Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Loitering with intent

"The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry."

As regular readers of this blog will know, I'm currently hankering after an Xbox 360. In fact, I intend to buy one tomorrow. At least, that was the plan... until Xfm started givin' 'em away...

To be honest, I wasn't really paying too much attention to this competition on the first day. The basic idea is that they're sending someone out to a specific location in London with four Xboxes, and you have to decipher three ridiculously easy clues to work out where he is. Then you go there and he gives you an Xbox. Nice.

On Monday he was outside Buckingham Palace. On Tuesday in a pub near Leicester Square.

And today, I decided I'd work through lunch, leave early, and bag myself one of those bad boys. I conspired with Martin so that he would call me and let me know the location I needed to head toward; to be honest he wasn't getting anything out of it, except, perhaps, having an extremely happy Tim bouncing around the office tomorrow. So, at 15:30 I left the office and tubed it up to Leicester Square.

And what did I do then? Well, I loitered outside Xfm's office like a stalker, of course (I figured that it was quite possible I might see Xbox chappy staggering out with the four machines, and I could then tail him - a bit like how Marty follows Biff in Back to the Future Part II).

So I stood there, rather close to Joan Collins' handprint.

And I stood there.

And I stood there.

After about 25 minutes, while I was fiddling with my mobile and acting all nonchalent, a shadowy figure appeared in front of me. Shit, I've been rumbled, was my first thought.

Turned out it was actually Lee. Now, it's always a pleasure to see Lee, although quite understandably on this occasion he was rather intrigued as to why I was lurking in London. So I explained about the Xbox competition.

"How marvellous," he said, although I'm pretty sure he actually meant "standing around on the off-chance of nabbing a stupid games console? I still can't fathom why you don't have a girlfriend, dear boy."

Then he merrily slapped me on the arm, said "do let me know how you get on with that" (i.e. "you're a bit of a twat sometimes"), and scooted off to do important Lee things.

So I went back to my solitary stalking. Then a man came out of Xfm's offices, and looking quite shifty, went and settled on a chair outside a pub.

Ah-ha, I thought!

Suddenly, my phone rang! It was Martin!

"Where do I need to go?" I shouted excitedly!

"Erm, Camden," he replied.

"Bugger," I said. Camden is, you see, not exactly in the immediate vicinity of Leicester Square. They obviously got wise to my plan.

I hung up, and took one last look at the shifty guy outside the pub. Maybe I should just strut up and ask him for an Xbox, I wondered? Then I looked a bit closer, and thought probably best not to. He might steal my iPod.


One post-stalking coffee later and I was walking the streets of Londinium town with the intention of maybe filling the last remaining gaps in my Christmas shopping list and perving over the Xbox stuff in HMV. As I was pounding the streets, I saw the actor Geoffrey Palmer.

Sadly, he was not accompanied by his regular onscreen wife, Dame Judi Dench, but his legendary jowls were in attendance; he looks like he's storing food in his mouth for winter. When he realised that I'd recognised him he quickly looked the other way; I wonder how interested he really was in HMV's seasonal sale? V for Vendetta on DVD for under a tenner, Geoffrey?

He toddled on down the pavement where a young couple pushed passed him and he gave them a bit of a mouthful. Awesome.


Anyway, chances are there won't be a post tomorrow because I fully intend to walk into the comics shop and say "Xbox me up, bitches" (though probably not with the word "bitches" as I don't like to offend), so I'll be playing that all night and through into Friday morning.

To be honest, you're lucky you got this post; Yaz convinced me yesterday to eat some out of date roast potatoes that I had in the freezer, and I was certain I was going to wake up dead this morning.


Inexplicable DeVice said...

Don't you just hate waking up dead. So vexing...

I must admit to getting a bit taken aback by something you said: "I left the office and lubed it up to Leicester Square." whereas. it was, of course, "tubed". D'oh!

Anyway, X-Boxarama!

Cripes! Nearly forgot this: FIRST!

Tim said...

It is a pain, isn't it? I blame Yaz - I shall have stern words with her next time I see her! That said, waking up dead is a damn god excuse to stay in bed.

Erm, I actually thought I'd written 'lubed it up to Leicester Square' when I did a blogger preview - and I wrote the damned thing! I'm blaming slippery fingers. Um...

Tara said...

I would love to see their expressions if you did say "Xbox me up, bitches." Course I wouldn't be able to say that either. At least with a stright face.

We had people waiting in lines to buy that thing about a week or so ago. One guy confessed that he was on unemployment and was just standing there to get the thing and resell it on Ebay.

Tim said...

Ha ha! I could say it!! I know the guys in the shop well, so I could get away with it. On the other hand, I'd probably get a few swears and disdainful looks in response...!

That's a bit nutty - I wouldn't buy a games console just to sell it on Ebay straight away. Unless I bought two and sold the spare one...

Miss T said...

Does the 360 have Tekken?

Tim said...

No... I think that's a Sony only thing - PS2, PSP, and PS3 only.

360 has Star Trek though!!!!!!!! And a game where you can hit zombies on the head.

Will said...

Great post.

Doc: "Something inconspicuous!"
Marty: "Gotcha."

Dinah said...

Whoo! X-Boxarama! I hope you're having fun with it.

Tim said...

Will - It would've been a better post if I'd actually won an Xbox, but hey - it's always good if you can get a Back to the Future Part II reference in somewhere!

Dinah - T-minus 1.5 hours until I buy it!!!!!

skillz said...




Tim said...

Maaaate... I *HATE* footie... Plus, I just want to shoot big aliens in the face.

And drive fast cars. And then shoot big aliens in the face some more.