Thursday, August 10, 2006

Sugar tits update

Marcosy emailed me again today to inform me that his use of the term 'sugar tits' was not, as I thought, intended as a term of affection, but was actually something that spewed out of that naughty Mel Gibson's potty mouth when he was arrested recently. Fortunately Marcosy didn't follow up with anything else that naughty Mel said during his arrest, which is lucky because he'd probably be looking at the end of his Hollywood career, and a spell in rehab quickly followed by a six month holiday as Big Brian's bitch in prison.

-----

Yaz and I devised another super money-making scheme over lunch: KFP. Yes, that stands for Kentucky Fried Pork. Genius! I've already got the advertising slogan: KFP - do you dig the pig?

(Free spork with your pork)

I'd love to tell you more about it, but the colonel will never reveal his secret recipe - the swine!

-----

I've also been turning my thoughts toward new TV shows, and I think a makeover show for ugly babies could be next season's breakout hit. The working title I've got is Bling my baby, because I realised that the initial title - Pimp my baby - might just attract the wrong sort of audience…

If anyone's interested, email me!

-----

I'm almost ashamed to admit that I've lived in damned close proximity to West London's chav blackspot most of my life - but apparently there's hope for Feltham after all; there's a new shopping centre that is home to an Asda, a Matalan, an Argos, and a New Look, so it definitely looks like things are on the up. And to top it all off I just saw a poster on a bus advertising the new shopping centre with a picture of a woman saying "Just left the gym … now I'm off to buy that g-string bikini I wanted!"

Now, look, a leopard doesn't change its spots THAT quickly. A better tagline would be "Just left the crack den … where's the nearest clap clinic?"

4 comments:

Nikki said...

You had me laughing Tim - hard

Excellent.

Tim said...

Ha ha! Just doin' my job, ma'am!!

(glad you liked it!)

Qenny said...

I know the Colonel's Secret Recipe. It's some flour, some salt, some pepper, some monosodium glutumate, and then a random selection of other herbs and spices in such minute quantities as to be undetectable by even the most sensitive of human palates.

I'm sure Gary Glitter would like Pimp My Baby. Which is exactly why your change of title was A Good Thing.

Tim said...

SHOCK! The Colonel's Secret Recipe!? How did you come into possession of this age-old, um, secret recipe? And despite all the shite in a KFC (or, I should say, because of) it still tastes soooooo gooooooood... Damn. Now I want one.

I wonder if they still do a free vienetta with a family bucket?

Ooo! Do you also have Coke's secret formula?

And yeah, I thought it probably best to shy away from the Gary audience. Strangely, even with the title change I'm yet to hear from any TV production companies...