Wednesday, December 06, 2006

From bad to worse

Just before I head out the door in the morning I have what I refer to as the'pat-down.' No, there is nothing deviant about that - rather it's my last minute check that I have all my necessary bits. There are five parts to the 'pat-down,' which are, in no particular order:
1. Car keys
2. Wallet
3. House keys
4. Phone
5. iPod

This morning I was alarmed to discover that component 5, my barely one month old iPod Nano, was missing. Did I leave it in the car yesterday? No.

Uh-oh. Don't say I...

Yesterday I was wearing a red hoody with a single central pocket. A uni-pocket, or marsupial pouch, if you will. And I had left my iPod in that pocket.

And I'd put the hoody IN. THE. WASHING. MACHINE.

Numerous thoughts raced through my 126 IQ-rated brain, the first being that I knew I'd put some washing on last night, but the machine was rather full. Had there been room for the hoody?

Find out next week on SPARKY MALARKEY!



Like I'd do that to you guys! Ha ha.


OK, I'll stop dragging this out. No, fortunately there was not room in last night's load. I had, however, popped the hoody in afterwards. Fortunately, there was my iPod, safely ensconced within the confines of the marsupial pouch, and otherwise unscathed by its ordeal.

Unfortunately, I must've nudged it on at some point, and it'd played out its entire library of tunes over the course of the night from within the washing machine, emptying the battery completely.

It could've been worse though, dear reader, IT. COULD. HAVE. BEEN. WORSE.


The iPod-related incident was one of those things that makes you wonder if it's going to be:
a) The worst incident of the day - things can only get better!
b) The prelude to something far worse.

Unfortunately for me, today it was the latter.

To cut a long story short, an encounter with my Nemesis left me feeling incredibly angry today. He had the nerve to call me a four-letter word. One beginning with 'L' and ending in 'azy.'

Three words immediately spring to mind: 'Pot,' 'kettle,' and 'black.'

To be honest, he could've called me a multitude of other things, maybe even 'complete looney,' and I would've taken it in my stride. But the 'L' word... well, my blood was boiling.

It's the sort of thing that makes you think you should've added a punch-bag to your Christmas list.



Let's end on a more positive note, hmmm...?

More Christmas tree related malarkey!

It's Sulu in the Christmas tree! Hello Mr. Sulu!!

Look - he's waving ba- Hang on, why's he making that gesture with his hand?

*Gasp!* Phasers on stun! A little bit of inter-series canoodling going on under the tree between Mr. Spock and Captain Janeway!!

Um... So, that's not... ah, a Vulcan nerve pinch, is it? TURN THE CAMERA OFF!!


Miss T said...

There's nothing better than making plastic figurines do rude things!

Set your phases on 'annihilate nemesis'! This calls for some:

a) calm buddhist 'what can my enemy teach me'


b) career sabotage (his, of course)

Both are equally valid for a person of your IQ!

Miss T said...

And the Cher in me says:


Tim said...

Plastic dolls in rudey poses are great! And he's got his tricorder. Scanning for STDs!

I'm going for the calm buddhist approach. Not that he can teach me anything, though. I'm just not going to get worked up about it because he's not worth it.

I am zen.

I am calm.

I am at one with my surroundings.



Damn. Gotta start all over again now.

Miss T said...

It's not so much what a spacker like him can teach you, it's what you can teach yourself when around a nemesis. Like patience with vexatious people.

Sorry, I am getting all guru on your arse. But I have a nemesis too, and when dealing with this person, I take the approach 'you are just a person. You are just doing what you think is best. You might be a psycho, but like all people, all you want is to be happy. I can learn patience in dealing with you.'

Just ask Dora though, I often lose it and want to punch some faces.

It doesn't help that my nemesis reads my blog and probably all my links too so I can't bitch about it. Anywhere.

Also, I find voodoo helps too!

skillz said...

Do you ever shake his hand? If so, give him a knobhead handshake (stick your hand out, but fall short and end up grabbing his fingers and then shake them about). He'll feel demeaned.

It'll probably make you look like a knobhead though, so it only worth it if you feel like going kamikaze on his ass.

Tim said...

Miss T - you are a sage and wise woman - I had not considered it from that point of view. I never thought that he is, actually, helping me be a better person.

And kudos for using the word vexatious. I've not heard that since I read Jane Austen's Emma for A-Level English lit, and it's made me realise what an underused and awesome word it is.

A most vexatious situation indeed, I fear!

Skillz - Hell no, I'm not touching him! Although I do like the concept of the the knobhead handshake (though I was questioning how it was performed before you described it. I worried it might be, um, extremely graphic).

Maybe I could hire a homeless person to carry it out for me!

Dinah said...

I got really upset when I thought that your iPod was in the wash. I was on the edge of my chair!

Also: great pictures.

Tim said...

I was really upset when I though my iPod was in the wash too! I genuinely couldn't remember if I'd actually washed the hoody until I checked the machine!


Miss T said...

'twould be vexatious indeed to have washed one's iPod! Vexatious is a cool word, isn't it? I hadn't thought about it before, but I use it with the children a lot. I like to think I am building their 17th-18th century vocabulary. Just in case they ever get caught in a time flux.

well, I wouldn't say I am wise or sage. It's a POV I hadn't considered until reading "The Art of Happiness" by the Dalai Lama. Good, sound advice in that book. Nothing too esoteric, just a whole lot on having compassion for youtself and others. He is a man who lost his whole nation and still thinks of his situation as one he can learn from. I just find it helps to put knobends into perspective.

I find it helps, here in the futuuuuuure!

I am all wired from the concert. It. Was. Ace.

Tim said...

Miss T - That is an amazing point. Bless you and the Dalai Lama. But mainly you, because the Dalai Lama didn't come here to post a comment.

Dinah said...

Well, not anymore. Not after the...unpleasantness.

Tim said...


Tara said...

Nothing else starts off the Christmas season better than two Star Trek characters making out by the Christmas tree. Hehe.

I work at a school, and there's usually one student who makes it their own goal to pester the living daylights out of me. I've helped her up through and past her graduation, and when one day I didn't do something for her, she called me the L + azy word. GRRR.

I'm glad you found your I-Pod!

Tim said...

Too damn right! Those Trek dolls are all sexual deviants!!

It seems like everyone has a nemesis of sorts. It's sad that these people exist. Ironically they're usually the l*zy ones too... Either that or annoying halfwits!

I'm glad I found my iPod too! Someone should do a public service announcement:

Don't wash your iPods kids!