Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Waking up is hard to do

Let's get this straight: I don't like getting up in the morning. I can do it, but I don't like it. And during the week is especially difficult because I can work flexi-time, so the earlier I get in the earlier I can leave. Good eh? You'd think so!

What that does mean, though, is that I generally try to get up at about 6:30 every morning, so I'm in work by about eight, maybe a tad before, and can leave around four in the afternoon, thus giving me a nice long evening in which to do my thaaaang. The thing is, there's something in my brain, some devious litte bugger of a neuron, that tries to disrupt my well-planned, er, plans.

Initially this meant that like millions of others around the world I'd be woken up by my alarm clock, hit snooze, and have another five minutes or so. But over the years this has ... mutated, I think you could say, to the point where I've developed the amazing ability to actually turn off my alarm clock in my sleep. How the hell do I do that? I don't know!

So now I've resorted to putting the alarm clock out of arm's reach, so when it goes off I've actually got to get out of bed in order to turn it off (all the while stifling yawns and resisting the opportunity to then clamber back into bed for "another five minutes," because you know it's the most tempting thing to do on a cold morning).

Mind you, don't think that's solved all the problems - no word of a lie, I woke up one morning with my feet in bed, and the rest of my body supported on one arm while the other was clutching the alarm clock. You'd think I was doing one armed press-ups in my sleep, which would've been impressive because I can't do them when I'm awake.

To combat this I've since resorted to also setting the alarm on my phone, bacause I'd be really impressed if I could turn two clocks off at the same time while asleep, and in the process master the no-armed press-up - or levitation as it's also known.

Wouldn't that be funny?

Yes, funny. So laugh this up.

I woke up this morning sitting upright on the edge of the bed with vague knowledge that I was holding the alarm clock in my left hand. And as my eyes fluttered open and I yawned adorably like a little new-born kitten, I involuntarily threw it against the bed frame, which is wooden. And then I reached over, picked up my phone that was by now beeping like a heart-rate monitor, and promptly dropped that on the floor.

On the plus side, whacking the clock against the bed did shake me fully conscious, and made me think "bugger - I bet I've broken it," which was quite an effective way of waking myself properly (though not particularly cost effective on a day-to-day basis). And dropping the phone made me think "bugger - I bet I've broken that too."

Still, no harm done - they both still work. There's always tomorrow, I suppose...

(Personally, I'm blaming my new GOSA BLINKAS - sorry, pillows - they're so damn comfortable that they don't particularly encourage early rising!)


Favourite sight while out running last night - a car with a number plate on which the first four figures were KN06.

It looked like it said 'knob!'


Dinah said...

I HATE getting out of bed. It sucks. Bed is so comfortable, and warm, and not evil.

Dora said...

I only yell things out in my sleep...and I have been known to punch walls. But not to do some kind of cirque de soleil acrobatics to turn things off.

That my friend is way waaaayyyy cool. Except for not getting up on time due to it...that sucks.

Tim said...

Dinah - Having to get out of bed is the worst part of the day ever. I think we should be allowed to get up when we want. Society would be so much happier if that happened.

Dora - You've punched walls in your sleep?! Awesome!

It's a shame I can't also program the video and cook dinner while I'm asleep. And work. I'd like to be able to complete my working day while I'm asleep. That'd be the best thing ever.

But I can't, so I'll just have to make do with one-armed press-ups.

Tara said...

Great post, Tim, I'm reading this and laughing in my office when I should be working. :)

I have my radio alarm set for 6am and, because I know I'll sleep right through that, I have my cellphone set for the same time. It's set to the tune of Hallelujiah. Sadly, though, after only a few attempts of waking me up, my cellphone tune will turn off. This morning, I don't even remember it going off. I did hear the radio, but not even that is enough to get me out of bed. I was way too comfortable, and the thought of stepping out of the warm covers was horrifying.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Just think, with all these one armed press ups, your upper body will soon match your defined thighs!

Getting out of bed in the morning is a bad bad thing. However, getting a bed out of oneself is even worse.

jt said...

It doesn't get any easier as you get older, either... My trick is to have developed a deep-seated dependency on coffee, so the sooner I get out of bed, the sooner I get coffee in the morning. (I still hate the alarm, though, & I would mistrust anyone who likes it.)

skillz said...

Tara's trick sounds about right. Set the radio to go off and snooze right through it- you'll be 'half awake' at this point. Then get another clock to go off about 15mins later to properly get you out of bed.

There are also those lamps which mimic a sunrise. It's always way easier to get up during the summer than winta.

Tim said...

Tara - I'm glad I'm not the only one who needs two alarms! Maybe I should consider buying another one, so if I do manage to turn two off there's a sneaky third primed and ready.

On a related matter, I think it's criminal to have to get up early; I wonder if I have a case in the European Court of Human Rights...?

Inexplicable Device - Interesting theory! But on the downside, only one arm would be fully defined, while the other one would be all manky and withered, flopping around trying to turn off random alarm clocks...

And I expect getting a bed out of oneself would be rather problematic - especially if it was a four poster!

Julie - I know what you mean - I have to have a cup of Earl Grey first thing in the morning; it's the only time I drink it! In fact I have a very specific beverage schedule - tea first thing, coffee at lunchtime, and tea at three pm at the weekends. That's a bit obsessive compulsive, isn't it?

Skillz - Getting up is getting awfully complicated. I might just have to take endless duvet days.

Hang on - lamps that mimic sunrise?! What the... Are you having me on?! What's wrong with the sun?

Tara said...

Drink a few glasses of water before bed. There's nothing like a full bladder in the morning to start waking you up. A bonus would be if you sleep on your back and have a cat walk over your stomach at that time.

Tim said...

No no no no no no noooooooooooo! Because I'd wake up around 3am needing to pee oooooooh so badly!

Now the cat idea is rather good, and one that would've worked if I'd abducted that kitten today.

Did I say "if I'd abducted that kitten today?"

Hmmm... seems I did. Maybe I'll talk about that one day.

But I didn't abduct the little rascal, so it's back to alarm clocks and Kristen Kreuk* to wake me up in the morning.

*One of those is made up. I'm hoping it's the alarm clock.