Jungle Tim

Well, 'jungle' might be stretching it a bit far, but whatever way you look at it, I'm now the proud owner of two plants!

Mmmm… greenery.

The detailing section of the bathroom restoration project is now in full swing, y'see. Yesterday I bought an awesome mirror for 13 quid (!), but I haven't put it up yet. Mainly because I need Sparky Pa and his drill, neither of which have been round to chip in yet, but they've both assured me they will in the next week or so, which is awesome because I'm currently relying on one of the small mirrored doors that I ripped off the heinous bathroom cabinet. I've propped it up behind the taps, and have to keep bending down when I brush my teeth or want to pop a spot, or just stare at myself. Um, oh, and I had to shave kneeling down yesterday, which was really painful because I had a full-on beard, and it took ages to get rid of.

Aaaaaaaanyway, I also popped out yesterday to get a rather cool little bathroom shelving system/unit from argos. It was only 15 quid (another bargain - seriously, I'm thinking about going into the bargain renovation and decoration business…), and it allows me to display my manly toiletries like they're something to be proud of. Like painting, there's something quite satisfying about putting together flatpacked furniture. It took me all of about 10 minutes to slap together, which surprised the tits off me because I was rubbish at following Lego instructions as a kid.

Carrying on my completely surprising burst of enthusiasm for actually making my bathroom look halfway decent, I popped out this morning to look at some plants (a line I never thought I'd hear myself say). Inexplicable Device recommended a Birds Nest Fern, but I couldn't find one of those anywhere; dude, seriously, did you make that up?! Anyway, I kept looking around and I eventually thought I'd found something decent. But it was 10 quid, and that seemed an awful lot of money for a small plant. Then I looked closer and, much like Senator Vreenak in the Star Trek: Deep Space Nine episode 'In the Pale Moonlight,' I realised it was a faaaaaake!

Seriously, if I'm paying 10 quid for a plant I at least want the option of being able to kill it.

So I kept looking, and eventually found a dracea… drac… this:

That's it in situ, atop my new shelving system. The instructions assure me it doesn't like direct sunlight, does like warm rooms, and likes to be kept moist (heh heh). All of which means it'll probably be dead within the month. Not to worry though - it was only £3.99! Although I did splash out and buy it the sexy white pot it's sitting in.

Having decided to buy one plant, though, I thought I'd have a look at some others. I was instantly drawn to the bonsai trees, because I've always thought bonsai trees look pretty cool, and they had them at the bargain price of £7.99. I talked myself out of buying one though, because I know they need a lot of care (they're like the special kid of the plant world or something), and I'd no doubt get bored of it, then - BANG - I'd get home one day to find a huge oak tree bursting out the roof of my house.

Undeterred, I continued to look. I was very tempted by a venus fly trap for four quid, but I'd worry that I'd wake up one night to find it dragging itself toward me, it's little mouth snapping malevolently while I backed into a corner screaming. Eventually, I did find something else.

Yes, I bought a tiny cactus in a colourful pot. I've always liked little cacti (ooo, 'ark at me using the plural rather than just writing cactuseseseseseses); in fact, Sparky Ma bought me one when I was about 10 because she dragged me to a garden centre and I kept going on about how awesome they were. Unfortunately that one died, but I'm living in confidence that this one might survive. Hell, maybe even thrive, mainly because it has a little colourful pot with other cacti painted on it. It makes me think I'm in the Arizona desert or something. Maybe Mexico?

Either way, the little bugger's already pricked me twice, so while it might thrive, it might also go flying through an open window if it gets any ideas beyond sitting on my desk looking pretty.