Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Ear, ear - I can hear!

Yes, you read that right - I can goddamned well hear again!

(Closes eyes and throws head back as a wave of applause washes over)

Yeah - I. CAN. HEAR.

Dinah in Canadinia - say something!

(cups hand to left ear)

Yes, I sure do - but only on a Monday!

Miss T in Austraaaaaaaalia - say something!

(cups hand to right ear)

Yes, but most people consider it a blessing!


To be honest, I actually thought I was going to miss my appointment. I left work with plenty of time to spare, but I got caught at every red light, and then stuck behind a load of old farts driving at 25mph in a 40 zone. Honk-honk, out of my way coffin-dodgers!

Still, I got there just in time and was ushered into a small side room by a nurse. There, she used what appeared to be an electric toothbrush to dislodge the copious amounts of wax from my ears. Which was very handy, to be honest, as I inexplicably went deaf in the left one again this morning.

Initially she had a bit of difficulty - the right ear wasn't playing ball, and she really had to brush hard. I mean syringe hard. I had to hold a cup to my ear, and that filled up with waxy water pretty quickly, which was lovely.

And then, after a good few minutes, I felt something move, and the next thing I know she's taking the cup from my hand and pooring the water into the sink. Then she showed me what came out: it was nasty. It was brown. It was a sizeable ear poo.

The left ear gave up it's ear poo a lot quicker - possibly because there was EVEN MORE. Seriously, I've seen labradors shit less than this.

I almost asked if I could keep it - but she might've thought that was weird.

Anyway, I got back to my car only to experience a revelation of the ears! Who knew my clothing rustled as I sat down? Who knew I'd had the radio turned up THAT loud. Who knew indicators made that clicking noise when you turn corners?

So here I am, back at home, an auditory explorer on the verge of discovering a brave new world... I just hope they keep the noise down a bit.


skillz said...

THIS was the first thing I thought of after reading that.

Miss T said...

Hehehehe! You said ear poo.

Most people consider it a blessing eh? I think I need to reasses my world view now...

Tim said...

Ha ha ha!!! I *Love* Futurama - but I don't remember that bit!

I'm going to have to dig out me DVDs and have a Futurama marathon... at least sometime before the new episodes start appearing in 2008!

(I never realised how loudly I typed before...)

Tim said...

Miss T - I did say ear poo! Poo is a funny word, the more I think about it. Not that I think about poo much.


And yes, you might need to reassess your world view. After all, you did ask.

Super-hearing to the rescue!

(Geez, I REALLY do type loudly...)

Dinah said...

Aww, yay! I am so excited for you. That moment when it clears and you hear all the little noises is spectacular. And isn't the syringey thing weird? It tickles!


Tim said...

It does tickle! I thought I was going to start giggling like a special, but fortunately I held it together!!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I'm still giggling about 'ear poo', although I'll try and keep the noise down...

Dora and Tina said...

This is a number 7 on the ewwwwwwww scale. Ear poo? Gross. The fact you didn't keep it, well that is cue to crack out the old whip.

The fact you can now hear....cause for a quiet celebration!

Will said...

I had a similar experience recently - I got some better contact lenses, now I feel like fucken Superman. Everything's totally 3D.

Tim said...

Inexplicable Device - Yes, I could hear you giggling away...

Dora - Too late - ear poo it shall remain!!

Will - With your super-vision and my super-hearing... why, together we can solve any crime!

Miss T said...

I remember when I got my first glasses - I was amazed to see all the leaves on the trees as opposed to a blur. It's amazing what you get used to, innit?

I still *can't believe* people consider it a blessing!!!!!

Dinah said...

Now that I think of it, you should have at least taken a picture of the ear poo.

please tell me you're holding out on us.

Tim said...

Miss T - You must've been like Geordi La Forge seeing his first sunrise in Star Trek: Insurrection!

Dinah - I was going to ask if I could take a photo of it, but there was a sign up in the surgery that said 'TURN OFF ALL MOBILE PHONES - 'THEY CAN CAUSE MACHINERY TO FAIL' and I didn't want to be responsible for some old dude's pacemaker packing up...

missy&chrissy said...


(we whispered that...but we know you can hear it! =] )

Miss T said...

Tee hee! I saw Insurrection again just the other day.

I kind of prefer First Contact, and would go as far as to say it's my fave ST movie (sorry Shat vs the whales).

I sort of was like Geordie until I fell over and skinned my knee 'cause I was too busy gawking.

Tim said...

Missy & Chrissy - Thanks! I appear to have some sort of sonar capability like a bat now... It's pretty awesome!

Miss T - My favourite is still Star Trek II, though I have soft spots for III and VI. I've always thought that while First Contact is the better film, Insurrection is, at its core, quintessentially Star Trek; it's got very Roddenberry-esque ideals.

Part of me also thinks that it would've made a better film for the original cast, bearing in mind that the TNG cast were relatively young when they made it and one of its major themes is aging and the passage of time.

Hmmm. Just my five cents worth!

Dinah said...

Shat versus the whales is my favourite. It's just so bizarre.

skillz said...

T, you wear glasses? ;)

Tim said...

Dinah - aaaah, The Voyage Home... A classic! Although I always thought the probe in it looked like a giant poo.

Skillz - Nope, I have to hide my secret identity in other ways!

skillz said...

Erm... sorry tim, I meant miss t :/

Tim said...

Oh. I just thought you were being street and cutting the unnecessary 'im' off my name.

I'll get back in my box.

Miss T said...

Yo Yo Yo!! T in da house.

Sure do skillz. Clark Kent stylee.

skillz said...

ok, how about Miss T's street nickname is T, and Tim's is 'im?