Friday, August 25, 2006

Heaven on Earth

Muchos excitement. Sparky Nan gave me a new Ikea catalogue.

Now, I moved into Sparky towers on January 2nd, 2006, and I've fully furnished it to my taste. But there's something about a new Ikea catalogue that just makes me go "OooooOOOoooooOOOooo..."

I do not need anymore furniture.

And yet... that little red table for the bargain price of £7.99 is *SO* tempting.

I do not need a little red table, nor do I have anywhere to put said little red table.

But it's *ONLY* £7.99.

...

...

Me thinks there'll be a trip to the Wembley branch of Ikea soon...

No!

Yes!

NO!

YES!

Arrgh!

21 comments:

skillz said...

Wembley branch is quality, I went there several times last year just for their veggie hotdogs.

Tim said...

Damn right! I practically lived there toward the end of last year, but then that's their own fault for making fake little fully furnished rooms.

I was pretty bummed out last time I went there because they'd closed the showroom to rejig it; that's like going to Thorpe Park the day all the rides are closed for maintenance.

Definitely thinking I need to go soon...

Miss T said...

Get the red table. Don't you need somewhere cool to put your Star Trek Communicator?

Dora and Tina said...

Ohhh...I love hanging out at Ikea and putting my feet all over the fake set up rooms. That's why they set them up! So you can do a full test run of how you really treat furniture. Which it turns out I treat badly.

Am trying really hard not to get banned from Ikea.

Dora and Tina said...

P.s. Buy the red table. You say you don't need it or have the room but what other reason is there to go to Ikea than buying stuff with a cool name i.e. "Kruag" and then displaying (or shoving in a cupboard) in you home???

Tim said...

Miss Haversham - but my Star Trek Communicator lives on my Ikea shelves! But the little table is nice... Arrrgh! I think the Swedes do this on purpose. Bastards!

Dora - I know what you mean; I've lost count of the times I've sprawled across sofas and beds in Ikea and told other customers to "keep the noise down" before curling up into the fetal position.

As for the table... (runs to catalogue)... it's called 'LACK.' Which I'm sure is intended to make you think there's something missing from your life...

Dora and Tina said...

I love their crazy Swedish names for things. I made 'Kruag' up, but I'm picturing a large lamp with crazy red rings that could easily be called Kruag and be sold at Ikea.
We have the biggest Ikea in the Southern Hemisphere opening soon and I can't wait. I'm going to buy so much weirdly-named crap it won't fit in the house.

Miss T said...

Holy shit. Dora, I forgot about that. We need to take your big car on an EXPIDITion there, so I can complete my own collection.

Oh, and lack tables always come in handy. I speak from personal experience.

Tim said...

Dora - There is a wall-lamp called a KVART. I'm quite taken by the shelving systems called GORM; at the moment I'm GORM-less, you see...

I'm now looking to see if they have anything called SPACKER...

Miss Haversham - Yes! You should both go and buy so much furniture!! I DOUBLE DARE YOU!!!

I might plump for the LACK at some point... I mean, for eight quid you just *CAN'T* go wrong! How many LACKs do you have?

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I'd never heard of a 'little red table' but now I want one more than anything in the world

Damn you.

Damn IKEA.

Damn £7.99 being so reasonable...

Will said...

My nearest Ikea is Croydon, which is like half an hour on the train. Whenever I vaguely daydream about getting a car, which I really don't need, I then daydream about driving to Ikea and buying loads of stuff I don't need.

Tim said...

Inexplicable Device - I'm actually looking at the little red table in the Ikea catalogue this very instant, and thinking of the ways it could enhance my lifestyle. It may interest you to know that it also comes in Beech effect, white, blue, green, and the aforementioned red. AND! They do a nest of two tables in that style for only £11.99 -but only in white, so I don't want that.

Will - You need to buy into the Ikea lifestyle. Maybe they should make flat-packed cars...? They could call them VROOMs. Hmmm...

Where was I? Oh, yes - don't forget they do a handy delivery service with local cab firms though! You could train it there, buy loads of stuff you don't need, and cab it all back for a very reasonable fixed rate. I think you should go there. Now. And buy a car, because they're fun too.

ALL - OK, who wants LACK tables? I reckon we could get a discount if we buy in bulk!

Miss T said...

Doesn't Douglas Adams or Ben Elton make fun of Croydon? It sounds familiar for some reason. Don't worry. I live in the butt of all jokes down under. Pun intended.

Ummm, would admitting to the ownership of three lacks be pathological?

Whoever said an allen* key isn't something you don't need?

* Yes, I know it isn't spelled that way. But it's funnier spelled like it's the property of a spacker football player. OI! ALLEN!

Tim said...

Oh, everyone makes fun of Croydon. It's where the term 'Croydon facelift' originates from (all the chavvy girls pull their manky hair so tight back against their heads that they end up looking like Joan Rivers or a stoat in a wind tunnel).

Three sounds like a perfectly reasonable number of LACKS. I'm the proud owner of two BILLYs (not of the Piper variety, alas) and a MALM chest of drawers!

And I'd forgotten about the little allen keys! I've got a drawer full of them!

Will said...

Actually, I was born in Croydon. And so was Kate Moss. If any of you dis' Croydon, me and Kate will run you over in our flatpack car. Then you'll be flatpack too.

Sara said...

I love Ikea catalog day!

Tim said...

Will - but you both escaped Croydon, right? Anyway, I can talk - I grew up in close proximity to Feltham. UGH!

Flatpack humans sound like quite a cool idea though... or is that a step too far...?

Sara - I know! Ikea catalogues for everyone! It's like Christmas... but Christmas where everything is reasonably priced and flatpacked!

Dora and Tina said...

See how Ikea is like a drug? Their little flatpacked goodness and Swedish design makes even people with totally enough furniture want more? Next you'll be outside Ikea with a cap in your hand and a sign saying "have 6 LACK tables but need MORE!".

Seriously though, I want one of those LACK tables for no other reason than because I need some more small pencils for work and IKEA has the best ones around.

Tim said...

I know! I was flicking through the catalogue and even - for an instant - considered redecorating so that my living room would match a small shelving unit I don't even own!

Arrrgh!

But damn, those pencils are good. You should suggest that they do them in different colours...

Dora and Tina said...

A Ikea shop girl has already seen me trying to steal those yellow bags...so if I even said anything about the pencils I think they might ban me from the store.

The yellow bag was also not a mistake. I didn't "accidently" take it. I was trying to walk out of the store with it.

Foiled again.

Tim said...

Was the yellow bag full of pencils? God, Dora, you're were really pushing your luck. Now, if you'd stolen a blue bag you'd probably have gotten away with it...