Friday, July 28, 2006

A brave new world

Has anyone noticed that society is plagued by a bizarre, aggresive sub-species these days? Yes, chavs are everywhere (shudder).

But not to fear - Marcosy and I have developed a cunning plan!

My friends - I present to you CHAVTOPIA!

Imagine a place where chav culture is allowed to flourish as nature dictates it should, where chavvy children punch each other's teeth out while a Burberry flag flutters in the breeze, and chav dads hum the national anthem (Lily Allen's Smile or something by The Streets - I can't make my mind up...) while rolling biftas without any damned interfering policemen to stop them. Saves getting a job, huh?

Chav families stroll along the streets on their way to Argos to buy more cheap jewelry or have another tattoo done ("I fink I'll 'ave one that says 'angel'"), chav mum and her 12-year old chav daughter (pushing her own newborn fledgling chav in a pram) both a glorious sight in their off-white boob-tubes hanging by their waists, with their greasy locks pulled into a Croydon facelift so taut that it leaves you speechless.

Want to see the sights of Chavtopia by car? Just break into whichever one takes your fancy; after all - who the hell's gonna stop ya!?

So what do you think? Chavtopia - a brave new world where these fascinating people are able to develop without the interference of normal polite people who work for a living and obey the law?

OK, yes, I basically mean we should dump all the chavs on a desert island and let them fight it out on their own.

I still think it's a great plan though!


Anonymous said...

Hehe Chavtopia...

I think it already exists - ever been to Portsmouth?

Tim said...

NOOOOOOOOO! Don't say they've claimed Portsmouth!? They've reached our shores!!

I do hope they're not raising a Burberry flag on HMS Victory...