Tuesday, June 27, 2006

To be fayre, this does look awesome

You might recall a few days back I mentioned that I was tempted by the delights of my local village fayre (geez! It really does make it sound like I live in the middle of nowhere!). Well today those wily organisers have whetted my appetite once again with this - their mighty flyer promising fun-filled fayre delights for all!

Now, there's nothing like the words 'fayre' and 'free' to reel me in, but look, they've really pushed the boat out and used a clipart cowboy and clipart cartoon dog. I don't know about you, but I'm clearing my diary as I, er, type. I must confess to being a little confused by the direction 'village green opposite the goat' though ... is it really wise to use an animal as a landmark?

Anyway, it seems the two major draws are the Wyoming Raiders (hence the clipart cowboy), and a dog show (hence the clipart cartoon dog). The Wyoming Raiders are going to "bring the Wild West to Halliford." Maybe we'll have a hanging in the square, and some flousies will be offering their wares from out of a top window? Should I buy a cowboy hat and some boots?

The dog show I'm slightly less enthusiastic about; as I've noted before I'm not a big fan of man's best friend. Usually because man's best friend tends to think I'm their best friend, and that best friends like to hump the other best friend's leg. Which is not the case. At least not on the first date, anyway. However! Yes, there is a however, my eye is drawn to the listings on page 5 (yes, there are pages - two staples as well!) which note that there will be a 'Prettiest BITCH' class (I'm saying NOTHING), and a 'Best Biscuit Catcher'; just you wait till someone hoofs a chocolate hobnob - I'll have that category licked for sure.

There's also the promise of ice creams, although I'm hoping it won't be the ice cream van I just followed down the road. It had two things written on the back: 'Once licked never forgotten,' which just sounded incredibly dirty, and 'Stop slow children,' which is quite a profound indictment on the state of this countries' education system for a 10 year-old pink and yellow confectionary-dispensing Ford Transit.


Miss T said...

All I am saying is: there better be a Wickerman there.

M said...

"Usually because man's best friend tends to think I'm their best friend, and that best friends like to hump the other best friend's leg."

It's bad enough that you sniff the arses of passing dogs in the street, without humping their legs as well!

Can't you leave them alone?!?

The Wyoming Raiders bring the Wild West to Halliford
Didn't The Village People retire to Halliford?
This could really turn out to be a f├ęte worse than death...

Tim said...

Miss Haversham - That would be great - and if it was Nic Cage (as in the Wickerman remake) I'd totally be lighting the first match!

M - Sniff dog's arses?! What on God's green Earth are you on about?! Just because you do it doesn't mean everyone else does. In fact, I think this is a cry for help - would you like me to Google some therapy classes for you?

Miss T said...

Tim I agree with you: WHY OH WHY was it neccessary to remake a classic with Nicolas "I haven't done anything cool since Moonstruck" Cage!

Freakin' Hollywood.

Tim said...

I know! I really don't like Nic Cage anyway - I don't know exactly why, but there's definitely something supremely punchable about him.

It's lucky I don't move in the same social circles as him, or they'd be serious trouble, let me tell you.