Monday, March 20, 2006

A soul-sucking trip to Tesco


Just down the road from me is what appears to be the biggest Tesco on the face of the planet. I think it has its own membership to the European Union. Maybe even its own gravity well. Certainly its own sub-human species who prowl the aisles, rarely stepping into the light.

Its almost always impossible to just 'pop' into Tesco. Inevitably you find yourself drawn towards something you neither wanted nor needed. Example in point: the syrup pudding that now resides in my fridge. I'm sure it'll be lovely, but y'know...

Tesco is the perfect example of how to force a spontaneous purchase.

And inevitably I forget what I went there for as soon as I walk through its expansive, chewing-gum ridden portal.

Damn it was chicken I needed, not cillit bang!

Notable sights this visit:

• Two giant footprints painted on the floor to instruct me how to stand while at the cashpoint. My stance was about right, I'm glad to say.

• A man who looked like that serial killer from The X-Files who slept for 40-odd years in a bile-mache cocoon then woke up to eat people's livers. Fortunately he was crushed in a tragic escalator incident. The dude from The X-Files, that is, not the guy in Tesco.

I was also awarded 15 clubcard points and two Tesco 'computers for schools' vouchers. Screw the schools - how do I trade these bad boys in for that new intel iMac I've been lusting after?

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