Thursday, February 01, 2007

The post in which I am referred to as 'shiny'

Picture the scene people: there I am in sexy Starbucks, just settling into a comfy chair with my grande misto. I see one of the baristas across the way, nod and say 'alright.' Then I get out my writing pad, turn up my iPod, and get down to some writing.

Five minutes later said barista is standing beside my table wiping down the bit where you get your napkins and chocolate sprinkly-things. I glance up and notice that he's talking, so I take out my headphones and say "sorry?"

"You one of our special customers, yes?" (His english isn't that great, as he went on to admit). Now, by special, I hope he meant 'prized' and 'venerated' rather than 'simple' and 'often displaying spackerish tendencies.'

"Um, yeah, I s'pose!" I replied.

"Ah." He smiled at me. "Always a misto, yes?"

"Yeah," I acknowledged, raising my cup in a manner that I think suggested that the coffee was good and I'd like to get back to my writing, thank you very much.

And that's where the conversation took a bit of a bizarre turn.

"So…" He looked around nervously, then squirted another shot of cleaning fluid on the counter. "Are you single?"

Dear reader, misto almost shot out of my nose.


Now this is where we take a closer look at my mental processes in the few short seconds between his question and my reply.

Firstly, I wondered what was the easiest, least wordy, way of saying "I'm very flattered old chap, but I think you've got the wrong end of the stick…"

(Realised 'wrong end of the stick' might be an inappropriate metaphor, and decided upon 'I think there's been a misunderstanding.')

Secondly, I wondered if it might be possible to wangle a free coffee before reverting to point 'the first,' because I'll pretty much do anything for free coffee.

Finally there was always the old "no - I'm married!" because it's simple and effective.

Truth or lie, truth or lie…?


"Erm, I am, but-"

"Good! Because you know [NAME OF LADY BARISTA DELETED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT]? She always talk about you. I think I might get you two together. She's shiny, and you're shiny. It will be good!"

And with that he wiped the counter once more and walked off, leaving me wondering if I was perspiring excessively or if he was a big fan of Joss Whedon's Firefly


I'm pretty sure my new haircut has something to do with my newfound, er, shinyness; comments from family, friends, and colleagues have all fallen into the overall category of 'awesome.'

My favourite hair-comment, however, came from Rob at work, who in passing mentioned that it made me "look sinister." And I don't know why, but that is definitely one of the coolest things anyone has ever said to me.

I am officially 'sinister and awesome,' and I think it's about time I seized control of the world…

That is all for now!!


T-Bird said...

Timmeh! Yay for you! This appears to be classic reconnaisance. Meaning, lady barista may or may not have put shiny man up to sorting out whether you are single or not!

Obviously shiny man may just be a well meaning and nosy friend, but basically the pretty lady has a crush on you! Yay!

Dude, this is promising!!

Tara said...

"And with that he wiped the counter once more and walked off"

And with that you also wiped your forehead and enunciated a "Whew!" in relief that he wasn't asking you out. personally. :)

Don't forget, you're also shiny, along with sinister and awesome!

skillz said...

Get in there son! What ever you do, don't take her out for a coffee.

Dinah said...

Aw, you're shiny! and special. that's a great combination.

Tim said...

T-Bird - This IS promising. And she works in Starbucks! This is great!!

Tara - I'm glad I didn't have to let him down, because I would've felt bad for him. On the other hand, I've always taken it as a great compliment and ego boost when a man tries to hit on me.

(Which actually doesn't happen as much as that sentence makes it sound like it does!)

Skillz - Bugger, that was the plan! She'd get a discount too; I'm such a cheap date.

what about if it's Cafe Nero?

Dinah - I'm a shiny, sinister, bundle of special-awesomeness!

T-Bird said...

You SO have to ask this girl on a date.

But something that isn't coffee? A drink at the pub perhaps? Or even dinner would be orright!

THEN you can broach the topic of free Starbucks!