You are a slut - AND YOU LOVE IT!

My appreciation of Strictly Come Dancing is increasing by the week, for one particular reason: judge Bruno Tonioli.

If you've not had the pleasure of seeing him in action, trust me - the guy is comedy gold.

Whereas all the other judges are somewhat staid in their comments regarding the dancings ("nice footwork," "you missed a step," etc), Bruno brings some fire to proceedings. And it's particularly funny because he sounds like Ricardo Montalban, which is just ace.

In recent weeks we've seen him almost slap another judge in the face with a sweeping arm gesture as he shouted "you were spinning LIKE a beautiful princess!" along with my particular favourite, which was directed at goody-two-shoes TV presenter Carol Smilie, and spat out with such overpowering vengeance: "You are a slut - AND YOU LOVE IT!"

I can't help but tune in every Saturday now, and for some reason, anything I say during the show and in the hours that follow, must be said in a Bruno Tonioli-stylee.

What am I going to do when the series finishes? You sluts.



(In contrast - Tess Daly. She sounds funny when she says "judges" and "couples." But on the plus side her boobs are bigger this series)

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I was buying some bagels at lunchtime and the woman in front of me in the queue paid by cheque (or check, depending on where you live in the world). Does anyone pay by cheque in shops anymore? I'd say she was some kind of evolutionary throwback, but she was actually about my age.

Most galling, however, was the fact that her bill came to about £8.40. And I could see a wad of tenners in her purse! I almost paid for her just to hurry the queue up, but that's a little bit too Pay it Forward for me, and I ain't Haley Joel Osment.

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I'm a winner! Yes, after weeks of trying, I finally came up with a pun headline worthy of Shaun Keaveny's What's the Story radio pun game.

The basic idea is that Shaun nominates a person, then we (the listener) have to come up with a fake story and a pun headline about them.

Today was Lionel Richie.

My two suggestions, based on the titles of Lionel Richie hits, were:

The story: After seducing former U.S. secretary of state Madeline Albright, Lionel Richie is shocked to discover that she's actually a man!
The headline: Albright schlong.

The story: Sympathising with his pet dog when he takes him to the vet to be 'snipped,' Lionel Richie agrees to undergo the same procedure.
The headline: Spay you, spay me.

And for my trouble I've won two tickets to an Xfm session at the Islington Academy next week. The Maccabees are playing, and I think I like them... Hurrah!