Emo girl

I've come to the conclusion that Myspace is, for the most part, a pretty weird place.

First of all, it's riddled with bugs, and glitches.

Secondly... it's all very vacuous, isn't it? Ooo, we're an up-and-coming new band, listen to us and then you can say you were our friend if/when we ever make it big. Or, ooo, I'm just seeing how many friends I can collect because then I can say I've got five million friends. Or, ooo, come look at me on my sexy webcam as I do sexy things for free. Did I mention I'm sexy (jiggle jiggle)?

Over the last couple of weeks I've had so many bands and bored slutty 18 year olds with webcams asking to be my friend that I've pretty much gone on a 'deny friend' frenzy.

And I'll be the first to admit that out of the people who are on my friends list, I think I only genuinely know one of them; on the other hand, the vast majority of other people on the list are bands or people whose lives or work interest me (no, really, I actually don't know George Takei personally!). Finally,there's the people who just asked to be my friend, and I clicked 'approve' because it didn't require as much effort as moving the mouse to the 'deny' option.

And that's where emo girl comes into the equation. Emo girl is not her real name, but is what my one and only real Myspace friend referred to her as; he doesn't know her specifically either, but used the term emo girl as a loose description of this specific teenage sub-genre.

For those of you who have used Myspace, you'll know that there's several different ways of getting in touch with your friends; there's mail (obviously), instant message (it sends messages - instantly!), and there's bulletin (which allows you to send an exciting message to all your friends simultaneously). And for those of you that don't use Myspace... well, I just told you how it works.

Bulletins are a great way for bands, for example, to let you know if they've got some gigs coming up. Emo girl is not in a band, but she bulletins anyway.

ABOUT 15 FRIKKIN' TIMES PER DAY.

She bulletins to say she is bored. She bulletins to say she wants to chat to someone PC to PC. She bulletins to say's just added new friends. She bulletins to say she's just been added as a new friend. She bulletins to say she'd like a kitten. She bulletins to say bye. She bulletins to say she wants a cup of tea; well get up off your fat arse and make one, slacker.

Seriously, she must sit at her computer ALL DAY. She can't work, and she's definitely not in education because her spelling is just awful.

And yet, I can't quite bring myself to delete her...

I suppose it's a little bit like watching a monkey flinging it's own poo around; it really shouldn't be allowed, and yet we just can't help but find it intriguing...

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You'll all be super-pleased to know that I went to the doctors today about my manky ears. Yes, they're bunged up and you'll need them syringed, he told me. Well, dur.

Anyway, he's given me some sodium bicarbonite ear drops, and told me that he'll sort me out with an appointment to see the district nurse so she can do the dirty work and flush 'em out. Doctor's these days just don't want to get involved in the nitty-gritty, do they? If it's not a ruptured spleen you've got to go on a waiting list. Yes, I said a waiting list - 10 bloomin' days!

I can feel the pressure in my head increasing. Next time I feel the need to sneeze I'm going to pinch my nose and mouth shut and hope it all goes flying out my ears.