I got an email from Marcosy today. It said:
"How would you like all access to Christina Slaguilara? I got an email from the iloveallaccess people offering me just that. I’ve decided to pass, but are you interested?"
iloveallaccess is a website, y'see, that gives you access to your favourite music stars. That doesn't mean that you can sneak up on them in the shower and towel-whip them, or secretly snuggle up to them in bed while they're asleep; no, it means you get tickets to one of their gigs, and you get to see them soundcheck beforehand, and you get a little bit of a party (albeit without said star - they obviously don't want to get THAT close to the little people).
Anyway, Christina Slaguilara? My reply to Marcosy was something along the lines of "I'm not entirely convinced, and by 'not entirely convinced' I actually mean 'no.'"
That's not to say we haven't enjoyed an access-all-areas gig before...
WHOA! TURN BACK TIME!!
Toward the end of last year, I found out that Sheryl Crow was playing a couple of gigs at the Hammersmith Apollo. And if there's one lady of rock that Marcosy and I like, it's Sheryl Crow. We've seen her a couple of times before at Shepherds Bush, and on one occasion, when I was sitting just along from Ronnie Wood (!), I leaned over the balcony and shouted "I LOVE YOU SHERYL!" She actually looked at me with an expression that sort of indicated I was a bit of a weirdo. Anyway, I emailed Marcosy and said that Sheryl Crow was playing, and he replied "I know, I've already got tickets." Great, I said, how much do I owe you?
"£120," he said. Now, that almost made me choke on my biro. That's a lot of money for a gig. Then he explained that it was an iloveallaccess thingy, and we got to meet Sheryl. Sold, I said.
So the day came, a day when I actually should've been decorating the at-that-time-recently-purchased Sparky Towers, and we set off to Hammersmith.
We rocked up to the Apollo at about 2pm, around six hours before the gig was due to start, and along with around 20 other fabulously wealthy rock fans were greeted by Sheryl's superbly over the top road manager. She gave us stickers with our names on because Sheryl likes to greet people by name. Bless 'er.
So we trotted into the Apollo, took some seats at the front of the empty auditorium, and watched the band tune their instruments and drink bottled water. After about 10 minutes Sheryl came out wearing a massive wooly cardigan (not rock 'n roll) and some knee-high pointy boots (very rock 'n roll). She waved at us (we collectively blushed), then she proceeded to warm up her voice, singing snippets of her songs while things revved up around her. She endeared herself to us by having to read the lines to 'Tomorrow Never Dies' from a sheet.
A short while later, we were told that now was the time to meet Sheryl. And so we trotted onstage - yes, ONSTAGE AT THE HAMMERSMITH APOLLO! We lined up as if we were about to have a school photo taken, then Sheryl tottered over to us. She began to greet everyone by name (those stickers were such a good idea), saying "hi, nice to meet you" to everyone in turn. Me and Marcosy were last in line. "Hi, nice to meet you," she said to Marcosy as he grinned like a crazy fool, then she moved on to me and said "Hi Tim, REALLY nice to meet you."
"And you," I said. Marcosy turned to look at me a bit indignantly (at this time, I should point out that Marcosy's general aim in life is to be Mister Sheryl Crow), but he didn't have time to say anything as we were all lined up for a photo with Sheryl.
And so, after that, we got to see Sheryl rehearse the whole gig, then went for a private backstage party with the OTT road manager, who shared a huge number of libellous stories about other rock stars with Marcosy and I, then we wandered back out to the by this time packed auditorium to see the real gig. In front row seats (for £120 I should bloody well hope so).
It just so happened that my seat was DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE MICROPHONE. And for the duration of the gig, I could've sworn Sheryl kept staring at me. Heh heh, I thought, it's just a trick of the imagination...
And then, our nine-hour Sheryl Crow extravaganza was over. And as we strolled out into the night, leaving Sheryl behind us, Marcosy turned to me and said "why was she staring at you all throughout the gig?"