Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Unnecessary

I was going to add this to the bottom of my last post, but then I realised that it was quite a nice, warm, reflective post, and this is just vile.

While walking down to Hammersmith yesterday lunchtime I noticed, via a large billboard, that the British Heart Foundation have started a new campaign designed to encourage us to get 30 minutes of exercise per day. They advise us that we can do this in a variety of ways, including walking, gardening, swimming, and sleeping with old people.

WHAT!?

OK, so I might have taken that a little too literally, but the basic gist of the poster that I saw was that older people can get their regulation exercise by shacking up with each other and getting it on in the advert break between Corrie and The Bill (I doubt they could manage a full-on 30 minutes without a little blue helping hand). Anyway, as if the mental image of two oldies banging each other isn't bad enough, they illustrated the point in this fashion.


Sorry it's so small, but I couldn't find a bigger version, and quite frankly, even if I could I'm not totally sure I'd want to splash it across my blog. Anyway, so imagine that spread across a huge billboard in Hammersmith.

Gross…

So after copping an eyeful of that, I carry on my merry way to Starbucks only to encounter (and those of you with weak stomachs may want to turn away now) … a tramp bashing one out in a bush on Hammersmith Road. Nice. Sadly he actually looked a bit like Father Christmas which has now ruined all future festive periods for me, but I suppose he was only paying heed to the BHF's timely advice.

Needless to say, on the way back to the office I gave wide berth to where he'd been standing; I had no intention of ruining a perfectly good pair of shoes by stepping in a puddle of hobo-spunk.

21 comments:

Tara said...

EW with a capital E...and a capital W. Blergh! I suppose that if I worked in the city Downtown, and walked around more down there, I'd see some interesting things. I have to tell you, I've never seen a tramp do that in public, but that's okay. I'll just assume.

And thank you for not posting a bigger picture. :D

iPandah said...

Blimey charlie, and I thought I'd had a bad day. Thank god you'll be Mayor one day, we can stop all this anarchy in its tracks.

skillz said...

Did the tramp lower his risk of cardiac problems by topping himself off, or does it only apply to those who have a partner?

skillz said...

holy carp! me and iP posted at the same time!

iPandah said...

Holy mackeral you're right! I was going to post on yours but there's not a lot of room!

Tim said...

Tara - Exactly! That is NOT something that I needed to see - and I'm talking about both the poster and the tramp. Disgustomondo, Fonzy!

iPandah - Indeed! We'll round all the tramps up and send them to the frozen wastelands of the north! The monkeys can assist inbetween dressing up and handing out flyers.

Skillz - I don't know. Maybe I should email the BHF to find out?

Posting at the same time?! That's almost like a chicken/egg scenario! Stop this lunacy at once!!

T-Bird said...

I felt so dirty after reading that. I am going back to Fluffly McMeowersons down there!

At least it'll be a while until he is big enough to bash one out on the street!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Holy Cod!

I just wanted to say a fishy exclamation like Skillz and iPanda.

Tim said...

They do like their fishy exclamations, don't they?

Bless their soles!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Bwah hah ha! Very good! That put me in my plaice.

missy&chrissy said...

wow, i honestly don't know what is worse - that billboard, or the thought of father christmas wacking off in the bushes...

Tim said...

Inexplicable Device - We should encourage more people to come up with fishy jokes. C'mon everyone - don't be coi!

Missy&Chrissy - I know - what a dilemma! I've since seen that billboard in several other locations, one when I was driving. I almost crashed!

Fortunately, no more tramps bashing the bishop.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I laughed so much that my sides have split. I'll have to get a sturgeon to sew them up...

missy&chrissy said...

ok, this fishy theme is hilarious! and i totally missed it when i first posted...what a (b)ass i am.

Tim said...

Inexplicable Device - I hope you let several sturgeons have a go. If just one did it at the expense of the others… well, that's just shellfish.

Missy&Chrissy - You're upto speed now - in fact, you totally got your skates on!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Well, their was one main sturgeon, the others were just his prawns.

Tim said...

There's clearly money in private healthcare if he's got so many prawns. He must be squids in.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Rolling in it, in fact. And I know he's good because of his private clients - Why, only yesterday I saw Dame Judy Tench in the waiting room.

Tim said...

Dame Judi Tench!? Why, seeing her would be a bream come true!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Tell me about it. The parrot in the waiting room nearly fell off it's perch when she walked in.

Tim said...

You again? I'm trying to read the latest Salmon Rushdie bestseller, don't you know!