Thursday, August 17, 2006

I'm going to hell

And so are you.

You see, I've got a new favourite word, courtesy of Dora and Miss Haversham.

It is spacker, and I am VERY naive.

So the last few days I've been blundering my way through life affectionately calling all and sundary spackers. It's one of them made up words, right?


Look here.


And seriously - when my brother and I used to call each other joeys as kids I thought that was just a comment on how ungainly and clumsy baby kangaroos are!

I am *SO* going to hell.

But seeing as I am, I'm also quite fond of the term window-licker and mouth-breather. Anyone got anything more to add?


skillz said...

No way! Everyone knows spacker is short for spastic since the age of about 8. I mean, we always accompanied it by shaking our hands and sticking our tongues in front of our lower teeth.

I'd like to say I was young and didn't know any better, but I did.

Miss T said...

No, you're not.

At least, I'm not going to hell for *that*. There are plenty of other objectionable things I have done or said that have ensured my passage to party with JFK, JFK junior, Sadamm and Chris. Where did I think I would go? Detroit?

Ok, more terms:

40 licks*
Shoe licker*
Shoe talker*
Shoe lover*
Rat licker*

* all based in fact
** a boy who did something American pie-ish to a couch and bragged about it. I mean, sure, other people have had to figure out how a couch can substitute for Pammy Anderson, but to BRAG about it?? That makes you a fucktard. Never brag about masturbation, no matter how cool.

I think we need to have a cultural exchange. Dora and I deal in colloquialisms every day, and I just assumed the rest of the world knew what they meant. Hhhhhobviously not.

You guys also go off about stuff like ASDA and I wonder whether it's a medical condition or a shop. Why does everyone make fun of Tesco? What's so wrong with Birmingham? Does anyone actually talk posh in the UK? The whole time I was there I was trying to translate all the different accents. Why are people from the North made fun of? The questions are endless.

Tim said...

Skillz - WAY! In my day we'd simply make do with the word spaz! Someone clearly forgot to cc me in on this memo! Although, that said, I was chattting to Yaz about it yesterday and she knew all about it too.

I feel a little left out...

Miss Haversham - MY GOD! My brother's called Simon!!!!

Definitely need some sort of cultural exchange - here's your starter for 10:

In the UK, the supermarket hierarchy begins with Morrisons and ASDA at the bottom, with Waitrose and M&S food at the top. Sainsburys and Tesco slot somewhere in the middle. We all moan about Tesco having a monopoly on the market, but all still shop there because it's convienient.

Birmingham is a hole.

We all talk posh, but only when tourists can't hear us (don't tell anyone!).

I've got a bit of a soft spot for those from the north because my grandad was a Geordie (Wi-ai man!), but there are the constant jokes - truths, actually - about geordie girls going out in sub-zero temperatures wearing only leggings and a boob tube.

Don't ask me what they're wearing on the other boob.

Dora and Tina said...

Ha ha ha! Forty Licks. Now that was some funny shit that day!

My latest saying is "Struggle Street" in "I'm really on struggle street today"...or "That kid is on struggle street". I really like that one and have over used it. Also "this is just a saga now" when referring to bullshit happenings at work.

And as for going to hell: You can't go somewhere you don't even believe in. And if I happen to be wrong (and let's face it I'm not a mormon so the chances are high) I'm sure I'll just spend my days pitchforking people and calling everyone a spacker.

Dora and Tina said...

Our cousin works at Tesco and she is always complaining in emails about it sucking really bad. But she keeps working there, so I keep telling her to suck it up!

Tim said...

Forty licks... That was a Rolling Stones compilation album!! And surely hell's more fun anyway? I bet sitting around on a cloud gets boring after a while...

People working in Tesco always look really demoralized. In fact, I was in there once, and some shelf stacker walked past me and whispered "free me."

I didn't know what to do. So I went to Sainsburys next time.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Don't look here then...

Those were the good old days: running around the playground yelling "Joey!" at everyone the day after that Blue Peter show aired. Classic! (I like to think that the link above is a tribute to the great man. Really.)

Tim said...

Oh my god! We're *ALL* going to hell!

Still, we'll have a top party. All spackers and joeys welcome!!

(I tell you what, I seriously think I'm going to get flagged for objectionable content with this post!)

Miss T said...

IDV: I think that I have just seen some people eviller than I am. And they are all middle age-ish looking people too who should know better! I love it!

Dora is responsible for fourty licks, and rat licker. The licker one is really her story to tell (complete with Stones poster and all), but let me just say it is priceless comedy gold. Rat licker should be ammended to Dead Rat Tail In Mouth.

Thanks for clearing up the ASDA/North/accent issue. ASDA reminds me a lot of ASD. I was under the impression that Tecso was the same as ASDA. Obviously not.

Hehehe. Your brother doesn't have a history of being amorous with couches around the age of 14 does he? That's really a family joke between some cousins/my brother:
"what did you do last weekend?"
"oh nothing"
"stayed at home and did a Simon, hey?"
"ooooohhhhhh yeaaaahhh"

PS What does Geordie actually mean?

Tim said...

OK... Dora! Tell us the licker story!!! Followed by the Dead Rat Tail in Mouth!

Ooo, no, you don't want to confuse Tesco and ASDA. What the hell is ASD? I'm sure I've seen a cream that can clear that up...

Simon doesn't have a history of sofa, er, loving... but I might have to change his name permanently to Jamal.

Do you know... I don't have a clue where the term Geordie comes from... (runs to wikipedia) Ah! The traditional definition of a Geordie is "someone born within sight of the River Tyne."

That counts me out then.

Miss T said...

Jamal. I'm sure he'd *love* that!

ASD is "Autism Spectrum Disorder". Basically the spectrum runs from Rain Man to you and me. Autism could happen in different degrees of severity. *Haversham takes her doctor's hat off*.

Ummm. Dora, you want to field the 40 licks one?

River Tyne? Hmmmm.

Dora and Tina said...

Right then. The famed 40 licks story and dead rat in the mouth. I started posting a comment about it, but then decided as it was going to be along one, that I would blog about them so that I could include diagrams. Proceed with caution.

Dora and Tina said... I have now completed the 2 stories for reading pleasure

Tim said...

Miss Haversham - Simon's been called Jamal before. At gigs, for some reason, Yaz and I started calling each other odd names; Mutya for her (after the ugly rabid ex-Sugababe), Bastad for me (well... say what you see, really).

Simon somehow became Jamal. Strange but true.

I thought ASD was the Aussie equivalent of Tesco! Oh, god, how dumb of me. Well, if there's one thing Rain Man taught me, it's always fly Quantas.

Dora - right... I'm hitting the link...

Miss T said...

Quantas! Quantas! Best safety record! Jeopardy!

I'd say the Aussie equivalent of Tesco is probably Woolworths. Coles always seemed to be to be *slightly* more upperclass (the shelves are nicer and they have a bigger imported range of food), but we don't really have any wanky food stored, unless you go to delis and specialist shops.

Tim said...

We've got Woolworths, and they're also a bit crap; chart CDs and old-peoples music, chavvy goods, children's clothes, stationary, and chocolates. An odd shop, and I really don't know how they've stayed in business...