Thursday, February 22, 2007

Dear diary

Have you found that diaries are full of rubbish these days. And I don't mean the entries in mine that say things like "Friday evening - no plans…" and "Saturday evening - no plans…"

No, I mean the things like the pages and pages of crap that tell you how to convert from miles into kilometres, cubic yards into cubic metres, and inches per second into millimetres per second. And don't get me started on the public holidays listings - it seems that EVERYONE gets more public holidays than us Britlanders (something to look into when I'm mayor, perhaps).

Today though, while I was noting something down in my work diary, I found something tres bizarre: a New Year Resolutions page.

Now, this is odd, I thought. Who would write that sort of information down in a diary unless it was the sort that had a little lock on the side. No, resolutions are the sort of thing, I think you'll agree, that you should write down on scraps of paper then eat, because we all know that's how to make them come true. It got a tad weirder when I actually read the headings on the page, each of which had five lines underneath, and accompanying tick boxes. Here are said headings, and what I think I might write in:

Physical - Let's get physical, perhaps? Was that Olivia Neutron Bomb? I think so - tick!

Mental - I can be, if you really wind me up. Tick!

Self development - Another arm would be handy, I s'pose. Not tickable just yet, but I'll work on it.

Money/Finance - Are you offering? Um, tick?

Career/work - Only if I really have to. Tick!

Family - Already have one! Tick!

Social - Depends how I'm feeling. Tick-ish.

Spiritual - OooooOOOOOOoooooOOOO! Tick!

Emotional - Only when I watch ET, or Spock's death in Star Trek II.

Property - of Tim.

So I think I'll maybe go scribble all those in using a red crayon, with all the vowels backwards. Other exciting diary-based information - did you know that Japan's international dialling code is 0041 010? That's a lot of numbers.


Isn't it weird where car designers are getting their inspiration from these days?


And in a smiliar vein, I've just re-read Frank Miller's Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, and I don't think I'm the only one. Methinks someone's new look was influenced by the mutant leader that Bats goes up against…


Dinah said...

Dental plan (Lisa needs braces!)

Dental plan (Lisa needs braces!)

Wow - sounds like you have accomplished a lot!

Tara said...

I should find my old diary (the one with the mini padlock that is so weak, I can open it with a sharp piece of plastic) to see what stuff I used to write about before Blogger was invented.

Yes, when you become mayor, you need to create more holidays for the UK.

Dinah said...

Tim! I just saw the last OC. ANd I won't ruin anything for you, but I was crying like a baby at the end.

Tim said...

Dinah - why must you turn my dental surgery into a HOUSE OF LIES!?! Ha ha, I love that line!

Tara - What was the point of those locks? Surely you could just snap it off? Hmmm…! And when I become mayor EVERYDAY will be a holiday!

Dinah again! - Did you?! DID YOU?! Ohmygod - I bet it was amaaaaaaazing! I'm sooooo looking forward to it, but on the otherhand I don't want it to end. I hope Taylor plays a prominent role - she's one of the best characters EVAH.

I'm already planning a final episode screening for me and anyone who wants to join me. And in mourning for the last episode's first broadcast, I am today wearing my official Ryan Atwood Chino-tastic grey hoodie.

I might also have to punch something.

T-Bird said...

Yes - who's idea was it to put all that meaningless information in the back and front of diaries?

And what's with the NY's resolutions? Who would have ever thought to put that in with those headings?

Gah! For some reason the thought that there is a diary company that is so judgemental and pushy about people out there makes me angry!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

"Spiritual - OooooOOOOOOoooooOOOO! Tick!"

I need one of those diaries.

Tim said...

T-Bird - I don't know, but it's weighing down my back, and probably cost the lives of an unnecessary amount of trees! Lord knows who thought I'd want that in my diary. I mean, I pretty much only use it to work out when I'm taking holiday.

Inexplicable Device - You could have mine if it weren't for the fact that I've written Fedex tracking numbers randomly throughout it.

iPandah said...

My diary has sock sizes in it. Thank god. Without them, I wouldn't be able to work out that I need to buy socks the same size as my shoes.

Tim said...

Sock sizes?! I didn't even know socks came in sizes... I'll check that out. Maybe in future I won't have to settle on knee-length ones I have to roll down to mid-shin...