little bend of the knees, and everything was right as rain again.

Kids today are walking along hanging onto 'it' like they're worried 'it's' going to drop off. And I'm pretty damn sure if anything of mine 'down there' was going to drop off, I'd know about it. There should be a law that teenage boys should walk around with their hands permanently up as if they're being held at gunpoint. That's the only way to stop society's decaying morals from... erm, decaying!

(Is this nasty habit confined to the UK? Please leave a comment if you've seen a filthy crotch-monkey anywhere else in the world!)

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I've FINALLY worn my Superman t-shirt out in public today...

(OK, that makes it sound like I've been wearing it around the house with a towel round my neck and some red undercrackers on - WHICH I HAVEN'T)

Let's start again...

I've finally gotten round to digging my Superman t-shirt OUT OF THE WARDROBE and wearing it while there's still a bit of hoop-la about Superman Returns. And the response has been pretty good, although that's probably due to the fact that I'm buff-ness incarnate now and fill it out a bit better than I did before. Even IT Dave, who ridiculed me for wearing it a few years ago (seriously - I ran home crying that day and it's been in mothballs since), said that he wanted one now.

Just wait 'till the Wonder Woman movie comes out!

8 comments:

Miss T said...

Hands down pants? Erm, no. I think that might fall under lewd acts or something. But then again, the only underage people I really see are 12 and under. Apparantly they have already been educated about original sin, if nothing else.

Oooh! A supes shirt! I went out to get one a while ago with Dora, but ended up getting a Transformers one. Again, it made me very popular with the 8 year old male set.

Tim said...

Yeah, seriously - Britland's high streets are full of 12-18 year olds with their hands wedged firmly down their undercrackers! It's not right I tells ya!

Ooo - please tell me that you bought a Transformers one and Dora bought a Decepticon one! That would be *SO* cool! And THE hottest thing when the movie's out next year!

Miss T said...

Nope she didn't, but I did get the Autobots shirt.

I am so going to make Dora get a Decepticon shirt now. Then we can battle and make stupid transformer noises.

Dora and Tina said...

Yes, I want to battle and make noises. Why didn't I get a shirt that day...WTF is up with that?

In other crotch related news Tim, yes, I wa at abar afew weekends ago and I did see a "lad" having a bit of fiddle and holding onto it like it was going to drop off. Not sure what the point of it was, but I wasn't going to ask him.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I think it must be all the E numbers in food these days that cause 'appendages' to drop off. That's why boys must hold on to theirs. If they didn't, the appendage might slip down their trouser leg and down a drain, never to be seen again. Or somesuch... I'm glad there was proper food when I was a boy!

So, when the Wonder Woman merchandise hits the shops, and you inevitably purchase a T-shirt, will you also have to get breast implants?

Perhaps you could post a pic of you in the Superman T so we canmarvel at its splendour?

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Oops! I missed this: ' ' out of the last sentence. Space is at a premium these days...

Ryan said...

I've got one hand in my pocket and the other one... somewhere else only in the privacy of my own backyard where housewives will actually notice. Shit, if you're gonna do it, do it right. :)

Tim said...

Miss Haversham - you should totally make Dora get the Decepticon shirt!

Dora - You should totally get the Decepticon shirt! Although, the Decepticons were a bit crap if memory serves me right; the Autobots turned into cool things like trucks and Porsches, and the Decepticons turned into a crap gun and a chunky 1980's personal stereo with cassettes that turned into crap two-dimensional dogs. What's that all about?!

Oh, and next time you see that guy in the bar, go and ask him why he's holding on. Put a microphone in front of his face and just ask him. Are you not intrigued?

Inexplicable Device - you're probably right; I expect that's why they stopped selling blue smarties. After all, only smarties have the answer.

I doubt very much that I'll plump for breast implants, but I certainly wouldn't say no to an invisible plane. Or a lasso of truth; that would definitely be handy.

Next time I wear the Supes t-shirt I'll get someone to take a pic; although the last time I asked someone to take a pic it was Marcosy, and he wedged his massive finger in frame. All my friends are lime-light hogging wenches.

Ryan - dude, that's OK! If you're in your backyard that's 100% allowed - in fact, it'd be rude not to! But walking down a high street, through shopping malls, with both hands down there hanging on to it like you're Maverick and you're using it to control your F-15?! Not allowed!