Friday, February 02, 2007

Mighty oaks

Like many other people, I'm deeply concerned by the state of our planet, and there are only two ways I think we can resolve the problem of global warming:

1. All pull together and be more aware of our planet's needs; we've only got one Spaceship Earth*, so we better look after it.

2. Let our kids from the next generation sort it with their advanced future technology. If I'm alive in space year 2100, I think I'll be more concerned by the fact that I'll probably be pissing myself rather than if the world's heating up; old people always feel cold anyway, right? I'll probably appreciate the warmth.

Anyway, in all seriousness, I have been thinking of ways in which I can help the environment. Hell, I even did a carbon footprint test the other day - and guess what? I'm pretty damn clean! The average UK household puts out around nine tonnes of carbon dioxide per year; I put out three.


OK, it's only a guestimate, but that still gives me a pretty good margin compared to everyone else. Just because I can I might turn on all the lights in my house and leave the car running for a couple of hours (only kidding Greenpeace activists - don't hurt me!).

Which leads me round to junk mail, one of the biggest wastes of resources I can think of. We get a lot of crap through the post at work, most of which goes in the bin. The recycling, um, bin, I mean. But today we got possibly the best package ever.

It was from EDF Electrickery, and they sent us this:

An acorn.

Which is, quite frankly, genius. The idea is that you plant the acorn, and once it's fully grown it'll mop up around 13% of your company's C02 output. And as we're a small company, I reckon it'd suck up a higher percentage. On the downside, oaks take ages to grow to full size, and it was a bit of a scaby acorn; I think even Mr. Ed, our resident squirrel, might stick his nose up at it.

But hey, I'm all for the green, so I'm definitely gonna whack it in some soil and see what happens.

Unless someone's chucked it in the bin, that is.

*True story - I saw a documentary at infant school yeeeeeeeeeeears ago in which the narrator asked if anyone had ever wanted to go on a spaceship. Loads of my classmates nodded 'no' in silence. Then he went on to say we didn't have much choice in the matter anyway, because Earth is a spaceship and we're stuck on it. Some kids went visibly green at the thought.


Dinah said...

Who doesn't want to go on a spaceship?? Clearly those kids had never seen seen some fine science fiction.

skillz said...

Nice idea, but it won't work. One of the reasons that we haven't been able to domesticate the oak as a crop is because there are so many squirrels who bury and dig up tons of acorns all the time. It'll be gone before long.

I'd suggest keeping loads of plants about the house, but then they release CO2 at night so that's not so great.

The only solution? Take the hostage out the equation. By which I mean, shoot squirrels. BURN THEM ALL! Only the grey ones though, leave the gin- I mean red- ones alone.

Tim said...

Dinah - I know! I want on a spaceship, I know that much!

Skillz - Nice idea, but I'm not totally convinced that killing all the squirrels will save the planet. But I do have a plan.

If Star Trek has taught me one thing it's that there are plently of other planets out there we can screw up. I say we build a maaa-hooo-sive spaceship and go find one!

T-Bird said...

Dude, bury the acorn and look after it! At least planting a tree is better than doing nothing!

Tim said...

I will, T-Bird, as long as no one's binned the little bugger.

I've just realised something! Acorns fall in autumn... no wonder it was so manky - they've been storing them for months!!