Saturday, September 02, 2006


I've noticed that a fair few people have been marking their 100th posts recently, mostly in highly creative, emotionally deep ways. Well I didn't know this was a major event in a blogger's life (gosh, I'm so darned innocent!), and I sailed past my 100th with nary a backward glance. Still, I think it was an OK 100th. But hell, let's get our groove on with the 200th!

(Just one question - what does it say about me that I've hit 200 in just five months? I'll tell you what it means: the blogging equivalent of verbal diarrhea. Let's move swiftly on)

So how am I going to mark this auspicious occasion? I thought about a statue, but I think I'll save that for 500. Maybe 1000...

I know! 200 things you never knew about Sparky!

Um... OK, let's pretend we lost one of the '0's down the back of the sofa...

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you...

It's all about me, baby!: 20 things you never knew about Sparky! (In no particular order)

1) I dance rather well for a straight man, according to Glittering Lee. Think two-thirds Mick Jagger and a third Tina Turner.

2) I once sang Spice Up Your Life at karaoke in a pub in Twickenham. There were actually five of us (this was before Geri left), although I'm not quite sure which grrrrl I was supposed to be (although to be honest, picking one is pretty much as desirable as being asked what your favourite STD is...)

3) I can recite dialogue from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan verbatim. Scrub that - I can recite dialogue from 40 YEARS worth of Star Trek verbatim (but Star Trek II even more so).

4) I thought Baywatch was a well-plotted, intelligent, and thought-provoking television series featuring a host of intriguing characters and a killer theme tune.

5) I prefer winter to summer.

6) (I can't get no) satisfaction.

7) My first crush was on Linda Hamilton during her Beauty and the Beast days, although I remained strangely besotted by her when she bulked up for Terminator 2: Judgment Day.

8) My second crush was Rachel Friend, who played Bronwyn in Neighbours.

9) I know it's wrong, but I find Kirsten Cohen and Julie Cooper more attractive than Marissa and Summer in The OC.

10) The first film I remember seeing was ET. The second was Return of the Jedi; I distinctly recall whispering an in-depth description of who and what Admiral Ackbar was to Sparky Ma.

11) I do love a Nandos.

12) My first gig was The Rolling Stones at Wembley Stadium in 1999.

13) In September 2002 I queued overnight outside the Hammersmith Apollo to buy tickets for a one-off David Bowie concert. Money well spent.

14) I'm a trained Badminton instructor (and I'm now braced in anticipation for the torrent of cock jokes, you filthy blighters!).

15) When I was a kid I wanted to grow up to be a bus driver. Then I wanted to be captain of the Enterprise. Strangely, the latter has turned out to be closer to reality. Read into that what you will.

16) I get very morose when I'm drunk; you're better off plying me with coffee, or lots of coke (the soft drink!) and wait for the sugar rush to kick in.

17) I've got a series of moles on the right side of my face that resemble the big dipper.

18) Every now and then I think I should dye my hair green.

19) I was a dumpy looking kid.

20) Writing a blog has been the best thing I've done in a long time. Big-ups to everyone who has read, left comments, and generally molested, abused, and poked fun of me in this ickle corner of the interweb. You're all awesome buggers, and you all brighten my days.

On to the next 200, hmmm?


Ryan said...

I sing "2 Become 1" a lot. Simon Cowell called it "karaoke." I'm like, "Duh! Like your gf Teri's moans!"


But congrats to you! :p

Dinah said...

I am always Posh when we do Spice girls at Karaoke. Mostly I just pout and point and look bored and famous.

How do you get to be a trained badminton instructor? Do you have a certificate? Or better yet, a badge?

Congrats! I don't know what took me so long to come and read you, but I am so glad I did.

Tim said...

Ryan - Cheers dude!

Simon Cowell is so damned hypocritical! He's basically responsible for the current music scene over here which is jammed full of Spice Girls wannabes (ha! D'ya see what I did there?), and yet he moans about them all the time. But I do find him funny on X Factor/Pop Idol, so I'm going to forgive him on all counts just this once.

Oh, and now I've got '2 Become 1' playing in my head!

Dinah - That's ALL Posh ever did!! What exactly was her purpose?! Give her her due, though, she got pointing and pouting down to a fine art.

How do you get to be a trained badminton instructor? Oh, I had to do a course for a day 10 years ago. And I did get a certificate, and was approved and covered by the national badminton league (or something like that) and their insurance in case someone was horrifically injured under my guidance (!), although that expired and I couldn't be bothered to renew it.

Basically the day consisted of pointing, pouting, and occasionally shouting at people. A bit like Posh Spice, then!

Oh, and Dinah - I'm so glad you did come here!

Miss T said...

Great 200th Tim! Keep up the good work prattling on this blog, it entertains me no end.

I find it very interesting that there is basically a boy version of me knocking about in the UK, doing my dream job. As far as I can tell, you seem to get toys all the time.

Oh, and tell that Marcosy person to post his second most awesome story!

Dora and Tina said...

Posh Spice is a dirty slag...Posh Spice is a dirty slag....

Isn't that a football anthem? Anyway, she is a dirty slag and evidently a stick insect.

Seeing we are reminiscing about old times, when Miss H first read your blog she told me to come over and read it too. At first I was all like "whatever" mainly because I don't think anyone is as funny me and also it's hard for people to break into list of blogs I visit everyday....

BUT After reading some archives and laughing at some of your adventures out loud, I now come here everyday to enjoy the hilarity and occasional slag off.

Happy 100th Tim!

Dora and Tina said...

Oh crap...I meant to say happy 200th.

See I was all caught up thinking about how much of a slag Posh Spice was/is.

Just x2

skillz said...

Bronwyn from Neighbours, everyone fancied her!

Congratulations Timbo!

Tim said...

Miss Haversham - Unfortunately I don't get THAT many toys. Usually I have to buy them myself. Or shoplift. KIDDING!!!!!

And I'll be harrassing Marcosy next week until he does post his story...

Dora - Now, I'm not the world's biggest authority on footie, but I believe the correct lyrics to the aforementioned chant are:

"Posh spice takes it up the a*se, Posh spice takes it up the a*rse" (repeat as necessary).

Could someone confirm that? The lyrics, I mean, not that she takes it up the arse. I mean a*se.

I love the fact that you said you like reading about my adventures. Makes me sound like Indiana Jones!

Skillz - I was bloody distraught the day that she married Henry. When the vicar did the whole "is there anyone here who doesn't think they should get married..." spiel I was standing nose to screen in front of the telly screaming "SHE'S MINE!!!!!!!" until I went red in the face and passed out.

All - fanks fo' yer congrats... it'd make me all misty-eyed if I wasn't well 'ard and a practising Vulcan. But, y'know, I appreciate it an' all!

Will said...

Nice one. It took me a year to get to 200...

Tim said...

Ha ha! Cheers Will!! I think it says something about me needing to get out more...!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

And here's another one I simply must leave a comment at!

Oh! Bravo! (Think Star Trek IV at the end when they're all let off and Gillian Taylor [or Christine Chapel or Janice Rand - can't remember rightly] comes over all unneccessary! Are there too many n's, c's & s's in that?

You're so prolific! It took me ten months just to get to 100.

Tim said...

Oh, I love it when Gillian wanders over to Kirk and says "see you around the Galaxy," then we NEVER SEE HER AGAIN.

I bet they dissected the woman from the past.

Kirk's like, "Gillian who? Whatever." And on to the next one.

As for the spelling... (puts finger to chin and looks all quizical) ... never eat chocolate eating salad sandwiches are really lovely. Yep, you're one 'C' too many. But I'll let you off!

I am prolific. Or bored. I don't intend either to mean 'good'; passable will do! I'm actually like Captain Pike, confined to a wheelchair with only beeps to communicate with. I'm tapping this out with a proddy thing stuck to my head.

Damn, where's Vina. Is she an Orion slave girl today, or is she doing the withered old hag look...?