Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Everyone loves the monkey

Conversation with me these days naturally turns towards the subject of pets as I continue to dither over whether to welcome little Smudge into my life.

Look, here’s the little blighter with her eyes open now:

OK, I know, you can’t REALLY see that much, just two white paws and a big… well, black smudge. How apt. Anyway, the paws are damned cute, I think you’ll agree.

Anyway, Yaz has decided she wants to get a new pet. But she does not want a cat or a dog. She is not even swayed by my suggestion of a miniature horse.

She wants a monkey.

Yes, I said she wants a monkey.

Not a great ape, or a baboon or something like that. She wants one of those little ones, like Marcel from Friends. And that vicious little one from Raiders of the Lost Arc that wears a little waistcoat, and possibly even a fez, if memory serves me correctly. I don’t think she’s seen the Dustin Hoffman epic Outbreak, and I’m loathe to tell her to watch it because, while I’m dithering over the kitten, I really want her to get a monkey. Mainly because if it starts baring its nasty little pointy teeth at people and throwing poo around, it’s not my problem; I can just sit back and laugh. Unless it’s throwing poo at me.

So, yeah, the idea of a pet monkey is quite cool. I’ve even suggested that she could dress it up in little costumes; a sailor suit, a cowboy suit, perhaps even a little mariachi suit. Although to be frank it does sound like I’m planning on putting together some kind of monkey-based version of the Village People (“Young chimp, there's no need to feel down/I said, young chimp, pick yourself off the ground/I said, young chimp, 'cause you're in a new town/There's no need to be unhappy!” And, erm, so on…).

Apparently, London Zoo has opened a new monkey enclosure that you can walk through. Now that sounds like fun. Yaz and I are plotting to case the joint in August. And, er, y’know… wouldn’t it be awful if one ‘accidentally’ fell in her bag?


Mr Chunt said...

Did you or Yaz do this?

Tim said...

I'm pretty sure it was Yaz, although she denies it, because anything she says may be taken down and used against her in a court of law.