So I'm chilling out last night after a little bit of a Battlestar Galactica marathon that was broken only because Lost was on and I live in continual hope that it might get good again and actually answer some of my damned questions, when I notice something out of the corner of my eye.
I take a step back, flick the light on, and what do I see?
It was a goddamn Alien face-hugger is what it was. And by that I mean a spider. A MA-HOO-SIVE spider. Sitting right by my sofa.
It flipped me the finger and sneered at me.
As I was rendered almost catatonic by the sheer size of the thing, it seized its opportunity to attack.
Fortunately, working on Star Trek magazines has taught me what to do in these situations. Yes, it may have had the element of surprise, but I quickly fought back, stunning it with a Captain Kirk-stylee double-fisted punch to the gut. As the creature flew back into the wall, slumping to the ground with a thud, I body rolled into the kitchen, making sure to tear my t-shirt at the shoulder in the process (Shatner would be proud).
I saw the spider's legs scrabbling to turn it upright, and used those mere seconds to assemble a weapon, much like how Kirk fashioned a bazooka out of diamonds and bamboo to defeat the Gorn in episode 19, 'Arena'. My weapon was far more rudimentary - a lighter and some fly spray - but nevertheless every bit as effective.
Only when I had dispensed my own form of rough justice upon the beast did I realize that fly spray on its own would probably have been just as effective. Whatever.
I settled down to watch the rest of Lost, my only concern being that I hoped to god there wouldn't be a Hurley nudey scene.
A package arrived today from my Japanese colleagues. The latest issue of the Star Trek magazine I produce for them, I wondered?
No - far from it.
They'd sent me samples of a bug partwork, complete with massive, hideously realistic plastic bugs.
What sort of merry hell has been unleashed, I wondered, as I realized we've fallen a bit behind with their schedule...