Monday, September 18, 2006

Butter fingers

Despite the fact that you stroll into work thinking Monday's going to be relatively easy, there's always something that goes wrong. And to be honest, the fact that we're supposed to have an issue at the printers tomorrow and we only started it today hasn't been the pinnacle of today's trauma tree (oh, publishing - it's such a gas! We're all so anarchic and frivalous!)

No, first of all, I bought some new cereal. Oatabix, the new oaty cousin of Weetabix. Shitabix more like. Y'see, it tasted like shit. One to avoid, my friends.

Then, at lunchtime, it took me about a minute to get a plate out of the cupboard. For some reason I couldn't get a grip on the damned thing. I must've looked terribly spackerish squatting on the floor and apparently stroking all the plates. Then, to my horror, I discovered that the toaster had bust, and to actually toast my bagel I had to stand there holding the friggin' button thing down. And I kept having to lean over the toaster to see if my bagel was toasted; quite frankly I'm amazed I actually have any eyebrows left.

To add insult to injury, I then burnt my finger getting the bagel out of the toaster. For a brief minute I considered plunging it into my fresh from the fridge tub of butter to cool it off, but then I realised that's probably quite unhygenic. So I put it in someone else's butter instead.

And then, in the afternoon, I discovered that penology means something completely different to what I assumed it meant!

You learn something every day, huh?


Miss T said...


My Monday was tolerable. But only just. I'm gearing up for round two at the mad house now....

What.... is..... this.... thing called.... penology? *double punch*

Dinah said...

Okay, so what is penology?

Also, burns suck. Majorly.

Tim said...

Miss Haversham - embrace the spirit of Kirk and you can achieve anything... so long as you're not fighting Malcolm McDowell on a rickety bridge.

Penology, is not, as I thought, an 'ology' in pens, but is rather the theory and practice of prison management and criminal rehibilitation. Ooo...

Dinah - Burns do suck, but I appear to have developed a Wolverine-style ability to heal; it's all better!

Either that or it wasn't actually that bad in the first place...

Dora and Tina said...

Well without really thinking at work today I stuck a knife into the toaster to pull out my bread that had gotten stuck.

Everyone was so mortified.

I said "Relax guy! I'm not going to get hurt" and then proceeded to fake being electrocuted.

They all ignored me.

Tim said...

Ha ha!!! I went to do that a few months ago and was shouted at by our accounts girl until I swapped the knife for a wooden spoon!

Some people just have *NO* sense of adventure...

Next time they ignore you, throw the toaster at them. That'll get their attention...!

Dora and Tina said...

I said later that the whole thing *could* have been real and they were too busy ignoring me to help me.

One response to that was: "But it wasn't real"

Oh whatever! I'm trying to up the comedy stakes and they're all about putting me down....or ignoring me.

Tim said...

There's only one response to that, and no, I don't mean hiring a hit man on this occasion:

Put them down. Put them down a pit filled with Punji sticks. Let's see if they can ignore those.

Person: "I'm bleeding! I fell down a pit and I'm bleeding. Arrgh! Help me!"

Dora: "I'm sorry, I can't hear anything."

Dinah said...

Study of prisons would have been my third guess, after
1. pens
2. penises

The more you know.

Tim said...

Hee-hee! Yeah, that's pretty much what I figured. Although I wouldn't have thought of prisons if it hadn't been for the context of the article I was editing.

I mean, was prisonology taken? Like, duuur...