Thursday, May 31, 2007

Job done

Hello - I'm back! Not that I ever really went anywhere, mind, but I've kinda been neglecting everything because of my spontaneous decision on Sunday to begin painting my bathroom.

And guess what - it's done!


Well, by 'done,' I mean actually mean that I've sloshed lashings and lashings of paint on the walls, and I don't think I can see any of the manky old lilac - of vile-ac, as I'd taken to calling it - that previously adorned them (I won't go on about former house-owner's taste in colours again, suffice to say that the bitch was colourblind. Or maybe just blind - in which case her dog deserves a kicking). Aaaaaaanyway, yes, the difficult bit is over. Here's a recap on what I've done:

Sunday: began prepping - clearing bathroom of manly toiletries, sanding woodwork, washing walls and woodwork, glossing woodwork (first coat).

Monday: first coat on walls, second coat on woodwork, first coat on ceiling. Partially distracted by Star Trek Nemesis on the telly.

Tuesday evening (because friggin' work took up the daytime): second coat on walls. Dismayed at persistancy of vile-ac to show through blossom white emulsion. Second coat on ceiling. Realization dawns that painting in an enclosed space and forgetting to open windows is not a good idea. I thought when you got high on paint fumes you were supposed to have hallucinations of dwarves and rainbows; all I got was a massive headache and a desire to lie down. Pissed off at the lack of dwarves and rainbows.

Wednesday evening: Still irked by lack of paint-induced hallucinations I take the evening off and trundle up town to see Pan's Labyrinth with former work pal Sarah at the Prince Charles Cinema. It's an odd place, with a bar named after Quentin Tarantino, and a cubicle in the gents named after Kevin Smith. The cinema itself dips in the middle for some bizarre reason, which actually helps aid viewing, particularly if a large-headed person sits in front of you. And it's only £4.50 to get in - bargain. Reminded that former work pal Sarah laughs at anything and everything; resolve to refer to her as the giggle-a-tron from now on. Pan's Labyrinth is very good, and I'm glad I got this belated chance to see it on the big screen. It's a curious blend of fantasy elements and a story set during the Spanish civil war, which is really rather brutal in places; it's also visually stunning, and intriguingly left to the viewer to decide for themselves if the fantasy elements actually took place, or were all in the main character's head. And, I should add, the sound effects are incredible - from the creaking of the bad guy's leather gloves to the noises the Faun makes when he moves. Never thought I'd say that about a movie. It sadly does not, however, feature the Lost Boys or Captain Hook, nor David Bowie as the Elf King as the title had led me to believe.

Return home and notice that I can *still* see splotches of vile-ac through the blossom white.

Thursday - oh, that'll be today! Daub paint over said splotches. Yes, I've spent this evening touching up my bathroom. It's funny how you can look at a perfectly white wall for several minutes and then start to see vile-ac showing through. Maybe this is a sign that the hallucinations are finally kicking in? Think I've covered them all, and quite frankly don't care if I haven't. I'm pretty sure I've slapped so much paint on the walls that the room is actually significantly smaller than it was on Sunday morning.

So there we have it. The painting work is complete. Now it's just down to hoovering the crap off the floor (not literally crap, I mean the painting debris), putting my manly toiletries back in place, and then sorting out the details - like a mirror, towel rails, a venitian blind for the window, and some lino for the floor in place of the mank-tastic carpet. I'm also thinking about putting a plant in there. I actually don't own any plants, and think one might look nice in there. Anyone know any that would like a steamy bathroom environment, and wouldn't wilt upon seeing me nekkid? I know bugger all about plants. Marcosy has already suggested a triffid, but I'd worry that would try to nibble on my ding-a-ling while I'm showering.


Tara said...

Great work! I know I'd be distracted by television too, since my bathroom is very close to the livingroom/entertainment room. Hmm...lilac, huh? I like that color. But in a bathroom, light colors including white seem so much nicer and have a crisp, clean look to everything. So I guess neon green was out of the question, huh? >:)

Tara said...

Oh and I forgot...You've been tagged.

missy&chrissy said...

i would've been pissed about the lack of dwarves and rainbows too!

Tim said...

Tara - Believe me, if you'd seen the vile-ac in my bathroom you'd have wanted to paint over it. She'd done an awful job with it, and there were marks on the wall where she'd banged things into it. Admittedly I left it like this for 18 months, but now I've finally gotten round to it everythings great!

And: I have...? Hmmm…!

Missy & Chrissy - You can never go wrong with dwarves and rainbows!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Asplenium Nidus, or Birds Nest Fern to commoners. That's what you should get for your bathroom. Actually, pretty much any type of fern would be good, as they like humid air and filtered, hazy light.

There, my day's quota of advice has been given. On to other things. Pan's Labyrinth: Rather Brutal = face stabby, no? I must admit, I was more than shocked! It's still a beautiful film, though.

* clunk *

Oops! I've knocked something over... Boots No.7 waterproof mascara? I thought you said 'Manly Toiletries'?

Tim said...

Birds Nest Fern? OK… I'll check it oooooout. It better not be carnivorous.

Yes, the Chelsea smile in Pan's Labyrinth was rather nasty, wasn't it. Although he would've made a wicked Joker at the next Spanish Army Fancy Dress party.

Clumsy bitch; it's a remnent of my five second daliance with emo-ism. It brought my eyes out a treat!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

It won't bite as long as you don't poke its furry centre... Really, don't poke the fur!

I hope the dalliance with emo-ism was just for research?

As for the 'clumsy bitch' comment: MJ, if you're reading this, he's talking to you!

Tim said...

You can say that about a lot of things… I might go looking for one at the weekend. A fern that is, not the furry centre. Unless I come across one, in which case I might poke it.


*GASP* I would never call MJ a clumsy bitch! I only call people clumsy bitches if I've known them for about… ooo, a week or so? And then it's a term of endearment!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Hmmm... You've wiggled out of it to my satisfaction. The non-emo-ness, and the 'clumsy bitch'-ness.

Actually, just wiggle a little more. It's rather, as you say, endearing!

Tim said...

I'm not your own personal tickle-me Elmo you know!

Dinah said...

you're like the Elmo that sings and dances when it's tickled.

Ooh! Tickle-me-Emo! That's as clever as I'm going to get all weekend.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

* sniggers *

Good one, Dinah!

Although, what would a Tickle-Me-Emo do? It certainly wouldn't laugh...

Tim said...

Dinah - Yep, that pretty much sums me up!!

Inexplicable Device - A Tickle-Me-Emo? It would sit in the corner crying and self-harming of course!

MJ said...

IVD: How dare you call the current owner of The Shorts a clumsy bitch? Maybe you don't want The Shorts afterall? You certainly don't deserve them.

And Tim is right. I, like Tim, only start the name calling after a week. Although I'm sure I made an exception to the rule when I met you.

You little slapper.

Tim seems like a rather nice fellow though.

Dinah said...

He *does* seem like a rather nice fellow!

Tim said...

MJ - He has been a tad mouthy recently, hasn't he? Ever since he bumped into Jamie Bamber he's been all excitable and giddy and mouthy. Calling you a clumsy bitch? RUDE, and terribly incorrect!

Dinah - *seems* being the operative word. Muwahahahahaha!!!

iPandah said...

I always seem to get to the comments bit after everything has happened :0( Nothing I could possibly say now would top any of it, so I'll only say this:

I saw Jamie Bamber on Celebrity Poker, but I didn't watch it all cos I don't like or understand Poker. But I watched it for about half an hour because I knew I recognised him from somewhere, despite his English accent and funny hair. When it clicked, I felt slightly disappointed. He's so much better at being Apollo than being JB. He should just be Apollo full time I think.

And that is that. I'll try and keep up next time.

Tim said...

Ha ha ha! That would be awesome - imagine if he just sat there pining over his Viper, and his lost love for Starbuck. And then Katee Sachoff would turn up, slap him, and say "geez, dude, it was a TV show, not real life!"

Then slap him again.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

MJ: Well, I wasn't the one who walked into that poor gnome's washing line and got his kecks in my face!

And I'll have you know, I can do quite big slaps. Not quite up to Alexis Colby's yet, but definitely a match for Krystal Carrington's!

Dinah: Doesn't he, though?

Tim: Well, if you bumped into Jamie Bamber, I'm sure you'd be all excitable, giddy and mouthy.

Perhaps not for the same reasons I was, though.


iPandah: This Celebrity Poker sounds fascinating. There're a few celebrities I'd like to poke...

The Host: For Christ's sake! This isn't your Blog!

Dinah said...

Katee Sachoff's nipples!

That hasn't been said in awhile.

Tim said...

Inexplicable Device - Wha...?!

Dinah - Ha! No, it hasn't, has it? All together now: KATEE SACHOFF'S NIPPLES!

MJ said...

Big slaps?

Surely that's a typo for "bitch slaps?"

Dinah said...

Don't forget glove slaps. Those can be very important!

Tim said...

MJ - I think he probably meant bitch slap. You know how bad his spelling's gotten since he saw Jamie Bamber in Sainsburys…

Dinah - How could we forget glove slaps! They're very important, and the only way for the upper class to slap!