Thursday, September 28, 2006

What?!

First of all, apologies to everyone who read the last post three times. I don't know why blogger did that, but as funny as the Hasselhoff and monkey videos were, they did not warrant being posted three times.

*Ahem*

Anyways, moving on - there's been a development in my ear wax situation. It's still there.

I actually got round to getting some ear drops today. Boots had a broad range of Boots' own-brand ear drops or Boots' own-brand ear drops, so I enny-meany'ed for a while, then plumped for the own-brand version.

Being the diligent young chap that I am, I dutifully read the warning leaflet that accompanied said ear drops. Did you know you weren't supposed to put ear drops in your eyes? I didn't - that was were I was going to test them before applying to my ear. Phew - that was a close call, let me tell you!

Fortunately, I was visiting Sparky Ma and Pa tonight, so I enlisted Sparky Ma to assist me in Operation: Ear Drops. Sparky Ma does make me laugh when she does this sort of thing; she pops the first few drops in, then gasps a little like she 'accidently swapped it with acid' or something. She also sternly warned me not to dribble ear juice on the sofa.

Anyway, so she popped the drops in, and I lay in a horizontal orientation while they fizzed away in my ear.

"You'll probably go deaf in a minute," said Sparky Ma.

"What?!" I exclaimed, although I'd actually, and quite surprisingly, heard her quite clearly (it should also be noted that such an exclaimation doesn't appear quite so dramatic when lying in a horizontal orientation).

"I said you'll probably go deaf in a min-" And that's when all sound cut out. I now know exactly how Charlie felt when Mr Eko set that dynamite off in the hatch.

"But this is supposed to prevent me going deaf!" I shouted really loudly.

"Stop shouting, I'm right in front of you."

I "humphed" in protest, which again looked a bit stupid while lying horizontally.

"Do you want to do the other ear as well?" Sparky Ma said, wielding the ear drop bottle like it was a molotov cocktail.

-----

According to a letter from the Halifax, my home insurance "does not cover any loss, damage, liability, cost, or expense of any kind directly or indirectly caused by, resulting from or in connection with any act of terrorism."

"Terrorism," they go on to explain, "means the use, or threat of use, of biological, chemical and/or nuclear force or contamination."

Marvellous. But to be honest, if someone drops the big H on me, I'll be more concerned about my peeling skin and the appearance of a third arm than whether or not the bank'll be paying out for a new roof and double glazing...

4 comments:

Inexplicable DeVice said...

whines - I didn't get to read it three times.

* harrummph *

And, Yay! First!

Tim said...

Didn't you? Trust me - it didn't get any better!!

Mr Chunt said...

a Dremel [tm] would clear the wax...

Tim said...

You're not Dremeling [TM] my ear you psycho.