Thursday, December 14, 2006

Thoughts for the day

How do you know if a cat is lost?

I was walking back from lunch today with Yaz after a pleasant coffee (pleasant except for the moment when she said "f**k Christmas"; I think the festive stress has got to her), when I noticed a rudimentary poster stuck to a tree.

TORTOISE SHELL FOUND!

I was briefly struck by a vision of a naked tortoise with its little front paw-clawy things held tentatively over its little tortoisey groin, but then I realised that the poster wrapped around the tree a bit, and the obscured part had 'CAT' written on it.

That got me thinking. How do you really know if a cat is lost? I mean, a lot of cats wander past my house, but I don't automatically nab the poor thing off the streets and print out a load of flyers.

So what are the signs of a lost cat? You'd probably automatically say something like it has a pensive look on its face, but cats are pretty emotionally void unless you know them really well. Maybe a lost cat looks around a bit more, like it can't quite believe where the hell it is? Or it's looking furiously at a tube map, turning it this way and that like a tourist? Tube maps can be a bugger unless you know where you're going.

Or maybe I should just call the number and ask the person on the other end how they worked out that the tortoise shell cat was lost?

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Popped to Kingston this evening just to get a few bit 'n bobs, and I sorta felt like I was in a bit of mischievous mood.

How did I know this? I saw a young emo couple; she was stripe-tastic, he was wearing eye shadow.

I almost - almost - said to her "Aaaw, look - your boyfriend's wearing eye shadow. Doesn't he look special!"

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Word up grandma!

I saw an old woman today who kept saying "mega!" and "wicked!" She bought three Guitar Hero IIs for her grandkids' Christmas presents. But she's not sure if they have PlayStations, so she bought three of those as well.

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Anyone seen the new PC World ad? Y'know, the one where the clueless woman walks into PC World and says something along the lines of "I'm looking to buy a new laptop" and then the helpful PC World man runs her through the spec of a laptop, and then she says "but money's a bit tight!" and he says "But it's only two-nine-nine!" and she lets out a little orgasmic squeak and picks one up?

First of all - what sort of dumbass actually buys a computer in PC World?

Second - who the hell stands there and nods sagely like they actually understand what a celeron pro 1.21 gigawatts chip actually is?

And thirdly - since when has anyone in PC World actually known what they're talking about? The last time I went in there to ask for something for a Mac, three assistants either ignored me or ran off, while the fourth said "maybe you should try an Apple dealer?"

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I went to my resident's association Annual General Meeting last night. It was an interesting experience, and one I'm glad will only be repeated annually. It was kinda boring; we discussed parking, drains, the annual resident's fee, and how we're not going to give the bin men a Christmas gift this year.

The lady who hosted it tried to give me a packet of crisps as I left.

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Eight. Working. Hours. Left.

I encountered another problem today, which makes about three in total since my last post. Fortunately, I seem to be maneuvering around them in a very skillful, zen-like way Ninja way.

I've also grown a full on beard. Not a pervert beard, but a stylish beard. I'm quite liking it, and I've resolved only to shave it off when I've finished work. This time tomorrow I should be all smooth and looking like a 12 year old again. I might post before and after pictures.

Keep your fingers crossed that I can survive the remaining eight working hours.

If we were all in the same room I'd be asking you to hold hands with me right about now.

8 comments:

Dinah said...

Is it like a play-off beard?

Tim said...

A play-off beard? Whadya mean?

It's real - honest!

Dinah said...

In hockey, whenever you get into the playoffs, the players stop shaving, so by the time they get to the final game everyone has basically a full beard. Sometimes fans do it, too. It's a luck ritual, I guess.

Tim said...

Ah, I see! Yeah, that's exactly what I've done!!

Excuse my ignorance, but how long are the playoffs? Don't they end up looking like a bunch of neanderthals on ice?

Tara said...

Usually if a cat is lost, they'll be holding a compass. They're too proud to ask for directions, though. And forget about them asking a dog for directions. That's just crazy talk.

I'll admit that I've played "hide-n-seek" with my cat several times. I'll hide behind a door and then look through to see where she is, and I see her stand in the middle of the room and look around frantically, and then she'll let out a sad meow. Course that's when she's looking for me, not when she's lost. Oh, but when we first moved to my apartment, she snuck around the perimeters of the rooms, with her stomach close to the ground. That was a long comment.

Tim said...

Quite right, Tara; Cats are wise little buggers, whereas dogs just stand there looking around in a somewhat confused manner with their tongues hanging out even when they do know where they are.

It sounds like your cat was on some kind of military maneuvers when you moved to your apartment. Which goes to prove that the movie Cats and Dogs WAS a documentary, as I thought...

Cats rock. As do long comments - they give me something to do.

skillz said...

I hate those PC World ads. There was one that said "this computer can do two things at the same time".

WTF??

Tim said...

Would those two things be:

1. Delete all your files.
2. Crash.

That's PC World for you folks!