Saturday, July 22, 2006

Monkey fun and a big spider, man

Sometimes the simplest things amuse me. And sometimes they amuse me so much that I have to breath into a paper bag for a few minutes in order to calm down.

One such thing JUST HAPPENED.

Y'see, I've got a little monkey sitting on one of my computer's speakers. Not a real one, I hasten to add; a little knitted one. Look:

Say "hello" to monkey. Well go on then.

Anyway, I just happened to surf over to Iain Baker's myspace page, and Iain's got 'Shut Us Down' by The Brakes (top tune, by the way) playing on his myspace music player thingy. And do you know what? The vibrations from the speaker made it look like monkey was shaking his little woollen leg along to it. Which made me laugh a bit more than it probably should've; I told you I was easily amused.

And then monkey fell backwards off the speaker and everything suddenly took a turn for the worse.


Excitement in the office yesterday - there was a ma-HOO-sive spider in the bathroom sink. I mean, freakin' MA-HOO-SIVE.

Don't believe me? Look at this bad boy:

And yes, it measured approximately two inches across.

I was straight on the phone trying to get through to Sigourney Weaver, because there's only one way I thought we could deal with this:

The last thing I wanted was for that thing to leap on to my face and impregnate me.

Quite frankly, if you measure over half an inch in either length or width, and have eight legs, you're seriously asking to see the bottom of my shoe - although sadly I was overruled on this occasion. I really don't get the hippy mentality of releasing these damn things back into the wild! CRUSH THEM!

Anyway, the bastard sneaked back in later, so if I catch it on Monday morning sitting at my desk checking my email or humping the photocopier, things are going to get biblical.


Inexplicable DeVice said...

I would think the photocopier would be crushed out of existance if something that size tried to hump it...

Tim said...

I think you're right - seriously, if there's no blog update on Monday you can pretty much take it as a given that I've been killed by a mutant spider!

skillz said...

Dude, that spider is huge!

You should have taken off and nuked the entire office from orbit.

It's the only way to be sure.

Tim said...

I've been thinking about nuking the office for a while now, but that has nothing to do with the spider.

It was enormous though - and the bloomin' thing is still in there somewhere! I sat cross-legged on my chair until someone else came in this morning!