Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Operation: Save our Steve

WARNING: Some names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Along the road from Sparky Ma and Pa's there's this family who *constantly* cause problems. Over the years the Police have been called to their house on numerous occasions, their kids run riot (throwing stones at passing cars, and on one occasion their five year-old told me that he was going to "f**king kill me." Why I don't know; I was just getting out into my car), and they get everything paid for because they're on benefits, which disgruntles me slightly because I don't have Sky TV and a new kitchen however much I'd like it.

Perhaps most worrying of all, however, is the way they treat their animals. Last year they took to locking one of their dogs in a car all day in the height of summer. The Police came round, broke into the car and took the dog away. A few hours later they'd got it back. If it was anyone else I think they probably would've been prosecuted.

Anyway, I got a text from Sparky Ma the other week in which she informed me, in a state of some excitement, that this family were moving. Yay-ness struck - but it was followed quite swiftly by a hint of sadness. Because Steve would be going too.

Steve, y'see, is their cat. And despite the fact that Steve's tail is pulled and he is generally abused and shit-scared of the family chav, he has turned out a mighty fine cat. I know this, because Steve escapes the abuse by spending his days hiding out at Sparky Ma's. And he spends A LOT of time there. Steve's cool for many reasons; he walks out to meet me by my car whenever I pop round; he meows at you like you're having a conversation with him, and he generally is just awesomeness in feline form.

So the fact that Steve is supposed to be moving away saddens me. But I live in hope, because Steve doesn't seem to want to go…

Steve on the run, yesterday.

From what we can tell, the family chav have actually moved. But I'm elated to see that, after what I thought was an emotional farewell on Saturday, Steve is still hanging around. What's cool about this is that when I moved out of home, I actually said to Sparky Ma that I wanted to take Steve with me, because he's getting on a bit now and I thought he might appreciate actually having a house to live in. Due to a combination of the family chav abusing him and refusing to allow him in their house, y'see, means that in the frozen extremes of winter we often find him huddled under a bush in our garden, and end up inviting him in to thaw out.

So I'm quite happy to see Steve's little face whenever I go round Sparky Ma and Pa's, and I hope he stays there. And I think Sparky Ma does too: she bought him a big box of cat biscuits today.

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Oh look, I got myself on the 6Music website AGAIN. How so this time? Well, after all the furore over the crap-tastic new London 2012 Olympics logo (which I've heard described as both a rip-off of the Tiswas logo and Lisa Simpson going down on someone), they were appealing for what we, the listening public, would suggest as a better logo. I used the photo I'd sent them for an earlier competition as a basis, and photoshopped on a stunning new logo of my own design.

What do you think? In my opinion, I think the 'LOL!' is what really makes it a success.

11 comments:

Tara said...

I was going to suggest that Sparky Ma pick up Steve and hide him so that when the family came around to take him to wherever they're moving to, she could say she hasn't seen Steve. They'd get frustrated and give up, so Steve would be safe. The fact that Steve is still around is a very happy ending. Sad that a family like that could still have the right to own an animal and then wind up abusing it, but it's good that Steve can pop by Sparky Ma's to be spoiled and treated the right way.

Tim said...

I think Steve is voting with his feet as to where he wants to be. Viva la revolution - yay!

As for Sparky Ma, well, I could be wrong, but I think she likes Steve's company during the day while we're all out to work, or in my case no longer living there.

Normally I wouldn't condone separating an animal from its family, but in this case I'm all for it!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

As much as I'm not a cat person (I'm mostly a human. Mostly.), I'm glad Steve's seen fit to dump The Family Chav.

I think you may have overdone the Olympic Games logo, somewhat. It's not quite crappy enough. Although the 'lol' does give it that certain je ne sais quois!

P.S. Are you looking at me?! Yours eyes are following my every move...

Dinah said...

I like it. Both the happy ending to the Steve story and the logo. the lol part is my favourite. And I love the Olympics!

That does look a lot like Lisa Simpson going down on someone, though. Not that I've ever really thought about what that would look like.

Tim said...

Inexplicable Device - I'm hoping Steve's with us for the duration. Life without Steve would be unimaginable!

I'm not purposely looking at you, so if you're lost in my dreamy eyes that's your own fault! Muwahahaha!

Dinah - I'm learning to love lol, so expect to see more of it here soon. The whole Lisa Simpson thing is super-disturbing. I expect someone will be photoshopping something up soon, the perverts!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Christ! I am lost!

Help! Help! I can't get out of Tim's eyes!

Tim said...

Watch out for the polar bears and smoke monsters!

And the Others! Don't forget the Others!!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Nevermind them. I've just found the hostess trolley and there's no gin!

Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

Tim said...

Are there any of those little bags of peanuts left?

missy&chrissy said...

poor steve! good thing you guys are there for him.

and i think your logo is far superior to the one they have -- the 'lol' definitely makes it! (as does the stick figure man)

Tim said...

Missy&Chrissy - *sniff* Steve's gone…

But thanks for rating my logo - maybe I could make it part of my mayoral campaign!? LOL!