Sunday, June 03, 2007

Jungle Tim

Well, 'jungle' might be stretching it a bit far, but whatever way you look at it, I'm now the proud owner of two plants!

Mmmm… greenery.

The detailing section of the bathroom restoration project is now in full swing, y'see. Yesterday I bought an awesome mirror for 13 quid (!), but I haven't put it up yet. Mainly because I need Sparky Pa and his drill, neither of which have been round to chip in yet, but they've both assured me they will in the next week or so, which is awesome because I'm currently relying on one of the small mirrored doors that I ripped off the heinous bathroom cabinet. I've propped it up behind the taps, and have to keep bending down when I brush my teeth or want to pop a spot, or just stare at myself. Um, oh, and I had to shave kneeling down yesterday, which was really painful because I had a full-on beard, and it took ages to get rid of.

Aaaaaaaanyway, I also popped out yesterday to get a rather cool little bathroom shelving system/unit from argos. It was only 15 quid (another bargain - seriously, I'm thinking about going into the bargain renovation and decoration business…), and it allows me to display my manly toiletries like they're something to be proud of. Like painting, there's something quite satisfying about putting together flatpacked furniture. It took me all of about 10 minutes to slap together, which surprised the tits off me because I was rubbish at following Lego instructions as a kid.

Carrying on my completely surprising burst of enthusiasm for actually making my bathroom look halfway decent, I popped out this morning to look at some plants (a line I never thought I'd hear myself say). Inexplicable Device recommended a Birds Nest Fern, but I couldn't find one of those anywhere; dude, seriously, did you make that up?! Anyway, I kept looking around and I eventually thought I'd found something decent. But it was 10 quid, and that seemed an awful lot of money for a small plant. Then I looked closer and, much like Senator Vreenak in the Star Trek: Deep Space Nine episode 'In the Pale Moonlight,' I realised it was a faaaaaake!

Seriously, if I'm paying 10 quid for a plant I at least want the option of being able to kill it.

So I kept looking, and eventually found a dracea… drac… this:

That's it in situ, atop my new shelving system. The instructions assure me it doesn't like direct sunlight, does like warm rooms, and likes to be kept moist (heh heh). All of which means it'll probably be dead within the month. Not to worry though - it was only £3.99! Although I did splash out and buy it the sexy white pot it's sitting in.

Having decided to buy one plant, though, I thought I'd have a look at some others. I was instantly drawn to the bonsai trees, because I've always thought bonsai trees look pretty cool, and they had them at the bargain price of £7.99. I talked myself out of buying one though, because I know they need a lot of care (they're like the special kid of the plant world or something), and I'd no doubt get bored of it, then - BANG - I'd get home one day to find a huge oak tree bursting out the roof of my house.

Undeterred, I continued to look. I was very tempted by a venus fly trap for four quid, but I'd worry that I'd wake up one night to find it dragging itself toward me, it's little mouth snapping malevolently while I backed into a corner screaming. Eventually, I did find something else.

Yes, I bought a tiny cactus in a colourful pot. I've always liked little cacti (ooo, 'ark at me using the plural rather than just writing cactuseseseseseses); in fact, Sparky Ma bought me one when I was about 10 because she dragged me to a garden centre and I kept going on about how awesome they were. Unfortunately that one died, but I'm living in confidence that this one might survive. Hell, maybe even thrive, mainly because it has a little colourful pot with other cacti painted on it. It makes me think I'm in the Arizona desert or something. Maybe Mexico?

Either way, the little bugger's already pricked me twice, so while it might thrive, it might also go flying through an open window if it gets any ideas beyond sitting on my desk looking pretty.

23 comments:

Dinah said...

Argh! Every time you link to that site I end up spending way too much time clicking around on the links.

Cute plants, though. Or manly? Manly plants.

Tim said...

Manly, Dinah, manly! One of them looks like hand-drawn green flames, and the other one's covered in spikes. Which may, or may not, be poisonous…

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Ah, Dracaena fragrans 'Massangeana' by the look of it, although it could be one of any number of hybrids. Good choice.
Although, I can't believe you couldn't find an Asplenium nidus...

Tim said...

Um, yes, that sounds about right. How do you know all this funny words? Sounds like you've read the Harry Potter novels one too many times…

As for not being able to find the … um, other one, well, it was Homebase!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Well, as well as witchery, I sometimes dabble in botany.

Not the Botany Bay, though. I'm sick to death of things crawling around in my head (can you tell I've just come from Dinah's?).

Tim said...

Have you got a Ceti eel!? Ooo - I think you can probably get a cream to clear that up!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Oh, good. I didn't want to use a phaser - I'm not a very good shot, and would probably disintegrate half my head!

I don't suppose anti-Ceti-eel cream happens to be one of your Manly Toiletries, does it?

Dinah said...

Yay! I know what you're talking about!

Tim said...

Inexplicable Device - You should make sure to set your phaser to stunning! As for anti-ceti eel cream, well, if by 'anti-ceti eel cream' you mean ibuprofen gel, then yes!

Dinah - What if we moved on to Star Trek III references…?

Dinah said...

I would laugh and nod along, all the while sadly wondering what everyone was talking about...unless they show it on moviepix next weekend.

MJ said...

"the little bugger's already pricked me twice"...

...a line you often hear in reference to IVD.

"it might also go flying through an open window if it gets any ideas beyond sitting on my desk looking pretty."...

Ditto.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Ah, ha. Ha. Ha.

* leaves insulting caption at MJ's *

Tim said...

Dinah - You HAVE to watch it. I mean, as far as you're concerned Spock's dead!

MJ - Are you saying IDV's a short fat small prickly plant? Hmmm…!

Inexplicable Device - She knows you too well!

MJ said...

No, I'm saying IDV has a short fat small prickly prick. It's warty too.

Get yourself over to my blog (June 4 posting) to see what your little friend has been up to. He doesn't deserve it after that final insulting caption he snuck in late last night.

The bitch.

Tara said...

While reading the beginning of your blog post, I thought, "He should've bought a venus flytrap!" Now I understand why you'd think twice about that. Watch out for the cactus, too. Urban legend has it that spiders and scorpions like laying eggs in those and when the eggs start hatching, the plant will start pulsating and it'll explode. Be careful.

The other plant looks so nice against your new white bathroom walls and on your shelving system! Good job! You should get your own drill. They're fun to play with, and you suddenly feel like you can fix anything with them.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

* hefts drill and suddenly feels like MJ's brain might be fixable *

Tim said...

MJ - Nothing IDV's written would surprise me over at your blog - I was reading some of his earlier comments yesterday. There's a disturbed mind at play there…

Tara - Spiders and scorpions?!

*puts a glass over the cactus…*

If I bought a drill I'd totally be drilling every wall in site for no reason. When I got my first stapler as a kid I stapled random pieces of paper together, then threw a strop when I ran out of staples. This would be exactly the same, except afterward I'd have lots of holes to fill, and the possibility that I'd compromised the structural integrity of my house.

Inexplicable Device - Sorry, I'm laughing so hard at the thought of you hefting a drill.

*snigger!*

skillz said...

The cactus looks pretty cool. Next time you have a party you should stick pineapple and cheese on the spines.

Dinah said...

Does "drill" mean penis in Britland? If not, it should.

missy&chrissy said...

tim, you are like our long-lost twin!

we too had a dracaenea...his name was dracul. unfortunately he passed away last year after a heatwave, but we bought a similar replacement, named dractwol. dractwol is thankfully thriving at the moment.

we congratulate you on such an excellent botanical purchase!

Tim said...

Skillz - Dude, you're back! That's a nice idea for a party, although I'm thinking I might dress it up in a sombrero and a poncho, like a stereotypical Mexican from a spaghetti western.

Dinah - Um, not that I'm aware of. But it *so* does now!!!!! Muwahahahahahaha!

Missy&Chrissy - Wahay! They are cool, aren't they? Sorry to hear about Dracul, but I'm glad that Dractwol is thriving. Mine is currently unnamed; well, unless you regard Plant 01 as a name.

Like towns and cities, I'm going to put a sign up saying 'TIM: Twinned with Missy&Chrissy, NYC'!!!

iPandah said...

I'm loving the pot!! I want the pot the most!!! Where's the pot from where oh where oh where?!!!

Ooh, calms down and has a drink.

Tim said...

What - the little orange pot? It came with the cactus!!