Monday, June 12, 2006

If I could talk to the animals...

... I'd tell them to bloody well get out of the office - it's not Mrs Tiggywinkle's bloody animal sanctuary, despite any claims to the contrary I'm NOT Dr.-sodding-Dolittle, and there's loads of friggin' work to do.

After last week's tortoise invasion, today we had a bird in the office. And I actually mean a bird with wings, not a ditzy blonde tottering around in high heels looking for her latest Babycham hit.

Look:


There it is after it tried to hide behind the CD units. Stupid tit. Well, actually it was a sparrow, but, y'know...

Anyway, IT man Dave decided to risk life and limb by wrestling the beast. Like he's been know to do with many birds in his lifetime, he grabbed this one by the neck and gamely held on till it stopped screaming.


The question is this, though: how does this exciting tale of Man Vs Beast conclude? Only one of the following truly happened...

a) Dave crushed the bird in his mighty paw, and smeared it's broken, bloody corpse on his face in a warning to all other winged beings to stay away.

b) He pitched it out the door like a bowler in a test match.

c) He was a tad peckish, and in lieu of any Jaffa Cakes, popped the bird in his mouth. Sparrows, it seems, do not share Jaffa Cakes' "smashing orangey bit," and are, in fact, a little "feathery."

You decide!

12 comments:

Miss T said...

OOOh ooh! Pick me, pick me!

Is the answer A?

You are lucky to have pretty little birdies in your office. All we have a feral cats that live in the storm water drains. There's a little colony of them.

They are mean.

Good luck with the run!

Tim said...

Correct - he smeared the bloody corpse on his face! You win the speedboat!!!

Feral cats sound cool - trade?! We were just worried the bird would start panicking and crap everywhere...

(And thanks - I might need all the luck I can get for the run!)

m said...

Swop sweet little birdies for rabbid Feral Cats?

In our office?

I have a mate with a shotgun that I could borrow which would sort them out...

Tim said...

They'll be no cat murdering in the office while I'm there!

Miss T said...

You can't kill the cats. Feral or not, kill one, and 10 more pop up in their place.

M: the cat are really sort of cute in a malnourished, been treated badly by humans sort of way....

Tim said...

Are they like Aliens? Do they bleed acid?!

M said...

Not acid, the most toxic, venomus poison known to man!

It seeps through my skin and gets into my eyes, making me look like one of the zombies from the film 28 Days Later.

Getting mild heyfever over the summer is a breeze compared to having a cat in the same room...

Tim said...

Cats are your Kryptonite... interesting!

MUWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Miss T said...

Ohhhh. See, cat are my anti kryptonite. I just pick one up, bury my face in all that fur and have a big whiff, and all of a sudden I am invincible.

Tim said...

Cats are cool... I want one, but I figure it's a day-to-day trial to see if I can look after myself let alone another creature.

That said, pop a couple of those feral ones in a jiffy bag – I'll give it a whirl!

Miss T said...

They're pretty feisty, but maybe it would be an incentive to run faster at your running thingy?

You do realise they seriously live in a drain? I wasn't kidding about that. They sort of are a bit whiffy.

Tim said...

Maybe they just need to be loved. And hugged. And probably washed. A lot...!