Thursday, September 14, 2006

It's awesome Thursday

I apologise in advance if your Thursday is not quite as good as mine. I don't know why mine is so awesome today, it just is; accept that, go with the flow, enjoy it.

How the hell has yours been?

So we've all had fun with the testicles thing, huh? I'm going to draw a line under them now though (not literally), mostly because you've all made me want to pee every time I've read your comments. Shucks, you lot are funny!

And what am I going to draw a line under them with? Why, my new biro! There's something incredibly satisfying about a new biro. And by biro, I do mean the REALLY cheap ones - the ones that cost about 20p for a box of four million. I don't know what's so satisfying about them - maybe it's the disposability factor. Maybe it's because they taste so ... neutral, and look so natural when I push one to my mouth in a sexy yet thoughtful manner. I don't know. What I do know is that after a tea-based incident this morning which rendered my previous biro moist and able to write only in Earl Grey, I needed a new biro.

And by gum, we got some doozies with our last stationary order. A transparent body, a firm nib, and a matt black cap. Cheap biro heaven, my friends, cheap biro heaven.

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I'm officially on the road to stud-muffinliness. A while back I signed up to an Innocent drinks thingy whereby every now and then they drop a few bottles of smoothies into the office - ABSOLUTELY FREE! Hurrah!

Today I was just sitting finishing some work off when a perky little blonde lady walked into the office (through the door, I hasten to add; she didn't just slam into the wall), and called out my name.

"Yes," I said, after determining that she wasn't a nutter. I mean, she could've been, but attractive nutters are acceptable.

"I'm from Innocent," she said, plonking TWO BOXES of mango and passion fruit cartons on the floor. TWENTY FOUR CARTONS OF SMOOTHIES!!!!

"WOW! Thanks," I said.

"That's alright," she replied. Then she just stood there, smiling and blinking at me.

I thus determined that I had a three-pronged course of action:

1) Say "Well go on, your work here is done - bugger off."

2) Give her a free copy of our latest issue. She might've quite liked a figurine of Mister Spock.

3) Pull her towards me and kiss her passionately on the lips like Captain Kirk, and teach her about this human thing called love.


Sadly, while I spent time pondering what to do, she realised that her work here was done, and she turned around and left. Still, I know where she works; I park my car opposite their office. Hubba hubba.

(This is, of course, purely innocent; I just want to make sure I get my five portions per day. Of fruit and veg! Get yer mind outta the gutter!!)

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As much as I like Innocent smoothies, I don't like bits in my drink. As such, I often, erm, strain the bits out of juices (or buy smooth if possible). And with so many cartons of smoothies, I decided that I needed to buy a strainer for home. So I did. And then I got home and realised I didn't have it. So I rushed back outside, only to find that I'd dropped it in the road. I swooped it up just moments before it was run over by a Vauxhall Tigra of all things.

Could you imagine the look on the cashier's face if I'd had to take it back to Tesco?

Anyway, the only downside to straining smoothies is that it takes an age, and your left with masses of what can only be described as fruit paste to dispose of. I suppose I could always use it to fill some holes in the wall...

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I was sent a photo of me from Tuesday's party today, sporting my school boy/popstar stud-muffin look. Another reminder of the party is in the form of a small plastic heart badge that we were all given and made to wear. It has flashy lights that won't turn off, and I can't quite work out if it's the coolest freebie I've ever gotten at a party, or the stupidest.

You decide:


Oh, and it also gave me quite a fright on Tuesday when I got home. Why are my trousers pulsing with blue light, I wondered? I've subsequently stashed it in my desk drawer, and it scares the tits out of me every time I open it for something. I wonder how long until the batteries run out...?

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As good as today has been, it's also been tinged with a hint of sadness. Y'see, tomorrow I will officially finish the final issue of our Star Trek: The Next Generation DVD magazine. I owe this publication a lot; to be honest, almost three years ago, I actually opened a blank word document to write my letter of resignation from the company after spending a year working on non-Trekkie magazines following the end of The Official Star Trek Fact Files which I previously worked on. Just as I was about to type 'Dear...' my boss called me up and said "Star Trek's coming back to life!"

I never looked back - and now we're almost done, something that seemed almost unimaginable back in 2003. So with 70 issues behind us, and the two newbie Star Trek mags now released into the wild, I raise my glass of mango and passion fruit smoothie to The Next Generation. Make it so!

7 comments:

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Oh, it's a shame Smoothie Girl didn't hang around for one of your three prongs!

Will you be posting that pic of you from the party? Your adoring public need something to brighten their tired lives (or is it just me, then?).

Tim said...

Three prongs... Sounds like a 'fork.' Hmmm...!

Ha ha! Actually, I was asked that very question about the party pic just a couple of hours ago by Marcosy! I might, but It'll have to wait until I get a quiet chance to scan it in - it'll seem awfully egotistical to sit here merrily scanning myself while everyone's working!

Ryan said...

Those smoothie chunks are fantastic for your pores, my friend. ;)

missy&chrissy said...

i don't know what i'm more jealous of you for having -- the flashing blue freebie, or the case of mango smoothies!

Tim said...

Ryan - Are you suggesting I smear the smoothie chunks on my face? Dude - that's seriously FUBAR!!!! And why are smoothies called smoothies when they have bits in them? Shouldn't they be called bitty? Oh, wait, bitty means something else entirely if you're watching Little Britain...

Missy&Chrissy - Go with the free smoothiess. I just checked the flashing blue freebie, and the battery has finally died. I don't know whether to be sad or relieved. It's erratic flashing patterns were strangely hypnotic.

Do you get Innocent smoothies in the States? I hope you do - they're seriously good. And their vans are either covered in astro turf or painted like cows. They moo as they drive around town. Check 'em out here

missy&chrissy said...

moo'ing vans?! we are totally missing out, as we do not get innocent smoothies in the states. i so wish we did. *sob*

reason #85 for us to move to the UK...

Tim said...

Missy and Chrissy - do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to email Innocent and tell them to get their smoothies over to the States ASAP!