Friday, August 25, 2006

A very Sparky Friday

Goddamn; you get in and you really want to write a blog post, and goddamn blogger goes down. Goddamn.

Right, that’s enough blaspheming.

No, wait: GOOOOOOOOOODDAAAAAAAAAAAMN!

Phew… OK, all good now.

Where was I? Oh, yeah. Friday…

(Imagine this like the video for Madonna’s Ray of light – you know, the whole speeded up whizzy traffic thing. Don’t try to imagine me gyrating like her because it’ll probably cause you to have a seizure or a stroke or something)

Woke up at 7:30 to the sound of vibro-fridge doin’ its thang. “Ha ha!” I shout, holding one finger aloft like a wizard, “Vibro-fridge – your time is up!!” Get dressed, run downstairs, make tea, sit and wait for fridge repair man to arrive and vanquish vibro-fridge.

Sit and wait.

Sit and wait.

Sit and wait a bit longer.

Vibro-fridge kicks off, taunting me with its nefarious vibrations.

Boot up the computer and check EVERY SINGLE WEB PAGE I LOOK AT.

Sit and wait a bit longer.

Door bell goes! It’s Bobby Ewing from Dallas! Or rather it’s the fridge repair man who happens to look like Bobby Ewing from Dallas (Perve fingers want to type Booby Ewing here). Fridge repair man pulls vibro-fridge out, tinker with innards, and … fridge vibrates no more!

Shout “IN YOUR FACE, VIBRO-FRIDGE.” Get odd look from Bobby Ewing. Bid Bobby Ewing farewell.

Sit down on repaired sofa and begin reading comics. Something goes ‘pop’ in the porch. Investigations reveal that the lid of some wood varnish has opened itself. Investigations also reveal that small tin of wood-filler has at some point in the last few months exploded, depositing what looks like petrified poo on walls and ceiling of porch. Cleaning efforts are initiated.

Decide to poly-filler holes in bathroom wall. Mission status: incomplete – poly-filler has unexpectedly solidified. Add ‘poly-filler’ to shopping list.

Look at boxes of unwanted books and miscellaneous items that have loitered in porch since moving. Load boxes into the Sparky mobile, and drive to Sparky Ma and Pa’s house. Regale Sparky Ma with patented Mick Jagger impression; reminds her of Stones gig and results in instant smile. Recruit Sparky Ma to assist in taking boxes to charity shop.

Return Sparky Ma home, and blag free lunch. Jump back into Sparky mobile and set new course for Sparky grandparent’s house. Enjoy free beverage and convivial conversation with Sparky grandparents.

Depart for coffee in Kingston; discover the delights of Solitaire on Star Trek Communicat- erm, mobile phone, while enjoying Grande Misto (Peabody blend) in Starbucks.

Head back to Sparky mobile – vroom vroom! Depart Kingston for Staines and a cinema excursion with Jo. Traffic works and a thick ditherer in Vauxhall Corsa result in unforeseen errors in my ETA; fortunately, rendevouz with Jo with mere minutes to spare.

Buy tickets for John Tucker Must Die; consider buying ‘Fling‘n Fly Superman’ for the bargain price of £2.50. Lateness of arrival necessitates immediate and hurried run in order to not miss beginning of movie, however.

John Tucker Must Die = enjoyable popcorn fodder; appreciation of Sophia Bush also increases exponentially. Make note to check Myspace.com for Sophia Bush.

At conclusion of film head to sports shop and buy three pairs of shorts for running (I’ll never be caught short again). Bid Jo “adieu!” and jump back in Sparky mobile. Devise cracking introduction for Ambassador Soval article I’m writing for the Japanese Star Trek Fact Files while en route to Sparky towers.

Arrive home, put dinner in oven. Logon to Myspace, find Sophia Bush; submit friend request (although as her last login was in 2005, am not holding breath). Forget cracking introduction for Ambassador Soval article I’m writing for the Japanese Star Trek Fact Files.

Eat dinner. Try on shorts. Marvel at sexy legs (mine).

Try to write blog post; find blogger’s buggered. Write in Word for later posting.

Spin round in chair to face the Artist Formally Known as Vibro-fridge. Grin maniacally.

“In your face, fridge, in your face.”

(and rest)

4 comments:

Dora and Tina said...

DIE vibro fridge DIE!!!!

I hope you really did say "in your face vibro fridge" while the repair guy was there because that is awesome and he would have spent the rest of the day wondering why the hell you were yelling at your fridge.

Tim said...

...while I spent the rest of the day wondering if it actually was Patrick Duffy, AKA Dallas' Bobby Ewing.

The similarity was JUST uncanny!

Dora and Tina said...

Perhaps it's the best job he could get Dallas ended! Wasn't it a bit creepy to have Bobby Ewing fixing the fridge????

Tim said...

It was a bit creepy. I opened the door and almost shouted "HOLY CRAP IT'S TV'S PATRICK DUFFY!"