Monday, June 11, 2007

The young and the restless

About a year or so ago you might remember that I was offered a kitten called Smudge. Ultimately, I turned down the offer of Smudge. Today I got an email from my mate Jo.

"I got a kitten this weekend!" She said.

"Ooo!" I said. "Can I come round and play with it?"

Since Steve/Kitty's abduction I've been sorely lacking in cat-based fun.

Fortunately Jo said "yes." To be honest, though, I would've rocked up even if she'd said "no."

Anyway, the kitten is called Barney, and he's a delightful litte eight-week old bundle of kitteness, with black 'n white fur, blue eyes, and huge pink ears. And he's currently doing that insane thing that kittens do where everything makes them giddy with excitement; he attacked a door while I was there.

Mindful of Dora's current liteny of kitteny problems, I did ask Jo if she's was going to have Barney's balls lopped off, but she said she was undecided on the matter at the present time.

Also visiting Jo was another friend, Clare. Now, Clare had a baby about 18 months back, and I'd not met him yet. To be honest, I was torn between playing with the kitten, and playing with Clare's son. He's at that age where he giggles a lot and is doing that thing were he gets up to walk, and then can't quite slow the momentum he's built up unless he bashes into something. It must be said that I lost some points by telling Clare that her son looked like a monkey - not, you must understand, because he's particularly chimp-like to look at, but because he's also doing that thing where he rolls around in a monkey-like fashion, and swings his legs up in order to get onto the sofa. There are probably very few people on the planet who like their child to be compared to a monkey, though, and Clare, bless 'er, took it very well. Admittedly the little fella was a little apprehensive of me at first, mainly because there I was standing in front of him saying "hello little dude, what's going on!?" and he didn't have a clue who I was. After about half an hour, though, we were getting on like a house on fire; he even gave me his mum's car keys.

As delightful an evening as this was, the only problem with it all is that now I'm back to wanting a kitten, and I'm feeling broody. Damn, the last time I felt like this (broody, not wanting a kitten) was when I was about 18. I just thought I'd make a cracking dad. No doubt that feeling would pass the moment I was confronted with a radioactive nappy. At least with other people's kids you can give them back when they poop or start crying, or become teenagers.

Anyway, if I do find this feeling lasts, I might have to start something like The Apprentice in order to find the unknown mother of my potential future child. Ladies - take a ticket an' get in line!



T-Bird said...

Radioactive nappies. Ewwwwww!

Apparantly all the people I know with sprogs say that when it's your baby's poo it's not quite as gross... I so don't believe them.

Dude, I would pay money to watch that TV show where you get to vote for the womb of your choice. You could give the winning contestants a little plastic sperm shape instead of a rose to show them they have gotten through to the next round.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

You should totally do a Captain Kirk and have it away with a Caitian, then you can kill two birds with one stone!

P.S. Sorry about that last comment on the previous post. I think too much wine went down at once...

skillz said...

I'm thinking about a business where I buy a bunch of orphans and rent them out for the weekend. I think you're my target demographic Timbo.

Tara said...

I love when cats go ballistic out of the blue. My cat still does that, and she's about 8 years old. She'll tear through the livingroom, scramble up the chair and howl at the ceiling. Then if I go towards her, she leaps off the chair and scurries to her next destination.

Dinah said...

That's brilliant, Skillz. There's so a niche for that.

Based on the fact that i really know nothing about you other than what I read on the internets, I think you'd be a great dad!

Tim said...

T-Bird - As far as I'm concerned, poo is poo, and poo is bad! I should totally put that TV idea on my list of great unmade TV shows I need to pitch!!

Inexplicable Device - Sadly, as a character in the animated series Caitian isn't canon, so I don't believe in her. Also, she's a two-dimensional illustration, so I fear it might go the same way as my attempts to get it on with Lois Lane.

*off to check drunken comment…*

Skillz - What an interesting business proposition. Maybe you should go get a small business loan? Let me know how you get on with that…! (I suspect you'd do a roaring trade with fading celebrities)

Tara - Cats do go a bit mental at times, don't they? I think humans should embrace that concept and have some quality time where we just attack doors and play with feathers on sticks.

Dinah - Are you saying that me or Skillz would make a great dad? I'm assuming you mean me, because Skillz basically just said that he intends to pimp his kids out.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Ah, but the Caitian's are canon. There was a male one in ST4.

Of course, that would mean doing it with a man which wouldn't produce a kitten.

Tim said...

Not in the Star Trek encyclopedia, not canon. Muwahaha! BUT! There is the three-tittied cat lady from Star Trek V - the one that jumps on Shatty's face.

Dora & Tina said...

Kitty = crazy.

That's all there is it to it. Boy cats need to get the chop or they start spraying wee everywhere..and that is a great big EWWWWWWWW!!!!! Also they like to fight more.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Dora, that "EWWWWWWWW!!!!!" is nearly as big as the one I came out with after seeing Star Trek V!

But Tim, surely, to be canon the subject must be seen or mentioned on screen.

::in hushed tones:: The Encyclomapedia has been known to get things wrong...

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Oh, you must go to m'Lady's - she's found a use for emo!

Tim said...

Did you just say the encyclopedia has been known to get things wrong?! HUSH YOUR MOUTH AND BACK IN YOUR BOX!


I shall be perusing STIV this afternoon, but might be distracted by Catherine Hicks in the Council chambers scene.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Would that be when she's wearing her blue & white Interstellar Space Hussy uniform?

* closes mouth and gets back in box *

Tim said...

Rawr! Oh yes!!

Actually, I didn't get around to it. Bloody work got in the way. Tsk!

Dinah said...

*small voice* Star Trek four is my favourite, even though I haven't seen the others 'cept for Khan, and I still like it better.

Tim said...

Next on your list, Dinah: Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country!

skillz said...

Tim, I'd NEVER pimp the kids out. Though I disagree about being a good dad; whenever I hear the word 'fatherhood' all I see is that image of Homer putting a car of beer on Bart's head.

Tim said...

But surely that's what Bart's head is for?!