Wheels

When did legs stop being the primary mode of transport?

I ask this because as I left work tonight I was almost mowed down by some middle-aged woman on one of those stupid little fold-up scooter things that were all the rage about seven years ago. She was chasing her sprog who was also on one. Well, I assume it was her sprog; it could've been a diminutive diamond thief or something equally exotic, but I'm pretty sure it was her sprog.

Anyway, between the mum on her scooter, the sprog/diamond thief, all the kids on their Heelys*, and Lindsey, I fear that the next stage in human evolution may either see everyone turn into the fatties from Judge Dredd, or our legs will wither up and drop off, and we'll all have to roam around like Stavros. Or was it Davros? I alway get confused by those peeps.

I've also noticed that there's a growing class division between the rich kids who can afford the official Heelys, and the poor kids who can't; I've seen a number of chav-sprogs sporting what I can only describe as the sort of contraption you'd attach to a dog that's had its two back legs amputated. By this I mean two grossly oversized wheels attached by a cheap plastic frame to a regular shoe (a fake Nike, for example); and as if that wasn't bad enough they've got LEDs in so they flash garishly while the frankly quite embarrassed kid wheels along in the rather microscopic hope that they'll look cool. The wheels are probably different sizes too so they end up wobbling down the road like an old drunk. And then the kids with real Heelys zip past them, tut, and spit on them.

If I was a kid and someone bought that obscenity for me when I'd asked for Heelys, I would totally dry-slap them.

Anyway, the point I'm getting at here is this: Heather Mills could totally have a wheel built into her foot next time she buys a new leg. I can just picture her sailing down the street with Paul McCartney's money fluttering in the breeze behind her.

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Well, if anyone cares I pretty much finished all of that work I needed to get done over the weekend. I completely felt like I spent the entire weekend sitting at a desk - which is probably because I spent the entire weekend sitting at a desk - so I think I'm going to get out running again this week just to make me feel a little less lethargic. It might also help me forget about The OC-shaped void in my life between 9-10pm tomorrow night.

I might see if Sweatband is up for a run. She did the marathon last weekend (in the very respectable time of 4 hours and 19 minutes, I might add - kudos to Sweatband), and when I texted to ask her if she wanted to go to badminton on Friday she just called me up and said "are you having a laugh?" No question about it, I think she would've punched me out if I'd asked her to her face. Who the hell knew that running 26 miles would basically make you legs stop working for almost a week?

Maybe she should get some Heelys?


*By the way, check this out. I love the fact that it says "They save your legs and allow you to get places much quicker." Save your legs from what?! Leg eating monsters? Being dry-humped by small dogs? Screw the wheels and get some exercise! Damned kids of today!