Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Fart shoes and a waxy build-up

I've got possibly the coolest pair of trainers EVAH. They're red, white, and black Etnies. They match my car.

Did I just admit that I coordinate trainers and transport?

Anyway, this is the second pair of these particular Etnies that I've had, and they are SOOOOOOOOOOOO comfortable. So comfortable. They're like slippers, except not at all old-man like. I heart my Etnies.

But recently, I realised that the end for my Etnies was near. They started farting. Have you ever had that? Y'know, when you've worn the sole down so much that they begin to make a bizarre farting noise. And last week it started to get embarrassing, because people started to turn round and look at me, and of course, being the polite chap that I am, I felt compelled to say "pardon," because otherwise I just look like I'm being rude.

I'm making excuses for farty trainers.

And so, with a heavy heart, I've come to terms with the fact that the time has come to replace my Etnies.

I tried to get another pair, but Etnies no longer make them. So I thought about a pair of Onimitsuzukikawasaki Tigers (or whatever they're called), but I do like a reasonably deep sole, and the Tigers don't offer that. So I checked out some different Etnies on Kate's Skates.

And that's where I found: THE KINGPIN.

Pretty cool, huh?

I ordered them, and they turned up today.

I'm just about to pop them on and parade around the house while the Lost season finale is on.

Awesomeness will ensue.


Elsewhere in Sparky World - I've got a bit of an ear wax problem. I've noticed it becoming more apparent over the last week or so, but the big lump is just ... out ... of reach. I thought about growing a really long fingernail so I could hook it and scoop it out, but long fingernails generally equate to 'massive weirdo' in my book.

It's been suggested to me that I make use of an 'ear candle.' As exciting as this sounds, I'd rather try it on someone else just for laffs; the last thing I want to do is set fire to my own head.

So I think I'm going to have to resort to some ear drops... I really don't want to, because there's something deeply satisfying about pulling a big lump of wax from your ear (not YOUR ear, I mean MY ear...). But on the other hand, I've run out of different ways of saying "what?!" to people...



• I just mixed some southern fried, um, fries with some regular fries. It was really quite exciting, because I never really knew what taste sensation was going to come next...

• Just heard on Supernanny: "Supernanny's back to show them where they've gone wrong!" Oh, I can do that for her - they shouldn't have had children...

• Lost season two finale in ... 11 minutes! What's the betting no questions are answered, Jack looks pained, some new questions are thrown up, and Kate looks sexily perplexed?


skillz said...

Sweet shoes. I've had my Vans for about 4 years now and they're severely mashed up. I tried using bathroom sealant to stop the faring noises but it didn't work. They're so comfortable, but I've got to replace them soon.

Bring on Lost! Bring on the answers! Bring Annalucia, Libby and Shannon back!

Tim said...

Bathroom sealant is a pretty cool idea! I tried super glue once, but it didn't work. Not so damned super after all...

I miss Libby... but the other two can stay dead. Miss Vacuous and Little Miss Crazy?! NO!!!!!!!

Holy crap - did you see that Bob Dylan's advertising iPods?! The ads on Lost come thick 'n fast!!!

Dinah said...

I have very waxy ears. Is that too much info? I was just thinking about how I'd like to try an ear candle one day, but I'm terrified of fire, so it probably won't be anytime soon. I use Murine ear drops, but they're a TON more effective if someone else puts them in your ear (having to do with angles and stuff...I don't know if that's proven, just from my experience). Also, if had my ears flushed out by a doctor, and it is the coolest and weirdest thing in the world.

Tim said...

No, Dinah, that's not too much information - this is a caring, sharing blog after all!

I'm not too sure about the ear candle. I really don't think humans were ever intended to set fire to parts of their anatomy - unless you're Johnny Knoxville or Steve-O, that is.

I think drops will have to be the answer ... unless I stick a pen in the other ear and push it all the way through...

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I know it's a bit late now, but I'd just like to say: I had a series of Caterpillar trainers and, without fail, after a few months of wear, the left one would always make fart noises. Each time I bought a replacement pair, I thought: These ones won't make the noise.
Somewhat sadly, it took me four pairs to learn that Caterpillar make farting trainers.
End of story.

Tim said...

A few months?! Blimey - that's a bit quick!! My fart trainers kicked in over a year after I started wearing them!!

I think you should've got Watchdog onto Caterpiller - there's definitely a case there...!

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