Monday, November 13, 2006

Disjointed brain lumps

There's a complete lack of coherency to what I'm posting today, but bear with me - some of it might be entertaining!

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It's a work tradition that we buy our own chocolaty delights for the office to mark our birthdays, so first thing this morning I headed down to Hammersmith and ram-raided Marks and Spencers. And by 'ram-raided' I mean that I 'bought some delicious treats.' And by 'delicious treats' I mean some belgium biscuits, and three of the little tubs of chocolate cornflake bites, chocolate roll bites, and oaty flapjacks bites (which were handily in a buy three for £5 deal).

At about 12:30, by which time I was feeling slightly naseous from too much chocolate (who the hell knew that was possible?!) my boss came in carrying a chocolate Dalek cake for me and - because that was a little bit too small to cater for everyone in the office - a long sponge cake.

Note to Doctor Who: did you know Daleks have a chocolaty base? No, neither did I, but I recommend you attack them from that angle in the future.

Now feeling a tad weighty.

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Marcosy and Yaz FINALLY retrieved their cars after the events of Friday evening. Poor Marcosy had to get the train in because he lives in a castle in the middle of nowhere. It was, by all accounts, not a pleasant experience. But on the plus side it did mean that I had a delightful lunchtime coffee with him and Yaz. Apart from the mouthy college students who descended on Cafe Nero at the same time. Good God, what hideous semi-human creatures they were. One had the worst dyed hair I've EVER seen; another had such a huge head that I thought he was suffering from elephantitus.

No wonder I'm pro choice. Can you abort a 17 year-old?

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I realised earlier that today marks the 10th anniversary of me starting work in full time employment at my old company, Visual Imagination. I remember that first day well: the nerves, trying to remember everyone's name, the giddy excitement of getting my own desk and a real computer.

The laughs from my new colleagues as I looked at it and said "how do you turn this thing on then?"

Watching their smiles fade as they realised I was actually asking a serious question. Ah... those were the days!

I also remember having to rush home from work that night in order to go to an awards evening at my old school where I was to collect my A-level certificates. I remember shoving a KitKat in my pocket on the way there (one of the old foil wrapped bars!), and remember standing on stage, putting my hand in my pocket and realising that it had melted and all I was left with were four bare wafers, a chocolaty pocket, and a headmaster waiting to shake my hand in front of about 400 assembled teachers, parents, and students.

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Advice from my Grandad over the weekend:

"Make sure you marry a midget - they work twice as hard."

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My beard and moustache continues to flourish in a weirdly cool and not at all pervert-looking style. In fact, I think I look a little bit like Terrence Stamp as General Zod in Superman II. Maybe "kneel before Zod!" could be my new chat-up line?

Rather disturbingly, though, I seem to be taking great comfort in sucking the beardiness below my bottom lip. Is this weird?

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In other hair-related news, did I mention that I had a haircut last week? No? Well I did. And now it's quite short (about 3 inches at most) and scruffy looking. I do keep having that amputee reaction though - y'know, where they think they can feel a phantom limb?

In my case, however, I keep brushing phantom hair out of my eyes and tucking phantom hair behind my ears. I hope it stops soon because it makes me look a bit stupid.

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As promised - the Rolling Stones Sticky Fingers album cover/Sparky party invite
picture comparison:


Which is which?! Who the hell cares!

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I watched the entire fifth season of Family Guy over the weekend, and I thought I'd share two of my favourite moments with you.




I love Stewie. Probably explains why I keep saying "what the deuce..." and "DAMN YOU TO HELL!" all the time...

20 comments:

skillz said...

Dude... you're Pro Choice?

You should join us in the Regressive Party:

Tim said...

Ha ha ha!! Yeah, that's what I'm for! I don't see why abortion should be confined to foetuses - I mean, what the hell have they done? Why can't moody teenagers be aborted? They're far more suitable candidates.

Dinah said...

Love the sticky fingers shot. That would make an excellent computer wallpaper. Or, regular wallpaper.

Miss T said...

Sorry, I can't get past the midget comment. That is a "ooo er" mine field. And I like it! Not to mention kneel before Zod.

You've outdone yourself for smuttiness in this post... well done old chap!

PS Although I think it would be a tad hard to abort a 17 year old (especially ones who dress in emo clothes and ask shop assistants for red skinny jeans) without a time machine, I am all for sterilising them so they don't breed little versions of themselves.

Teenagers are so bloody annoying.

:-( the family guy links didn't work for me....

Tim said...

Dinah - Or toilet paper!

Miss T - I've out-smutted myself!? Hurrah!

And I definitely think aborting teenagers is a good idea. At least the threat of it would make them behave!

The links didn't work?! Erm... go to youtube and search for 'Family Guy stewie drill' and 'Family Guy milkshake' - that's what I used to find 'em!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

* snort snnnnrk sniff *

As hilarious as those Family Guy clips were, they paled into comparision when compared to: "another had such a huge head that I thought he was suffering from elephantitus" and the following pro choice/abortion stuff.

I gave a bark of laughter and at the last possible moment managed to rein in the mouthfull apple & blackberry crumble* that I'd shoved in seconds beforehand. The downside to saving my screen from a spraying was the snot that shot out of my nose and onto my top lip.

Thanks Tim Tam!

* I know it's only 8:40 in the morning, but I like pudding! And it's super-delicious because the Host's mum made it!

Dora and Tina said...

My milkshake bring all the boys to the yard.....

I love that episode!!!! Peter is such a tool in it, but I love it so much.

Miss T, you were just upset because they bought the last pair of red skinny jeans :(

Miss T said...

I don't fit into skinny jeans. Just the medium kind. But yes, I was secretly wishing to abort that 15 year old mole.

IDV - you just made me spit all over my screen with laughter at the thought of snot and crumble....
pretty spacktastic, huh?

Miss T said...

Oh. My. God. The word verification is:

fryshy

Fry shy.

Fry. Mmmmm. Cartoons.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Screen spraying verges on Spackarama*, Miss T. Glad I'm not the only culprit.

I forgot to say: As the groins go, I prefer yours, Tim. The other makes me say "You've got red on you."

* Has to be said like Felicia Jollygoodfellow says 'Tackarama'

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I suddenly realised that I got my drag queens wrong! It was Mitzi del Bra who said 'Tackarama!'

Tim said...

Inexplicable Device - Seriously, he had a MASSIVE head!

And there is nothing wrong with pudding first thing in the morning. I've got *SO* much cake and chocolaty goodness waiting in the office I almost had a cake-based breakfast today! Well done on not spitting out your crumble; better luck with catching the snot next time!

Dora - I love Family Guy; Stewie and Brian are an unbeatable combo!

Is Miss T after some red skinny jeans?

Miss T - Are you after some red skinny/medium jeans?

The word verfication loves you. Maybe it's Fry communicating with you from THE FUUUUUTURE!!!!!

Inexplicable Device - Thank you! Although, I'll tell you something: all this running has had a remarkable effect on my legs. That picture was taken about three years ago, and I recently tried that pair of jeans on only to find they pretty much don't fit me anymore. Talk about skinny fit!

And is 'Tackarama' anything to do with George Takei? Maybe a Sulu-based diarama?

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Normally I'm not a leg man. Or witch. But the thought of your legs filling those jeans has made come over all peculiar. I must go and have a lie down...

But, before I go, I'm imagining a glittering extravaganza of a show (not unlike something Dame Edna would do) hosted by George, called: Takarama! Perhaps you should email him the idea - I want co-author credit, though!

Tim said...

Ha ha!! I hope it didn't result in another snot-based mishap!

I think that's a cracking idea for a show. I'm picturing it as a veritable smorgasboard of light entertainment - chat, cooking, music - hell, maybe even some talented pets!

Oh my! What a great idea!!

Should I email him? Should I?!

Miss T said...

IDV, getting all saucy about legs, eh? I have to say I am *definitely* a leg hag.

Email George Takei now! Do it! And show him your beard! Then you can be all like "Kneel before Zod"... and hang on, he just might!

Noooo. I don't want stove pipe jeans. They won't suit my proto Nona body. I was shopping with Dora the other night and this 15 year old abortion pulled up an assistant and said 'HEY! Do you like have any red skinny fit jeans?'

And the assistant was like "No. No. We. Don't."

The girl had black skinny jeans on and a stripy top. She looked like a sad emo french mime.

Tim said...

LEGS!

Muwahahahaha!

That emo girl sounds like a spacker. Did she have a teardrop painted on her face? You should've hang a string of onions round her neck, stepped back and said "zut alores!" then BITCH-SLAPPED HER TO THE FLOOR!

Muwahahaha!!!

Dinah said...

hahhahahahA. sAD EMO French mime.

I got drunk and talked to TV producers all night. I wish I was emailing George Takei. He's awesome!

Tim said...

I haven't worked up the courage to email George yet... Should I?

Should I...?

SHOULD. I?!

Miss T said...

Yes. Do it. You grew the beard, and it will bring you luck of the Takei kind. So say we all.

Zut alores? Hang on, is the security footage of Dora's attack all over the net already?

Tim said...

please tell me there was security footage of Dora strangling an emo!

That would be the best youtube EVAH!