Tuesday, February 06, 2007

The post in which I once again spread my wisdom via the medium of radio

Here's an interesting fact for you peoploids: one in seven people do their housework naked.

Yes, that's nude, nekkid, sans clothing.

One. In. Seven. Take a good look at your friends, because yes, one in seven is a SEXUAL DEVIANT. Hang on, that's a bit harsh, isn't it? OK, one in seven is a bit weird.

How do I know this, you might ask? Well, Marsha from Xfm read it out as a fact of the day this morning. And she's never wrong, because she's also the person who told me that Panic! At the Disco are awesome, and they are.

Anyway, so I heard this little fact this morning, and I felt compelled to email Marsha with a comment. It went a little something like this:

Naked housework? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO, NO, NO! That's just wrong! It's definitely an accident waiting to happen, and undoubtedly a health and safety violation!

So I sent it off, and got back to work.

Next thing I know, Marsha's calling me up asking if I'd be happy to go on air. Well of course I am - I'm a media whore! She told me just to repeat what I'd emailed, and I sat there on hold waiting for the song to finish.

When it did, Marsha said "I've got Tim on the line," and asked me what my thoughts on naked housework were. Truth be told, what with my appearance on Radio 2's Star Trek documentary last year I've gotten a bit used to this radio lark, so I decided to adlib a bit; I kept saying "it's wrong!" before chucking in the health and safety thing. London was undoubtedly in awe of my words of wisdom.

What's even funnier, though, is that I was probably on air longer than I was during the Star Trek documentary! There's no denying the 'on-air experience' bit on my CV now - you know it makes sense!

Back to naked housework. Am I the only one who thinks that's a bit, um, weird? I did some hoovering on Sunday, and the last thing on my mind was shaking off my little clothes and doing it nekkid. Some things just *SHOULDN'T* be done naked, and housework is one of them. Can you imagine how much it would sting if you got Cillit Bang on your dinkle? I know the boys in the audience are wincing at the mere thought.


Do you want some more from the media whore? Damn right you do! My new magazine and DVD series is out in the UK tomorrow! For the princely sum of £2.99 you get a quality magazine and three - not one, not two, but three! - episodes of Star Trek: The Original Series! What more could you ask?

So do me a favour, dudes, pick one up if you see it - I'd a) love to know what you think, and b) appreciate the fact that you're contributing to my continued employment.

And don't think you get out of it by living in the southern hemisphere, oh no! It'll go on sale in Australia at some point in the next couple of months, so you can join in the fun too! Only you wily Americans have an excuse, because we won't be selling it there. But it doesn't stop you from checking out the website HERE!



Inexplicable DeVice said...

* wincing *

"shaking off my little clothes" - exactly how little are these little clothes? Are you saying you're almost naked while hoovering? Are you?!

Seeing as how you asked so nicely, I'll pick up the nag/DVD extravaganza in my lunch break. I'm all of a quiver with exitement!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

* wincing at poor keyboard skills *

I meant, mag. I'll pick up the mag/DVD extravaganza...

* sigh *

Tara said...

"Naked hairbrushing...good. Naked coughing...bad." (from "Seinfeld")

Anyway, it takes me all of the energy I have left after a day of work to even consider dragging out a vacuum. I can't imagine doing it nude. I wouldn't even dust in the nude. Course that could prevent any clothes from getting dusty.

Anyway, I did check out the website, and the magazine section. Nice magazine layout! And congratulations on the on-air moment!

Tim said...

Inexplicable Device - Ha ha! It was going to be a Russell Brand quote along the lines of "I pulled down my trousers and pants" but I figured it might sound like I was either a horrific plagurist, or a weirdo, so I nipped it in the bud! To give a more thorough picture, I hoovered while wearing comfortable clothing used for running (as I'd just gotten back from a run)!

The little clothes thing actually comes from a family Sparky tale where, to cut a long story short, my bro (aged about four) was wandering around the house in his pants and proudly proclaimed "I'll be alright without my little trousers!"

He's come out with some gems in his time, and he's probably going to punch me for revealing that!

Did you call me a nag?

IDV 2 - Oh, no you didn't call me a nag! A simple typo - hurruh! Thank you in advance for your purchase! In a related topic, I was doing some picture research today and found a load of Connor pics - almost emailed you a few!

Tara - My hair's too short to brush! And thank god I've gotten over my cough! I can just 'be!'

I definitely think that all forms of housework should be done fully clothed. Maybe in some sort of radiation clothing depending on build-up of dust 'n dirt!

skillz said...

I've, well not given up, but phased out Xfm a bit at work and have switched to K-Rock (the Noo Yawk station). I prob would have heard you if I didn't make the switch!

Tim said...

[To be read aload in the voice of Cartman]

Godammit Skillz! I'm freakin' dispensing my wisdom and you're off with your head in Noo Yawk! Sometimes I don't know why I bother! I want snacky cakes!!

I seriously only hang around Xfm for Lauren Laverne's show, and the prospect of Iain Baker and/or Marsha getting drafted in on daytime. They've ballsed the schedule up big time in my humble opinion; in the afternoon we've been turning the office radio over to Virgin for Tea with Suggs!

T-Bird said...

You are dominating the air waves like some... air waves dominator.

Ummm. I think I am going to take the unpopular one in seven vote and say 'naked house work - can't see anything wrong with that!'

Naked hair brushind AND coughing. I'll take it all.

Tim said...

I AM an airwaves dominator... I want my own 80s-stylee rock theme - AIIIIIR WAAAAAVES DOMINAAAAAATOR!!!!!!!

Why, T-Bird, why? If you can tell me what makes it so appealing maybe I'll be able to understand it!

I'm not saying I'll try it, but I might be able to understand.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Almost emailed me Connor pics? ALMOST?!?

And after I've just purchased the mag/DVD, too.

* tuts *

Anyway, can't stop to read it now, as for some reason, The Powers That Be say that because I'm at work I should actually do some. I mean, that's just rude.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Ooh, Connor's just appeared in my inbox (that was very nearly turned into something exceedingly rude) - Thank you, Tim.

At the risk of sounding like a stalker, the first thing I did after purchasing that mag/DVD, was to look for you. And lo, there you were - Editor: Tim Leng.

Tim said...

How guilty did I feel when I read your comment 'Almost emailed me Connor pics? ALMOST?!?'

A purchased mag for a Connor pic - I think that's a fair swap!

Dinah said...

Hee hee. I'm laughing like a little schoolgirl at "Connor just appeared in my inbox". Hee hee!

Way to go! I wish I could buy one - does America mean Canada, too?

Remember when the star trek thing was on the radio? That was good times.

Dinah said...

The planet Triskelion is located in the trinary star system M24 Alpha. It is ruled by the Providers, who wager quatloos on the gladiatorial contests between thralls.

I did not know that!

Tim said...

Well Connor's in my outbox!

Sadly, Dinah, that means Canadialand too. To cut a long story short, the North American market is too big to adequately advertise our continuity driven magazines, so no Star Trek magazine for you...

Yay! You're an authority on Triskelion now!! I've always thought that if ever I seize control of the planet I'm going to change all forms of currency to the quatloo, then I will watch gladiatorial contests between the people of different nations, throw my head back with laughter, and shout "50 QUATLOOS ON THE POLISH COMBATANT!"