Last night, just two hours after rating Pixar's new film Cars a 'turd' on the Sparky Malarkey patented movie rating-o-meter, my very own beloved Mini decided that I'd gone a little bit too far, and decided to punish me.
I came out of the gym, and noticed a car alarm going off in the car park.
Whoa! Where's that coming from, I thought. It's really shrill and annoying.
As I drove off I noticed that the alarm... seemed to be following me.
Yes. My car alarm was going off while I was driving it.
WEEEEE-OOOOOO-WEEEEE-OOOOOO-WEEEEE-OOOOOO-WEEEEE-OOOOOO-WEEEEE-OOOOOO!!!!!! It went.
It was kinda like the opening credits sequence to the Naked Gun movies, you know - where the camera is positioned on the roof of a police car, only in this instance it was embarrassing rather than funny. Everyone I passed was looking. And probably thinking I was a cheeky thief.
I thought about pretending to be a plain-clothes police officer - speeding home and occasionally shouting "Oi you SLAAAAAAAAG!" like I was chasing an evil criminal genius, but my car stands out a little bit too much to be a plain clothes police car, so I just looked a bit sheepish and made it clear that I was very annoyed with it when I pulled up alongside other cars at traffic lights.
A "tut" and a bemused look at the dashboard can go a long way.
Anyway, this being the case:
Sparky Malarkey would like to make it clear that a previous post that listed the new Disney pixar blockbuster motion picture Cars a 'turd' was mis-informed, poorly written, and unnecessary. This being the case, I'd like to apologise whole-heartedly to my beloved car for any distress cause.
But to be honest, dear Mini, you didn't see it. It was REALLY bad. Please don't go alarm crazy again!