Friday, August 18, 2006


I've been trying to convince Yaz to see Snakes on a Plane, but she's not biting. I don't know why - after all, it does have the winning combination of snakes, a plane, and Samuel L. Jackson. Despite her not liking snakes, planes, or Samuel L. Jackson, Yaz and I spent lunchtime discussing potential sequels. Our two initial favourites were the one starring the actor who plays Commander Riker in Star Trek: The Next Generation - Frakes on a Plane – and one with a magician - Snakes on a Blaine. But nothing really hit the spot.

Then, on the walk back to our respective offices, one of Hammersmith's resident crazies helped us complete our objective; a diminutive middle-aged woman on a BMX (no kidding!) almost ran into Yaz. With a wry look, a raised eyebrow, and a hint of venom in her voice, she turned to me and said: "Munchkin on a mutha-f**kin' bike.

Coming to a multiplex near you soon, no doubt.


There's something almost mystical in the way that Star Trek weaves itself into my everyday life. From the constant references to the uncanny similarity I have to Captain Kirk, to, well, what I do for a living.

But today was a turning point even for me.

My friends - I found the Enterprise.


You know I'm doing another 10k in October? Well Sweatband never told me that as part of the entrance fee we got a t-shirt. And, it seems, we sort of have to wear the t-shirt when we do the run.

Fair enough, you might say. But the t-shirt is cotton, and that means it's going to get sweaty, clingy, and uncomfortable. Fine. I'll wear a damned base-layer, problem solved.

But that's not all. You see, the t-shirt is turquoise.

And I don't really do turquoise.

Could it get any worse, you ask. Well let me tell you: yes, it can.

Because the run is sponsored by Tesco. And the t-shirt has Tesco printed on the arse.

I'm thinking I may have to cross it out and write Sainsburys above it in marker pen.

On the plus side, it seems Sweatband has ordered a t-shirt that's a couple of sizes too large; for pure comedy value, I've suggested that she ties the excess material in a knot at the front, pops on a pair of leg-warmers, gets a frizzy perm, and pretends to be one of the kids from Fame.


Dora and Tina said...


I couldn't resist. I was going to try and be so mature....but that ain't what I'm about.

Tesco on your arse...hehehehe

Miss T said...

Sounds like a new saying brewing right there... 'I am gonna go Tesco on your arse'

Tim said...

Ha ha!! Oh, wait, it's Tesco on MY arse. That's not funny.

And I didn't get clubcard points for it!

Dora and Tina said...

Well you should be getting at least something for wearing a huge Tesco ad on your arse.

Tim said...

Exactly! Although I do prefer Sainsburys...

Oh, conflicted loyalties!

I think at the end of the run as I cross the line I'll rip the Tesco-tee off a-la the Incredible Hulk; that would be so cool.

Dora and Tina said...

As long as you make the grunt/roar noise the Hulk makes when doing so and then throw the shirt to the ground and jump on it. Just for dramatic effect.

Tim said...

Oh, absolutely! If you're going to Hulk out, you've at least got to do it right!

Maybe I should paint myself green...

skillz said...

"I spent half of my life
in a Sainsburys queue"

I can't think of any songs that have ever mentioned Tesco.

Again, "Don't want your job at Starbucks"

Can't think of any songs that mention Cafe Nero either.

Miss T said...

Everyone seems to have forgotten about something called jogger's nipple...

Tim said...

Skillz - you've forgotten Lily Allen's LDN - she namechecks Tesco in that! Along with crack whores...

She definitely doesn't mention Cafe Nero though.

I reckon that's a super indictment of how awesome Sainsburys and Starbucks are. And when you get a Sainsbury's with a Starbucks in it... Damn! HEAVEN.

Miss Haversham - Yes, isn't it startling how attention has been deflected!? Don't worry - I've not forgotten, although I think my planned base layer under the turqoise travesty will protect me from chaffing!