Shat attack!

Set your phasers to fun, people: It's William Shatner's birthday!

Yes, the man who brought us Captain Kirk, TJ Hooker, and Denny Crane is 75 years young today.

And to celebrate, here's a few Shatner facts. Some of which may not be ... true...

• The Church of Shatner is the fasted growing religion in the Northern Hemisphere.

• Shatner is currently planning a new range of children's books. The first in the series, The Shat in the Hat, is due to be published in early 2007.

• Shatner should always be referred to as 'lord' or 'the almighty one'.

• My parents ensured that my initials matched those of TJ Hooker, despite the fact that I was born five years before the series began. (Great bit of forethought there, Mum and Dad!)

• In a fight between Shatner and David Hasselhoff, The Shat would definitely win by knocking the The Hoff to the ground with repeated double-fisted punches to the head. The potential television audience for such a spectacle is beyond calculation – the event itself possibly being beyond the capacity of our simple human brains to comprehend – but is definitely more than the viewing figures for last Christmas' Eastenders Special.

• William Shatner will spend his birthday delivering gifts to all the children of the world, vanquishing the forces of evil wherever they lurk, and engineering a renewable source of clean energy. He will also unite all the countries of the world in harmony, and lead humanity towards a bright new future under his guidance.

On a final note, let's take a look at the man's finest moment.

Ah, bless you, Bill - many happy returns!