Waking to a winter wonderland

We've already ascertained that I'm not the most coherent person first thing in the morning, and today was no different. To be honest, though, I'm especially incoherent and lazy in the winter months, and this extends to not bothering to pull back the curtains first thing in the morning; I figure it's dark when I leave the house, and it's dark when I get back, so I might as well save myself the effort.

That being the case, I'm sure you'll understand how I got the shock of my life this morning when unsuspecting ol' me opened the front door to find that it had snowed during the night. And not just a little snow. A lot of snow. When I lived with Sparky Ma and Pa, mum would wake me to tell me if it had snowed, and my eyes would spring open and I'd press my cherubic little face to the window in utter disbelief. Then I'd run downstairs in my jim-jams all excited. But living alone means this doesn't happen anymore, and thus results in a bit of an early morning double take where I sort of wonder if I'm being set up by a TV show and it's all a big gag. It wasn't.

To be honest, the weather forecasters had hinted it might snow, but they always say that sort of thing and it never comes true. Well, slap my ass with a snowball - they were right.

Amd the Sparky Mobile was covered.

Excuse the poor photography, but it was dark (I photoshopped it to make it look brighter), and cold, and I'm not David Bailey.

Anyway, being in a bit of a rush, I did what any boy does in such instances, meaning I just cleared the windows and lights of snow, and then carved a snow mohawk on the roof. And off to work I drove.

The journey, truth be told, was quite lovely. Everything was delightfully crisp and picture perfect, rather like an awesome Christmas card four weeks too late. I even saw some council workers snowballing each other*, and some kids making a snowman, though truth be told they were making it on a patch of park where I've seen dog's crap so it was probably a combination snow-turd man.

And when I got stuck in traffic I wound down my window and pushed the snow off the top of my wing mirror, an act I regretted when I was cut up by an Autoglass van; if I'd had any snow left I would've made a snowball and lobbed it at him.

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Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover, as Homer Simpson once said. If TV has taught me anything (and, let's face it, we all know it's taught me lots of things), it's that if you 'do good things, then good things will happen to you.'

(Thanks My Name is Earl)

Case in point!

I wander down to Sexy Starbucks today, get in line to buy my grande misto, and some rude woman pushes in in front of me. I thought about saying something along the lines of "oi, wench - you and yer sandwich get to the back of the line," but I was in a good mood, and I was OK with letting a couple of extra seconds slide. I felt bad for the lovely barista, though, when said woman was a bit obnoxious to her, and did that really annoying thing of reaching over the till and tearing off her own receipt.

And it was as she moved off and headed out of the store and I got to the till that I noticed the wench had left her credit card in the machine...

Lovely barista followed my glance and she too noticed the card. She called out, but ding-dong, the wench was gone. Our eyes locked. "Give it here," I said in the same sort of way that Superman bids farewell to Lois when he jumps out the seaplane to go sort Lex Luthor out in Superman Returns. I took the card and, running past the long queue of customers, shot out of the shop. I just know lovely barista clutched her hands to her bosum and fluttered her eyelids.

I stormed down the road (the wench had very long legs and had traveled a surprising distance), and when I was within reach I called out "excuse me!" She turned round.

I briefly considered flinging it Odd-job stylee into her head to teach her a lesson for her rudeness, but instead settled on a Superman-esque quote with a hint of sarcasm: "You'll be needing this."

She gasped, and in a surprising move even thanked me! I gave her a wink and a little salute, before heading back to Starbucks.

And here's where we get back to the 'do good things...' bit. You see, I'd already ordered my coffee, and rather than queue up again or jump in to pay, lovely barista told me to pay later. So I grabbed my misto, sat down, iPodded up, and started writing. Five minutes later there was a tap on my shoulder. It was lovely barista. "Don't worry about paying - this one is free."

"Eh?" I replied.

"Your coffee today - it's free."

"Wha...?" I said.

By now she was probably thinking I was a bit special. Adorable and suave, but special nonetheless. She touched my mug. "This coffee?"

I nodded like a suave, adorable special.

"Is free. Today. As a thank-you for taking that lady her card."

I grinned and replied with a torrent of "thank-yous" and "are you sures?" And she was. It was free!

Do good things and good things will happen to you. Amen to that!





*Which means something entirely different if you're an afficionado of Kevin Smith films. I don't mean that!