Let me tell you about my day

I was a tad late to work today; some bright spark has, you see, decided to put the most ludicrous set of temporary traffic lights up in Chiswick, and it's grinding traffic to an absolute halt. Put it this way, a distance that usually takes me about five minutes to drive is currently taking about 30 minutes.

Bah.

On the plus side, I made myself an awesome new CD for the car featuring a load of songs I'd downloaded off iTunes. So I sat and rocked out to some new Maximo Park, acoustic Panic! At the Disco, and some new Justin Timberlake, which I came into possession of by 'borrowing' the lovely Jo's CD last weekend. Yes, I don't mind the odd bit of JT, as I believe the kids call him. And the bass on SexyBack makes my car vibrate. Or was that just me jigging…?

Anyway, after parking up I began my short walk round to the office. On the way, I pass a school. And that's when I realised that today is Comic Relief day. How did I guess that? Well all the kids were red. Literally red. Completely red. Red wigs. Red hair. Red noses. Red faces. Red clothes. It was like Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. If they were little squealing plum tomatoes. There were also a load of red teachers rattling collecting tins. Fortunately that's the brilliance of an iPod - you can ignore charity muggers with relative ease.

The office was eerily quite for ages today. But that was OK, because I had Planky for company.


Aaah… Isn't he a cheery looking fellow. Does bugger all work though, lazy git.

Anyway, work was a tad dull because… well, I was having to do some dull stuff. It was, as you might've guessed, dull. So I decided to treat myself to a movie at the end of the day.

I haven't been to the cinema since before Christmas, which is a hell of a long time for me to go without having seen a movie. That last film before Christmas was 'Black Christmas,' which was shite, and probably soured me on the whole 'paying-to-see-a-movie-experience.' I decided today that I would go and see Sleeping Dogs Lie.

Inexplicably, over her in Britland the film's title has been truncated to just Sleeping Dogs. (With a full stop at the end, mind. We might not be able to deal with more than two words in a title, but by god we like our proper punctuation on this side of the ocean). But what drew me to this film was that it was written and directed by Bobcat Goldthwaite.

Who?

Bobcat Goldthwaite! Y'know, Zed off Police Academy!


I used to quite like the Police Academy films, until they got a bit stupid and went to Russia and things like that. But I especially liked Zed. In fact, I spent a significant part of the late eighties practising a pronounced facial tick and doing my best to talk like him. It drove Sparky Ma a tad insane.

Anyway, I was unfamiliar with the fact that Bobcat had gone on to writing and directing, and I was intrigued by the premise of the film (a young woman admits a dark sexual secret from her past to her fiance); the fact that it's got a couple of awards and the reviews have been good only helped my decision to give it a whirl.

First off, I doubt very much that Sleeping Dogs(.) will set the box office alight; there were only five of us in the cinema, and one of those had wandered in about 25 minutes into the film, presumably after the film he had been watching had finished and he couldn't be bothered to go home.

So, onto the film: I'll be brutally honest, it sorta fell between two stools for me. It kind of wanted to be a gross-out comedy at times (in fact, the main story point is waaaaaaay grosser than anything from, say, 'There's Something About Mary' or 'American Pie,' but I won't spoil it by revealing what it is here. Suffice to say, the title gives a sizable hint), while in other parts it took quite a serious point of view focusing on family relationships. Some of the acting was a bit crappy too. And it had weird music that reminded me of an independent French film. It was all harpsichord-y and bizarrely out of place. Most unsettling, however, was the fact that the lead actress looked like a cross between Renee Zellwegger and a dude.

That's not to say that I didn't like the film - because I did. It had some nice moments. I wouldn't say it was the best film I've seen this year, because- Oh, hang on. It's the only film I've seen this year… So that DOES make it the best film I've seen this year.

Hmmm…

Well, there's some other interesting films coming out soon that have caught my attention; '300' (though I'm not convinced I actually want to see sweaty ancient Greek men whacking each other with swords), 'TMNT' (erm, when did we stop calling them 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'? Or even 'Hero Turtles,' seeing as the BBC wouldn't let us hear the word 'ninja' for years… Geez, the sheer fact that they're back makes me feel oooooooold), and 'Sunshine.'

Oh, the choice - I'm practically rubbing my hands together at the cinematic expectation!

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I rounded the day off as I started: caught in Chiswick traffic (this time going the other way), and home to find Comic-bloody-Relief on the telly. Seriously, what the hell is Kate Thornton doing on? She gets sacked from X-Factor and somehow she wangles her way onto the BBC? And if it wasn't enough that she looks like a gurning alien, why the hell was she dressed like a big purple sweet from a tin of Quality Street?!