Monday, April 23, 2007


I'm so behind at work due to unforeseen things taking place last week that I should be doing some now, but instead I'm writing this because - ohmygod - I just spent 10 minutes queuing in Sainsbury's behind some old woman with an obscene amount of facial hair and I need to tell someone about it.

Seriously, it was EPIC. I was at times both repulsed and enthralled by it. You could've seriously plaited it big time. It would've been like a tiny viking on her top lip. It was either that or take a Gillette razor off the display and throw it on her pile of stuff. Which, bizarrely, consisted solely of mushrooms. She was there with her daughter and granddaughter, and they were just buying mushrooms. And not quality mushrooms, old mushrooms; the ones that Sainsbury's have knocked down to 20p a packet because they're about to go off big-stylee and stink out the shop. Anyway, the granddaughter kept patting the mushroom packets and alligning them perfectly on the conveyor belt like she had autism or something. It was all very strange.

And don't get me started on the fugly middle-aged hippy woman behind me who was only buying herbs and olive oil. Weirdo.


I was so exhausted over the weekend. But for good reason - we had an *awesome* meet-up with a load of people who used to work for my company on Friday night. Some of these peeps I hadn't seen in almost four years, and it was almost like no time had passed. We all immediately slipped into making inappropriate jokes at each other's expense, and coming up with strange little in-jokes that only made sense in the moment, and looking back now aren't actually funny… that being the case, I shan't repeat them here. Especially not the three incredible new TV shows that Yaz and I devised on the tube journey up town. You had to be there.

Comics pal Graham turned up with his lovely wife Astrid, who upon seeing my grand stubbliness noted that I was, in proper Rugrats fashion, "all growed up." We used to all work together, and I was, like, seven or something at the time, so it undoubtedly surprised Astrid to see that I'd progressed from boy to man(-boy). She then followed it up with the comment that I looked like Thom Yorke from Radiohead, which isn't exactly the nicest thing that anyone's ever said to me because he's got a wonky eye and is a bit of a hippy, but she could've said I looked like a badger's arse, so all things considered I probably got off quite lightly.

Oh, and one dude who used to work for me asked me if I hated him when we worked together. How odd is that? I suppose the odd wry look sometimes gives the wrong impression, but it was never meant to. In those years we all worked together I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to have around. So, Ant, if you ever read this: you're a top fella, and it was a privilage to have you on the team.

Anyway, it was great fun, and I stayed hours longer than I'd planned to. We're going to do it again sometime; I hope it's sooner rather than later.


So tomorrow is the last episode of The OC, and Yaz and I are going to celebrate in grand style - a takeaway Nandos at mine, followed by the final ep on E4. And I suppose if we're so traumatised by the sheer finality of it all we could flick over to E4+1 at 10 o'clock and watch it again. Think of us crying into our spicy chicken at 9pm… and 'End of The OC' consolation cards will be gratefully received at the usual address. Seriously people, this is a Hallmark holiday just waiting to happen.


Dinah said...

Ooh, Tim, I can't wait until you've seen it so we can talk about it!

Tim said...

Dinah, I'm looking forward to it and dreading it all at the same time. I can only live in hope that there will be a Julie Cooper-Nichol-Cooper-Bullit-Atwood spin-off!

Tara said...

I love laughing at "you had to be there" jokes with friends. It's amazing what sorts of stuff can make us laugh, isn't it?

You'd think the facial hair lady would notice how bad she looks and then possibly do a quick shave or wax. Razors have evolved.

Tim said...

"You had to be there" jokes are great, aren't they? Yaz and I were actually trying to explain them to a few people and we were drawing blank stares - which is why I chose not to post them here!!

Facial hair lady was a mite scary. Someone was definitely in need of a Mach 5!

Dora & Tina said...

Okay - I think I saw a woman exactly like that at work this week. I COULDN'T stop looking at her chin...

....and then I went home and checked my own chin...because damn if I was going to have a chin like that. I found a hair and promptly pulled it out.

Oh god,I could have been that woman!!!!!

skillz said...

so what was in YOUR trolley, Tim?

So many posts to catch up on! It'll be a busy weekend.

Tim said...

Dora - You're back! There should be some sort of program where old people's chins are shaved on a weekly basis so as not to offend the younger generations. Dora: YOU ARE NOT THAT WOMAN!

Skillz - You're back! Ah, my trolley was full of microwave curries, cranberry and raspberry juice, some coke (of the cola variety, not the 'one way ticket to South America' kind), cheese, Ritz, some chicken bits, and … oh, some oaty flapjacks.

I wouldn't worry about the posts you've missed - they've all been the usual crap; and the next one, which is going to be very OC-ccentric might be worth skipping too. It all depends how bored you are, I suppose!

T-Bird said...


That is so going to be me when I am old. Except, it will be cats, instead of crazy grandchildren loitering at the conveyer belts.

Enjoy the end of the OC!

Tim said...

T-Bird - No, you won't be the crazy old woman when you're older, the coven won't let you. We'll … I dunno, have a whip around and send you off for a spa weekend or something.

Ooo, spa! Can we all go?