Friday, September 22, 2006

Huh!

I'm sorry, I couldn't think of a title for this post. The above "huh!" is supposed to be a James Brown style "huh!" rather than a downhearted "huh."

I think you know what I mean.

(Huh! I FEEEEEEL good!)

Righty-ho...

Ooo, I just saw Clerks II. I'm a big Kevin Smith fan, and kinda in the minority because Mallrats is my favourite, and I actually like Jersey Girl. And now I love Clerks II, too. It had the prerequisite filthy humour, pop culture references, and good characterization. Oh, and it and had Rosario Dawson in it, and she's now my new favourite person. On the downside, I didn't need to see Jay do 'the tuck.' (Don't know what I mean? Go see the movie, then you'll get it...)

Yaz came with me, and she loved it as well, even though she's not seen any of the other View Askew movies. I think she's been inspired to seek them out now. I should seriously be on commission for this sort of thing...

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I finished watching season three of The OC on DVD yesterday, and yes, I know I've said it before, but I'm going to say it again: AWESOME, AWESOME, AWESOME show. I had held out hope that Marissa's death in the last episode might've been augmented with some quality CGI to make it even more amazing - maybe the odd limb being blown off, and Ryan having to wipe bits of her off his face - but alas it was not to be. Still, at least I've got it on DVD now and can watch it to my heart's content.

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I usually slide into a bit of a post-OC slump after finishing a DVD boxset, but not this time. No, I have something incredible to keep me occupied - William Shatner's latest Star Trek novel!

OK, I know it's not going to be Shakespeare, but as page-turners go the mighty Shat has got it covered. And I know he doesn't actually WRITE them as such, but there's something quite wonderful about picturing Shatner reclining on a chaise longue while reciting dialogue to a young secretary tapping away at an old-fashioned manual typewriter.

"Have I ... covered the alien ... love ... scene yet?"

"No Mr. Shatner."

"She's ... green ... and I've ... got my ... phaser ... drawn. Are you getting this?"

"Yes Mr. Shatner."

"Good... Where ... was I? Oh... yes ... She's ... WAIT! They ... There's many ... MANY ... green women..."

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I'm sort of getting addicted to Solitaire on my communicator, or phone as I probably should call it. I've been playing it in Starbucks at lunchtime. And I'm getting quite good at it. Did you know there are multiple different styles of Solitaire? I didn't, but I'm steadily mastering them all.

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I sneezed massively over my computer at work this morning. Fortunately I was the only person in the office at the time. I actually sat there for a good few seconds in complete shock at what had occurred; there were long mucusy tendrils and everything. It must've looked like I was testing some sort of new bio-mechanical link between man and machine.

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I tried a Muller toffee sticky pudding yoghurt last night, and I must say I was a little indifferent to it. On the plus side it tasted OK, and the empty pot in the bin is making my house smell like toffee; on the downside, the cakey element was not sufficiently cakey, and Sainsburys did not count it as part of their 'buy five Muller yoghurts for £3' deal, so I actually bought four yoghurts for more than £3, and the sticky toffee pudding-yoghurt on top. Which miffed me a tad.

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My bagel inexplicably turned blue today (no, this is not a euphemism), so I have not had the opportunity to refine my use of the new office toaster. I did think about toasting the rancid bagel anyway just to see if I could locate the optimum toaster setting, but after a closer inspection of the aforementioned bagel I decided that it might explode in the process.

As such, lunch consisted of a Yorkie bar (they're not for girls), a packet of bacon flavour Wheat Crunchies (I have developed a taste for these, despite the fact that they taste like bacon-flavoured all-bran), and a can of chocolate Nourishment drink (whose name I have always loved as it gives me the opportunity to do my impression of a Talosian when they order Captain Pike to "consume his nourishment")

I briefly considered threading the Wheat Crunchies onto a piece of string and lowering them into the toaster.

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I got an email from Cancer Research today reminding me about the upcoming 10k and wishing me good luck. And then there was this passage:

"Facilities: Toilets, refreshments and a first aid area are provided. A water station will be at the halfway point. A Marie Keating Foundation cancer awareness unit will also be at this event, please come and Take Five minutes with one of our nurses."

Come and take five with one of our nurses?! Now, either they know something they're not telling me, or there's definitely going to be some saucy Benny Hill-style slutty nurse shenanigans going on that day...

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Check this out - it's the new TMX Tickle Me Elmo (I assume the 'X' stands for 'EXTREME!'):


Am I alone in thinking that it should've been called Super-Epileptic Elmo?

7 comments:

Dinah said...

That is an invitation for Benny Hill-style shenanigans if I've ever heard one.

I love Clerks and Mallrats and Chasing Amy. I haven't seen Clerks II but I'm really happy it got such good 'buzz'.

missy&chrissy said...

your shatner-as-author scenario was hilarious...and that extreme elmo is perhaps the scariest thing we've ever seen.

Tim said...

Dinah - Yes, I think so too. Saucy nurses, eh? Hmmm... It's funny, but Skillz mentioned about Benny Hill-style antics a couple of posts ago... I wonder if he's arranged this?

I think you'll love Clerks II; it was great to catch-up with all the characters, although I'll never look at a donkey quite the same again...

Missy and Chrissy - I do hope that's how Shatner writes. I can picture him with his hands held aloft as he visualizes scenes... all of which involve green women!

I'm a bit scared by extreme elmo too. It's inventions like that that will ultimately lead us to the future shown in the Terminator movies. And quite frankly, the last thing I want to see is 'Terminate me Elmo.'

Miss T said...

Oooh! Clerks II. I can't wait.

And Mallrats was the best because of Shannon Dogerty.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

So, Elmo is a spacker. I knew it!

If there are a hoard of slutty nurses, there should also be a little bald man. Make sure you give his head a good few slaps (no, this is not a euphemism either)while you're there.

skillz said...

Can't wait to see Clerks II. Loved all the other Smith films, but dude- DOGMA! That was totally the best one! "I didn't come in you Pete, I swear!".

That Elmo thing is weird. According to the witness testimonies, the Kurds who had their village attacked with chemical weapons by Saddam were convulsing in a similar manner.

Tim said...

Miss Haversham - I'd forgotten how filthy rude Kevin Smith films were. It was great!! Yes, Shannon was good in Mallrats, although according to the DVD she was a bit of a nightmare to work with...

Inexplicable Device - Elmo's actually a bit scary now... If I saw one of those I'd feel compelled to beat it with a stick!

And is that an order to slap a bald man...? A challenge, huh? I'm not sure I could actually do it, but the temptation might be overwhelming. Maybe I could convince Sweatband to slap him instead.

Skillz - I think you should go see Clerks II; I think you should make it the fourth film you've seen in recent years. Do it. Do it. Do it. DO IT!

Whoa! Are you saying it should be Chemical Attack Elmo!? I know Sesame Street was trying to get with the times an' all, but that's a little extreme!! What next? Sex change Ernie?!