Sunday, December 10, 2006

Tree'd off

I'd always thought that buying a Christmas tree would be a relatively easy proposition. It seems I was wrong.

I've been looking for weeks for a decent artificial Christmas tree (I don't like cleaning at the best of times, let alone having to sweep up after a disgruntled tree that keeps flicking bits all over the floor), with a four ft. one being the the ideal height. Sparky Towers is, you see, not the biggest abode on the face of the Earth; small but perfectly formed, I like to say. That being the case, I don't particularly want to over-egg the pudding with some seven ft. monstrosity that'll loom over the living room in an omnious fashion unbecoming of a symbol intended to celebrate the festive period.

So today I've been to three different places to try and track down the perfect tree: Tesco, and two different branches of Homebase.

Tesco was a complete waste of time. They only had six and seven ft. trees. Seriously, I wouldn't even be able to get one of them in my car. They were ma-hoo-sive. And as soon as some middle-aged woman started crying by the crackers because someone was blocking her trolley in I knew I had to get out of there.

Homebase proved to be a little more helpful in the fact that they had an easy to read guide to the trees they have available. Unhelpfully, they'd sold out of what would clearly be the perfect tree for me. The nearest equivilent was a four ft. fibre optic tree (ooooo sparkly!), but there's something in me that prefers a traditionally lit tree. It was also about 40 quid more than the sold-out tree I really would've wanted.

On to Homebase branch numero deux! This branch proves a little more helpful in the fact that they had one non-fibre optic traditional tree of suitable height. On the downside it was inexplicably priced at £30 (!), and the branches were covered in what the box described as "traditional frosting," and what I'd describe as "some weird white shit."

I'm also troubled by tree decorations themselves; fashion appears to be dictating that black and white are 'this season's colours.' Now, far be it for me as a fashion guru to argue, but black and white don't seem very festive. Where's the reds, the blues, the golds!? I want multi-colours, not monochromatic monotony!

So, somewhat disgruntled, I decided that Homebase can shove their tree - I'll make do with some festive detailing. And by that I mean lots of tinsel.

As I walked out of the store, I noticed that they were selling tiny baby real Christmas trees in pots. I almost succumbed. But then I figured it'd eventually grow up, get all rebelious, and start shedding on my floor and then I'm back to square one.

Also, they all looked kind of like the weedy tree from A Charlie Brown Christmas.


Miss T said...

Good luck on finding the perfect tree! Although I can't figure out why black and white decorations are supposed to be festive...

Good to hear the XBox was everything you thought it would be!

skillz said...

Instead of an xmas tree, why not put up one of those Blue Peter jobbies made of two wire coathangers, tinsel and fairy lights?

Tim said...

Miss T - Aaaah, I think I'm going to ditch the tree idea. I've got some tinsel. I've got some lights. And I've got a rather awesome 30 cm red perspex tree-shaped, um, tree!

And the Xbox is AWESOME. I was just punting a Ferrari Enzo round Piccadilly!

Skillz - an Advent Crown!? Um, are you trying to kill me? Those things are a death trap!! Tinsel and candles are not a good combination!

Also, hasn't advent already started? That said, I hope they're still maintaining that tradition on Blue Peter. I don't need one myself as long as they're doing it for me on telly.

Dinah said...

Aww, I'm sad for you not having a tree. We always have a real one at home, we used to cut it down from the side of the road, but now we buy one from the grocery store. But I have no doubt your place will look super festive.

Tim said...

I'm a little sad too, Dinah, but I think if I over-do everything else no one will notice the lack of a tree.

Think 'Griswold.'

Hang on - you used to cut a tree down from the side of the road!? Is that even legal?! If I tried that I'd probably get an ASBO! That and the fact that all the trees near my house are, like, oaks, and I think I'd need a serious chainsaw...

Dinah said...

Hee. The best part about that story is that not only is it 100% true, I had no idea how weird it was until I started telling people this weekend.

Yes, we did cut down Christmas trees from the side of the road. It probably wasn't the legalest thing to do, but we generally tried to stay into what could arguably called the road allowance, plus we did it in zero-populated areas. I'm very, very rural.

Tim said...

Whoa! You're a Christmas tree rustler!! That's pretty cool... Although I do think I should give you an ASBO.

You've officially been ASBO'd!!

Dinah said...

I knew I should have asked what ASBO meant, especially because I'm reading it as assbow.

Tim said...

Ha ha ha!!!

Here's everything you need to know about ASBOs:

All the kids have them these days!!